to not buy my nephew a Christmas present

[pinksancerre]

He is a nightmare... he is 16 and currently on police bail for GBH, and I resent spending money on him

Thats it really

Yes, but he is still your nephew and he needs to be unconditionally loved by his family!! (that does not mean you need to approve of his behaviour).

If I were you, I would buy him something that would be good for him, or take him on an outing with you on his own if possible, to spend some time with him. Even 16 yr old 'nightmares' have reasons to be the way they are and a bit of positive attention might go a very long way.

Don't then. Nobody's entitled to presents, and 16 is quite old enough to understand why.

I would still buy him one as I wouldn't want to risk upsetting my brother/sister

it would be my IL's I would be upsetting! DH wouldn't be bothered either way I don't think! DSIL has 4 children. 2 are over 18 so I don't buy for them anyway (just token gift) so it would only be my niece who I would buy.

How does he treat you and your family? Use that to make a decision.

I do understand what you're saying though, and I certainly wouldn't condemn you whatever you decided.

Don't buy then.

I am sick of buying for people who I feel I have to rather than who I want to, and I have now stopped this. It has caused slight problems with my dads on/off DP who I don't even see much anymore. She thinks I should be buying her 16 year old son after I don't even have anything to do with him. I'm not being pressured anymore. Buying presents gives me great pleasure for the people I like buying for. Buying for ungrateful people who I don't see much of is just a chore and I would rather spend my money on other things.

Just because people are family, does not mean they deserve inconditional love at all.

I know it is a completely different matter but do you think Vanessa George's family still want to have anything to do with her now?

I'd think more about the other people who I might upset.

But that's me.

i wouldn't but then I'm a bit horrible

I wouldn't. I bought presents for my nightmare of a niece until she was 21. She won't be getting anything this year, even if she texts me again at the start of her birthday month to do a 'countdown' as she did last year.

She stopped speaking to me recently out of pure spite (after her last birthday and wedding present, naturally), and I feel so stupid and used that I paid for presents for her and was nice to her when all the time she clearly wasn't grateful.

Why not spend extra on your niece instead, it can't be nice for her having an older brother like that. My younger niece has suffered a lot having such an awful older sister, and I feel really sorry for her.

Buy him socks. Boring socks.

yes agree with rosieeo, token boring present! In my family we only buy for the kids, hard to say when that ends but if you have been doing over 18 for the other siblings if might seem a bit weird to single him out, so keep it tiny and spend the rest on his sister.

Yep socks or a book token

Why not et him a self-help book on anger management?!

Thanks, I stopped with his siblings @ 18, I just buy small token present (£5 - £10) for them. A usual present for him would be £20 - £25. Think I might compromise and slip him early into the smaller present catagory.

He appears to have no concern or appreciation for anything, and has shown no remorse for his latest actions. We live 150 miles away and only see them once or twice a year

I wouldn't bother.

You might be on to something 80sMum