Baby kicking - DH not excited/interested/proud

[ShirtyGerty]

AIBU to expect DH to be at least a little bit excited/interested/proud to feel our first child kicking? (I'm 24 weeks and yesterday asked him to feel the baby kick as he never touches my bump. He says he finds my pregnant body 'offputting'.) It was a milestone that I was looking forward to and thought it would make him happy.

He felt it kick once and without so much as a smile went off to stroke the cat.

I got really upset. Feel like he's not interested. He's still not speaking to me as he says that I'm being overly critical. It just makes me feel so low and lonely.

AIB all pregnant and U?

Sorry I meant dickhead not dick, if that makes it better

My DH didn't like feeling the baby move - I think he'd watched too many alien films

It doesn't mean he'll be rubbish father but he may have some issues that need discussing.

RedHeels, I would love a night out.

have you told him that sherty? if i want to convince dh to do something i have to ham it up a bit. i would be saying 'gosh the baby muuust know your voice now it ONLY responds to your voice its amaaazing!'

dh changed a bit when i came back from ante natal once and told him about a vidoe they showed. the video was all about how much nb babies recognise their parents and that that is why it is important to talk to the bump - you and dad. anyway on the video they show a baby being born. the dad is given it and he hold it up to his face and pokes his tongue out - the nb copies its dad IMMEDIATELY. i went on about this to dh but to his credit he remembered and when dd was born he tried it - she did it striaght away too and i have an amazing pitcure of her poking her tongue out at her dad, about 20 minutes old :-)

the point im going for here is that sometimes men need an angle to follow then they grasp a concept instead of doing something because we told them too.

hope that made sense :-)

I've had similar accusations (of 'getting at' them). Try to put things clearly in a 'I know it's not intentional, but when you do or say X then I feel Y'. Maybe 'I'll try to sound less like I'm having a go at you, but I really would feel better if you took more of an interest', or whatever. Ask him how he's feeling (if he says 'got at', ask 'and what else'), ask if there's anything you can do to help, then clarify how you feel and say how you'd prefer him to act in response.

Don't take him seriously or put up with it if he tries to put all of the blame on you (he has to own his feelings as well), but do try to make it clear that you both want to help him feel better, and also want him to help you feel better, and that you see both of these as reasonable things to expect.

I hope I don't come across as too much like I'm telling you what to do - just trying to remember what helped in my situation when DP was being stroppy!

Hi Sungirl. It does make sense, thank you for the suggestion - and how amazing

Hi Ryuk. Not at all. Very grateful for the advice. [smail]

I meant

no probs shirty - hope this thread has made you feel better.

DH wasn't bothered about feeling either of our boys kicking which made me a bit sad from time to time but he did find me very attractive - maybe he too had watched too many alien films?! it was pretty much the only thing we diagreed on, so I wasn't too bothered. Sounds like you might be right that your DH does have more history though and perhaps a chat about it at another point might be a good idea (along with the girlie night out plan - like that! )

my dp wasn't at all interested in pregnancy "news"!...and to be honest, he didn't seem very into our newborn DD for the first 4 weeks....

..but now that DD interacts - laughing and smiling at him - he's suckered (and she'll be able to wrap her besotted daddy around her finger for ever!) She is now 4 months and he ADORES her.

It took a few short weeks for him to realise how important this little person is to him. One of my friend's DH was HUGELY into his children from the moment the line turned blue...another friend's DH took a while to bond, like mine. Some men (and women) don't instantly "fall in love" with their DC - it happens gradually.

As long as your DP/DH is a good man with lots of lovely qualities...then don't worry. ( & My DP found my bump offputting, too! - don't worry about that either! )

nottheeuro - yeh i agree it happens naturally - and naturally doesn't mean at the same rate as the mum :-)

YANBU - he sounds like he's being an arse, just when you need him to start being all supportive & nurturing. However, I am not in problem-solving mode tonight ... and thought your thread might be about an illegal sport!
[hshock]

Good advice from Ryuk, very sensible, let's hope your DH will want to talk after he stopped sulking [big baby emoticon]. Maybe post this on Dadsnet to see what views they have. Although they are on MN now so obviously interested in children and women's point of view, maybe some of them felt differently to start with. Oh, the maze of the male mind...