To be worried about DD having toilet accidents at preschool

[Wafflesnaffler]

I fully potty trained my 2.5yr old DD about 5 or 6 weeks ago - she hasn't had a single accident (wee or poo) since the first week and not even in the night...she ALWAYS wakes up and says "mummy I need a wee".

However, for the last 4 or 5 times she has gone to preschool (she goes twice a week) she has had an "accident" there every time. I don't believe she would just wee or poo herself without telling someone she needs the loo, because she hates the feeling so much, she has no accidents at home and she had no accidents at preschool either for the first couple of weeks after potty training. They tell me she does say when she needs the loo, but I can't get a proper answer about why or how these accidents keep happening. I also don't have much faith in them because when I first told them she was trained, she came home desperately thirsty the next couple of times and I assume they gave her little/nothing to drink to avoid accidents.

I know they have lots of kids to watch, so she must be either telling someone she needs the loo and they can't act on it quick enough (although she does give good notice and is very good at holding), or they are forgetting her, or I guess there's a chance she is a completely different person at preschool and gets too distracted to say she needs the loo.

DH is really angry and thinks they're neglecting her. I've asked them a few times now what happens with these accidents but only get a vague non-answer (almost like a shrug), so if I ask again it will have to be put a bit stronger. Would I be unreasonable to have a serious chat with them about this?

no yanbu
she is tiny, and they need to be more on the ball with this. It is perfectly likely she is behaving differently at preschool than at home but there's no reason they have to be so casual about it. And withholding drinks (if that IS what they're doing, she might have just been very active) is not in at all

DD went through this.
Usually, she was so engrossed in what she was doing she forgot. I was a bit about it, as she never had any accidents at home, but it did take a few weeks for her to get the hang of it.
As for being thirsty, dd's playgroup had a bottle of water for each child, so they could drink as and when they wanted, they were usually too busy to think about it, and ended up having their snack time drink and that was all.

It all sounds fairly normal.

it all sounds very normal. it's a different environment and she probably is so busy having fun and so engrossed she isn't aware she needs the loo until too late.

nursery are right to not be too concerned to be honest - they'll have seen it all millions of times before and know it's something she'll get the hang of. i'd me more worried if they were stressing about it tbh. it isn't a big deal at all. just make sure she has a change of clothes or two in her bag (it's a pita for nursery to have to use up their own spare clothes)

RE the drinks, DS always comes hone thirsty. I asked and was told that water is always available if they either ask or help themselves. They say that this is to help them to start to build some independence.

DS is not confident enough to do either at the mo (only been going since Sept 1 afternoon a week). I wonder if this is why your DD comes home thirsty too?