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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my bro he is bang out of order

53 replies

justsue · 27/10/2010 22:02

Our dad has alz and a couple of months ago he sold his house and gave us all £25k. A couple of months before this whilst the house was being sold he had to sell some shares to keep him going till the funds went in. This was back in May!!!

Anyway, my tosser of a brother phones up today ranting and raving that apparently he gave dad £500.00 12 years ago to buy some of the shares that were sold and he now wants the £500.00 back!!!

This is after dad gave him £25k yet only two months ago. Apparently if bro does not get it he will disown us all (bring it on brother is what I say)

AIBU I personally dont think so

OP posts:
homeboys · 28/10/2010 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pointythings · 28/10/2010 20:47

Homeboys, are you for real? The OP's Dad has Alzheimers and has just forked out a fortune as a gift for this ungrateful so-and-so - anyone with a shred of moral decency would just shrug and forget about the 'debt'.
Honestly, some people! [hangry]

SkeletonFlowers · 28/10/2010 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OTTMummA · 28/10/2010 21:10

homeboys!
Really, you could argue that the dad is perfectly within his rights to hand out random different amounts of money to his children, it happens in lots of families, one gets more than the other.

Im aware that this isn't the case, but he has been given 25K! His dad could of easily just given him nothing but the £500 and not given him anything else.

So really he has paid him back £500 hasn't he?!
He just doesn't see it that way, because he is a money grabbing twat.

Original poster
justsue · 29/10/2010 00:03

HOMEBOYS. Bro was the golden boy, he got the first car, the first bike, the money towards his first house etc.

He and his wife have been round dads flat tonight and asking him to write a cheque :(

Wonderful thing is that I have the cheque book, sister is the signatory. THERE IS A GOD AFTER ALL lol. He has rang me tonight shouting and screaming etc, and then they turn up at dads flat after months of not even being there. This is now a matter of principal and I will be dammed if i will give in

OP posts:
Original poster
justsue · 29/10/2010 00:12

This is not about the rest of us paying him the 500.00 its about him being a complete ass. This is not the only money we have had, Fifteen years ago when mum died dad went on massive guilt trip (and he was right to do so) and gave us all £15k in shares. Bear in mind there are five of us. He now has alz and is a different person and if he was not I would not be looking after him :(

I would not be looking after him if he was not

OP posts:
anonymosity · 29/10/2010 00:13

Has your brother been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder? Sounds like a classic definition.

Original poster
justsue · 29/10/2010 00:16

no anonymosity: he is just a spoilt brat. He and dad do not like each other anymore, we all can see that but dad is desperate to claw back wht they had. :(

OP posts:
anonymosity · 29/10/2010 00:25

He's being very cruel then, towards your father. Can you talk to him about this and how much he's going to regret his behaviour, once your father has eventually gone?

Kitta · 29/10/2010 00:30

Apologies if I am incoherent; but I would give brother the £500 and then present him with an estimated bill for his upbringing.
I.e.: Health care
Clothes (as first born he will have got all the new ones. . . )
Toys ( as above)
Schooling
Etc
Etc
Sorry anyone who would actually ?loan? their parent the paltry sum of £500, then get £25000 and think they still have a case need kicking HARD.

Original poster
justsue · 29/10/2010 00:32

thanks for replying :) I have tried tonight and ended up sending him a email stating that when dad was diagnosed he stayed around for three weeks and then threw in the towel,saying that he had other comittments etc blah blah. I am just so frustrated, I did not want to be in this situation but I am here and dealing with the fucking aftermath of what he is doing. The stupid thing is I know that dad will ask me to write a cheque for them... and I am so against it.

OP posts:
3thumbedwitch · 29/10/2010 00:39

justsue - I think I remember some of your previous threads - am I right in thinking that you have ended up with the lions share of the care for your Dad who never treated you well in the first place? Is that right?

I would, in your place, write the cheque on the clear and firm understanding that it is "severance pay" - that your brother is not to contact any of you again as he is worth less than shit on your shoes.

So sorry that your saga is continuing in bad ways and hope things improve for you.

