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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I will NEVER take this child out for the day again...

38 replies

harpsichordcarrier · 28/10/2010 21:42

It's a long time since I ventured in this section, so deep breath...
I have been friends with a neighbour of mine since our children were about a year old; they are now 7. Her boy gets on well with my two dds, although they bicker like siblings/cousins because they know each other so well.

We tend to spend at least one afternoon a week together. In the holidays, I take her boy out for the day at least once, then we go to hers for tea.

Although with his parents his behaviour can be a little challenging, his behaviour with me is generally very good. However, the last couple of times that I have taken him out, he has been fine all day and then started complaining when he gets home. e.g. I took him to see The Princess and the Frog and treated him to sweets etc then when he arrived home he said he hated it, that it was a PG (it wasn't) and that he had been very very scared (he hadn't) and that it was a stupid girls' film Hmm

Today I had organised a music workshop with songs and dances and crafts and spent quite a bit of time getting it ready. I took him this morning, he enjoyed the workshop (lots of people there that he knew) - it was about 50/50 boys and girls. I then took him for lunch (which he enjoyed) and then to my house for a play and to watch a movie. I took him home about five.
When his mum asked if he had enjoyed himself he said no, it had been boring and he hadn't liked it, and he told me that he had only agreed to go because then he could get a sticker for his star chart for Christmas HmmHmm

I have to admit that I was hurt and upset about this. I laughed it off, though. His parents were a little embarrassed but tried to brush it off, saying well I am sure that he enjoyed it really.

The more I think about it, the more annoyed I get tbh. I have invited him here for a Halloween party on Sunday, and I am dreading if he says something rude then, I might get REALLY annoyed.
AIBU to be annoyed about this? Should I have said something to him, do you think?

OP posts:
MangoTango · 28/10/2010 22:45

Just in case it's any help, things we've all done together over the Summer and more recently that all the kids have enjoyed have been. Nat Trust places, (running around in the gardens,) parks, soft play places, aerodrome (took bikes, roller skates, scooters, picnic) animal farm/ park place, just playing at each others' houses is always popular.

Original poster
harpsichordcarrier · 28/10/2010 22:49

Yes, we have done a variety of activities together over the years me taking him out for the afternoon. This is actually the fourth of these music workshops that he has joined in on.
Sometimes we go out all together, but generally speaking his mother needs to be getting on with some work.
The point is that he DOES enjoy the activities - he is actually a fairly simple sort of soul really -and if he wasn't enjoying it I would suggest something else. He has a lot in common with my younger daughter and they generally enjoy the same things.

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 28/10/2010 22:49

I do live in fear of my DD doing something like this. She is terribly blunt. She doesn't get that it's so rude. Or doesn't get rude really. I do worry about it. But she would only say that if it were the case. I would say to the boy, in front of his parents, that I was hurt by what he had said. I would want someone to say that to DD if she was rude. And I would certainly re-iterate it!

Original poster
harpsichordcarrier · 28/10/2010 22:53

Blunt can be hard to take from a child, I know, but I think I could cope with it...
it is sort of our responsibility - collectively? - to try and point it out, I think if a child is being rude and hurtful

OP posts:
MangoTango · 28/10/2010 22:59

To be honest it looks like the stuff he said was what he really thought. I can't really see why he would say it otherwise. His parents need to teach him that it is rude to say such things to someone who has been kind enough to take him out though.

magna · 28/10/2010 23:05

I may be barking up the wrong tree but it sounds like he may be playing you against his mum. There may be some problems with his behaviour at home if he is talking stars for star charts as soon as he gets back.

TheFallenMadonna · 28/10/2010 23:14

I agree. Absolutely it should be pointed out. Particularly effective from the person who has been hurt IME, although often difficult for them to do (understandably) and of course always my job. I am working very hard on her! My DD wouldn't say she hadn't enjoyed something she had enjoyed though, so I think there is something else going on here.

babbi · 28/10/2010 23:35

The parents are totally out of order allowing him to be so rude to you . They should be dealing with his manners. I am not surprised you are annoyed.

candlebra · 28/10/2010 23:39

i am often wishign i had bit my tongue when i ask my dd if she enjoyed herself, on being dropped back from a parent, in front of them, how mortifying.

did they laugh it off?

perhaps he just wants to be an Individual

vess · 28/10/2010 23:53

Nothing to do with you - he probably wanted his parents to think he didn't have a good time! Possibly not happy about the star chart or other pointless rules they insist on. Or maybe just tired.

And also - 'Did you enjoy...?' is a very grown-up question. Kids don't really understand it. They might tell you how they are feeling at the moment rather than how they felt throughout the day.

sunnydelight · 28/10/2010 23:56

I wouldn't take him out again personally, but then again I'm a bit hard core after years of other people's kids. I once phoned a mum to say I'd be bringing her child back hours before arranged as he clearly wasn't enjoying himself and was making everyone else unhappy. I'm not sure whether the kid or the mother was more shocked.

In your situation I would continue having him round yours during the week UNLESS he was rude, in which case I would bring him straight home and say in a friendly way "sorry, X didn't seem to be enjoying himself any more so I brought him back".

dignified · 29/10/2010 00:45

I think its very generous and loveley of you to take this child out for treats ect . But i wonder if they are taking advantage of you to some extent . I dont like the star comment one bit . Is it possible that they have bribed him , that they wanted a bit of time on their own ? If they have this really isnt ok.

I think they are very rude and i wouldnt take him out again , in fact i wouldnt even acknowledge it and if they ask i would state hes not enjoying it and has said so several times.

Presumably these days out arent free , youve took him for lunch , to see a film ect , i too would be very very hurt .Do his parents ever take your daughter out and take her for treats ? I note youve said earlier that you dont think theyre bribing him , but youd be surprised about how hard faced some parents can be about free childcare for a day , some parents would give their right arm to have someone give them a break. .

Its unlikeley they,ll be a queue of other parents outside his door wanting to take him out for treats like this so his parents should have firmly corrected him and made him apologise in my opinion. Id let dd take another freind , and i dont think id want to be around people who thought it ok to let their child be so rude to me .

theskiinggardener · 29/10/2010 03:48

It sounds to me like he's acting out and trying to either get a reaction from, or punish, his parents in some way. I would tell him you were upset by what he said and make sure he understands that that is not ok. Then tell him that if he does that to you again, no more treats with you.

It sounds like you're getting the spill over from a stage he's going through at home.

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