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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Credit Crunch is taking its toll

46 replies

ILikeMyLife · 29/10/2010 21:36

Hi

The credit crunch has hit most people, some harder than others.

I have two children from a previous marriage who i pay maintenance for. I know my ex partner has plenty of money and is comfortable with no 'significant' money trouble. I however am scraping by to pay my morgage, tv licence, gas, electric and other things like internet phone etc.

Is it unreasonable to stop paying maintenance so that i can save some money? I know they don't need it and probably only saves it so they can go on expensive holidays, something i can't give my children.

I want to be able to treat my children but at the moment can only afford to take them to the park or play at home with them.

Any advice on what i can do would be gratefully received.

Thanks

OP posts:
memoo · 29/10/2010 21:39

Yes its unreasonable to stop paying.

It doesn't matter how much money your ex has its about taking responsibilty for your children.

SheWillBeLoved · 29/10/2010 21:41
Biscuit
StewieGriffinsMom · 29/10/2010 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

huddspur · 29/10/2010 21:42

How reasonable is your ex, would it be possible to negiotiate a temporary reduction in your maintenence to let you get back on your feet.

Original poster
ILikeMyLife · 29/10/2010 21:43

my ex is fairly reasonable. I want to be able to treat my children for a change!

OP posts:
peppapighastakenovermylife · 29/10/2010 21:43

Are you saying you would spend the same amount of money on them but just it would be you physically spending it?

Quattrocento · 29/10/2010 21:44

You are going to be horribly flamed on here

Many of the mothers on this site are blessed with useless ex-husbands who can't or won't pay the money that they owe to maintain their children

Frankly I think you need to look at this as you paying your fair share. The problem with looking at it in terms of what other people have is that you end up seeing that your ExW has more so it becomes 'fair' in your mind not to pay

It's a distorted way of thinking. Would you be happy to go to the pub with a friend who earned a bit more than you, yet expect that friend to stand you drinks all night? Would you be happy to take a girlfriend out for dinner and if she earned more than you, would you refuse to pay your fair share?

Don't make excuses. Pay your way. You're better than those feckless sponging fathers (I hope)

Original poster
ILikeMyLife · 29/10/2010 21:45

yeah peppapighastakenovermylife. So i can take them on holiday, or take them away for the weekend, or to the zoo.....

OP posts:
SingingTunelessly · 29/10/2010 21:46

Is it a CSA arrangement?

StewieGriffinsMom · 29/10/2010 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ILikeMyLife · 29/10/2010 21:51

Excuse me Quattrocento, I never said it was fair. I didn't say it was fair when I came home from work to find my ex in bed with someone else either, I didn't think it was fair that i had to give up my house (which was mine before we got married), and I also dont think its fair that the CSA decided that i should pay £500 a month maintenance when my ex partner has savings which go into £Thousands (which i also contributed to)....

But thats life i suppose....

OP posts:
RiojaLover75 · 29/10/2010 21:52

YABU, if you want/ need to change the financial arrangement you need to ask or at least discuss it with EXW or CSA first....... Jeeessssusss Shock

StewieGriffinsMom · 29/10/2010 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ILikeMyLife · 29/10/2010 21:55

you know nothing of my parenting skills....

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 29/10/2010 22:01

it would be unfair to just stop. Talk to your wife.

DuelingFanjo · 29/10/2010 22:01

sorry - your ex.

Quattrocento · 29/10/2010 22:06

Utter piffle. Your children. You support them.

You after all chose to have children with your Exw. You chose to deposit money in her savings accounts. And you chose to marry her. All those were your choices. They may have been poor choices. Or may not, who knows, for sure if the ExW were on here we would get a different version of events.

But you have an obligation to YOUR children. Who are innocent in all this.

Original poster
ILikeMyLife · 29/10/2010 22:10

She chose to have the children and believe me they are the most precious people in the world to me. Yes it takes two people to bring a child into this world.

So what your saying is that I should risk losing my house and my job and then not be able to see them or support them?

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 29/10/2010 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

earwicga · 29/10/2010 22:11

The Op says

'I have two children from a previous marriage who i pay maintenance for.'

and

'probably only saves it so they can go on expensive holidays, something i can't give my children. ... I want to be able to treat my children but ...'

You are an utter arse. Your children from previous marriage are YOUR children as well as the children you live with. Suck it up and pay for them.

Hassled · 29/10/2010 22:12

I think you need to keep in mind that this money has nothing to do with your Ex - it's to maintain your children. Her savings are irrelevant - don't waste time dwelling on them. And as kids get older they tend to get more expensive.

Is it worth asking the CSA to re-assess if your outgoings have changed substantially? I don't know if that's how it works, though.

Original poster
ILikeMyLife · 29/10/2010 22:15

Hassled, its done on your income and amount of tax you pay.

Earwicga - do i live with children? I dont remember seeing any here, but i will look behind the sofa, or under the cushions to see if there are any hiding that i didnt know about

OP posts:
earwicga · 29/10/2010 22:19

Sorry, totally misread your OP. Ugh!

Contact the CSA and speak to your ex.

earwicga · 29/10/2010 22:19

And I hope you don't find any behind the sofa ;)

goldenticket · 29/10/2010 22:21

Isn't he saying that he doesn't have any spare money to be able to treat his own children?

Could you negotiate with your ex that your maintenance is reduced in order for you to be able to spend the money on other things while they're with you/take them on holiday etc.? Would this be possible do you think?