Original poster
justsue · 29/10/2010 00:44

Kitta he did not loan dad the money he is sayihng that 12 years ago he gave dad 500 to buy the shares, which at that time they were worth 20 pence a share, now he is saying he wants another 500.00 after the 25k that he has just given us but the arguement is that why would dad buy the shares for him but put them in his name. Dad at that time was far to cute to do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
justsue · 29/10/2010 00:48

sorry; bro is saying that he wants what the shares are worth now which are 500 pound. Dad is saying he does not remember buying shares but not putting them in bro name. we are saying he has just give you 25k in August dont be a money grabbing brat !!!!

OP posts:
aaaaaAAARGHandbreathe · 29/10/2010 00:49

Like another poster's idea about pennies.

I would personally be incensed enough to bother going to the bank a few times (or go in and pre-order) £500 in pennies and then pour them through his letter box along with a letter saying "Consider this £500 full and final settlement for your filial duties on the condition you don't contact any of your family, especially your father, again." And get your siblings to sign it too.

Twat does not even begin to describe...

Original poster
justsue · 29/10/2010 01:05

3thumbedwitch: Yes I am that one lol, how I have moved on in the last nine months I dont know,all I can say is that I have done it and will carry on looking after dad and that is not because he has given us money its about karma, forgiveness, he is a different person I dont know. All i know is that i am getting a sort of satisfaction looking after him and I am enjoying the praise i am getting from the family :)

Moving on to bro he is a spiteful horrible tosser that is all I can say.

aaaaAARGhandbreahte: you are right he is a complete and utter twat and if I could do that I would

right now at this very moment I want to say to the lot of them I have done my best, have put aside the wrongs and have moved on, dad is the opposite of what he was blah blah. yet i will be dammed if i will bro rip him of for more money

OP posts:
3thumbedwitch · 29/10/2010 01:08

I am glad that you are getting some positive feelings and feedback for the work you are doing for your Dad, justsue - pretty amazing. Well done!

Original poster
justsue · 29/10/2010 01:13

thumbbedwitch: Now I feel like crap, fallen out with the golden boy, have to do dad morro again and its like groundhog day every day and am fighting with the family... yet taken the pressure of them :(

You know the history what do i do now ?

OP posts:
3thumbedwitch · 29/10/2010 01:46

I think you have to ask the rest of them what they want to do about it. Take the consensus opinion and then get someone else to tell him. In the meantime, do as someone else suggested and block him from your Dad's phone.

Heracles · 29/10/2010 02:25

Twelve years ago?? Ha ha! Christ, you'd let £500 go after that time, surely?

People are bloody weird about money, aren't they?

Heracles · 29/10/2010 02:26

Write him a cheque for £500 from your £25k and include a note. He can grow a pair and tear up the cheque or he can bank it and go fuck himself.

Ball's in his court then, innit?

homeboys · 29/10/2010 09:49

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BaggyCoconut · 29/10/2010 10:11

I think your bro sounds like an arse.

If I was in a position, where someone "owed" me £500, then that person gave me £25K, I would take that as payment and some mighty genrous interest on top!

I would try explaining to your bother again that he has just had alot of cash ( and I think you mentioned £15K of shares a few years ago). He has been more than paid back.

I know it feels like giving in, but if your brother will not let up, maybe you and the other siblins, should just chip in togehter, pay him the sodding £500, and tell him to piss off and leave you all in peace. That way at least you are ensuring he is not hasseling your dad anymore. Which, although your brother wuill have got his way, would mean you where not worrying so much that your brother weill still be putting pressure on your father.

Your brothers tactics of just showing up at your dads asking for payment, seem a little like intimidation to me. Your dad needs protecting from this whole situation, even if it means giving into the selfish twat this time.

Oaying him the £500 on the condition that he does not darken anyones door again, at least shows his true colours. If his whole family if only worth £500 to him, then so be it.

BaggyCoconut · 29/10/2010 10:12

Sorry for the awfull typing in thast post, fingers dont seem to want to behave this morning Grin

twolittleflyingmonkeys · 29/10/2010 10:16

Hecate has hit the nail on the head. And yes yes to giving him it all in pennies. Tight-fisted git.

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