Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to not want to be "beaten up" again

46 replies

tetrea · 28/10/2010 19:25

I had my 18 yo brother over this afternoon. We were both playing with the dds (4 and 7) and then he asked dds what they wanted to do and they both said beat up mummy .
My brother grabbed me picked me up before pinning me to the floor before encouraging dds to tickle my feet and ruffle my hair, they must have been doing this for 5 mins (although it felt like 5 hours)despite my pleas to stop.

He's coming round again on Sunday and they are already talking about how they and db are going to beat me up again. AIBU to tell my brother not to do this again.

OP posts:

GoreRenewed · 28/10/2010 20:48

Yes, tell him you really don't like it. But don't be angry about it - he just transgressed some boundaries that he doesn't understand are there. And the children followed his example.

leandro · 28/10/2010 20:52

YABU Sounds to me like little brother gave big sister a bit of her own medicine from the past and dds joined in. I really don't think its a big deal and like others I doubt it lasted for 5 mins.

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 28/10/2010 20:52

mrsbigw, the OP called it that becuase that's what her brother and DCs call it

ChaoticAngel · 28/10/2010 21:47

YANBU

I hate been tickled. I hate the feeling of helplessness, the lack of control. I'd hate for it to happen even for a minute, much less five.

SandStorm · 28/10/2010 21:52

If you're really uncomfortable with it, why don't you turn the tables on your brother and try something along the lines of "let's beat up uncle X". See how he likes it. And if he's okay with it, then that's the way the game goes from now on. I would think that's just as good a game for your DDs anyway.

I recently gave a talk at school about how a game is only a game if everyone involved is happy about it and if someone isn't enjoying it then the game has to stop. It's not about being a spoilsport, it's about respecting boundaries.

bumpsoon · 28/10/2010 22:28

Didnt you say uncle ?

stubbornhubby · 29/10/2010 00:50

YANBU and your brother is a shit.

WriterofDreams · 29/10/2010 01:13

Ugh OP the thought of someone doing that to me makes my skin crawl. To the many people who didn't read your post properly, she called it "beaten up" because that was the name her brother gave it. She even put it in inverted commas in the thread title to indicate that but it was ignored.

It majorly majorly pisses me off when someone does something another person doesn't like (such as "beating up" or "taking the piss" or "slagging") and then dismisses the other person's feelings by saying "it's just a bit of fun" Basically you're saying I'll have my fun and if you don't like it I'll make you feel even shitter by making out you're over reacting. People who have that "I'm only joking" attitude verge on bullying behaviour in my experience. A person's feelings are valid whether you feel the same way or not and a game isn't fun unless everyone is enjoying it.

I think you should explain to your DCs that you don't like this and also let your brother know in no uncertain terms that it is not to happen again. If it does happen again, do make a fuss in a big way. That'll make an impression on your DCs and hopefully it will teach them a valuable lesson.

Booboodebat · 29/10/2010 13:52

Agree with WoDs.

My Dad is like this. If you don't enjoy one of his 'jokes', it's because you have no sense of humour.

There's literally no way round it, so he always gets his own way.

I agree that this is not a message I'd want my children to get.

GeorgeOsborne · 29/10/2010 13:58

We do bundles and tickling with the complete and utter rule that if somebody says NO or STOP we stop immediately.

Bucharest · 29/10/2010 14:10

So, if I read the OP correctly, it was her children who use the term "beat up".

Having a 7 yr old myself, I'd be bloody wondering what kind of stuff they were getting up to at school if "beating up" is considered fun/funny.

Your brother you can just tell that you're not into that sort of "play".

The children need to be told that "beating up" is inexcusable. Always.

(I know the tickling and ruffling isn't "beating up", but tbh, my daughter would think I was talking about doing things to eggs if I mentioned the word "beat" to her, not doing something physically unpleasant (at best) to another person.

So, no, OP, YANBU, but I don't think it's anything to do with your brother tbh.

BuntyPenfold · 29/10/2010 14:35

Why did your children want to 'beat up Mummy'?

Why didn't they say 'Let's tickle Mummy.'?

If I am tickled I soon start screaming/kicking, I really can't bear it either. However, it is not referred to as a beating-up.

Tell your brother not to help the children tickle you again. End of.

PinkieMinx · 29/10/2010 14:42

YANBU - there was nothing wrong with what they did - bit of a tickle and hair ruffle's not my idea of fun but children do enjoy it so much. It was the how - they said 'beat up', he pinned you down and they did what they wanted to you. Not a message I's like to give my children either. I'd have said we don't beat anyone up and explained why then agreed a tickle session.

RevoltingPeasant · 29/10/2010 16:21

YANBU, but-but-BUT it is an area where it's really easy to go too far. My siblings and dad and I used to do this kind of thing all the time. It never bothered me even though I'm not that keen on being tickled. But I have a exfriend who used to grab and poke me all the time, and it honestly contributed more than anything to the decline of our friendship.

It was so petty. But. It made me. Want. To kill her.

/breathes/

Mishy1234 · 29/10/2010 16:53

YANBU OP.

Loads of people don't mind this kind of thing, but YOU do and that's what matters. If you allow your kids to carry on with this behaviour despite you asking them to stop, then it's not a great message for them in the long-term imo. They need to recognise there are boundaries which are different for different people and that they should not be crossed.

I would just speak to your brother before he comes round next and explain to him that it's not acceptable.

jameelaq · 29/10/2010 17:50

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 28-Oct-10 19:31:18
Um, tell the children they hurt you and you don't ever want them to do it again.

Tell your brother you didn't like it and if he can't respect your body, he can fuck right off.

And don't forget to tell them this IN FRONT of them so they understand where they got their violent natures from, AND make it clear that it is your body you are focussing on not your entity as a person, so they don't get confused about women and bodies and women's bodies, and minds errr, and so on

Pogleswooooo · 29/10/2010 19:52

You what,jameelaq?

What was that all about?

jameelaq · 29/10/2010 19:55

Sorry, I'm a little confused this evening

Ilythia · 29/10/2010 19:57

YANBU.

Your children are old enough to learn empathy and understand that they can't do things to someone if they don't want.
Other people's opinions are not important here, you didn't like it, so he shouldn't do it again.

RunawayPumpkin · 29/10/2010 20:08

Pin them down and so something to them they will get the message

jameelaq · 29/10/2010 21:12

Instead of pinning them, if they are larger than butterflies, you could use nails.

Flip

1 2