how can i remain tolerant of redundant DH?

[candlebra]

he was made redundant, unexpectedly, with no pay out as yet a couple of weeks ago.

all very sad and worrying and what on earth do we do.
well i seem to be doing all the job seeking for him. i have suggested all the places he worked before and all number of other places but he wont go.
in fact yesterday he said yes he would go but needs to go early in the monring, it looks better. not very likely in a not veyr early riser!

i spose we are getting on ok considering and i am worried about him, trying to tread lightly.
we may not get all the benefits we should as i have taken on another temporary job, which sucks, but on the other hand, we needed the money at the time. what to do there?
cut back my hours and apply again?

Oh dear this is so tough on both of you. When my husband was made redundant he used to organise his day very much as if he was still working. He would spend at least 1/2 a day looking for jobs, calling recruitment agents, updating his CV, writing letters / emails. He made it as if finding a new job was his full time job. He also started to study towards some professional exams that he was part way through at the time. I think this helped him retain his sense of self-worth which is, for so many people, tied up with their jobs. He was out of work for about 3 months but now works at a job he loves.

Everyone knows that times are hard a the moment. Encourage him to realise that there is no shame in your old role becoming redundant. And help him not to be shy to ask for help from anyone who might be able to give it. I really hope he manages to find something soon.

I feel for you. Dh was made redundant a year ago and was just the same. He was moping about upstairs (living in the bedroom during the day) as I'm a childminder with a house full of children (off work this week) and he wanted to keep out of the way. I found he just ended up watching TV all the time and not really doing anything, was snappy and depressed (was 5th time being made redundant and my success with the business didn't help his confidence). I tried to kick him up the backside but he had an operation in April and then another one in September so he felt in limbo and his excuse for not trying too hard for a job was that no one would want someone who was about to have an op and need ages off!! I could see his point but I thought it would be good to at least TRY! He's almost recovered from his 2nd op so I'm going to have to start pushing him a bit more again. I hate to 'nag' but we can't afford to live like this and if he's not going to get off his backside by himself, someone has to push him (he doesn't like it, don't think our age difference helps and he doesn't like being told what to do but TOUGH).

For now I agree about giving him some time for it to all sink in but watch out for signs of slipping into a routine of 'nothing' like my dh. I actually think THAT made him more depressed but he couldn't get out of it. When he pushes himself and really tries, he does actually feel better. Good luck and I hope yours finds something else soon.