It is going to be a bloody nightmare for a while, and then people will eventually start doing something about it. But it took us a long time to get into this state, and will take a long time to get out of it.
The fact is, we have been spoonfed, and disempowered for so long now, we expect to be carried by the state, and told what to do by them, we assume it will be there, and are indignant when it isn't. We expect handouts from the government, when previously we would have got help from our family and friends.
I wrote a blog post about this a while ago - will see if I can find it and C&P it - it was in response to a thread on here about not having a right to be disappointed if your mum doens't help you out when you have a baby, even though 100 years ago, peopel would have been horrified ifa mum didn't help out in that situation!
Blog Post:
I started this post a couple of months ago, but was inspired to finish it off after reading my friend?s latest blog post. She talks about how important the internet has become now that we are becoming so isolated from eachother. I agree ? I use the internet a lot in the daytime, when all I have for company are my very wonderful, but not-yet-adult children. I feel a strong link to all the other parents out there, who also have no other adults to talk to for several hours most days.
But what goes along with the isolation is the lack of real life support and help from our real life community. According to some people on a forum I spend a lot of time reading, we are being entirely unreasonable if we expect that the people who love us will help us out when we need it. Not only unreasonable, but also in possession of an over-inflated sense of entitlement. By the time we come to have our own children, our mothers are likely to be tired of child-rearing, possibly working full time, and beginning to want a life of their own, apparently, and this is expected, it appears, by many women. If you choose to have children, then you should expect to care for them entirely on your own, unless you can afford to buy help?apparently.
Where has this view come from? Not so long ago, it was a societal norm that all members of a family would rally around when needed, and certainly the early years of child-rearing was considered a time when that should be the case.
I think this is what is at the root of our dysfunctional society. We no longer rely on eachother; we are no longer allowed to expect to be helped by members of our community (what community?); and we are no longer expected to help others who need it. I?m not just talking about financial help, I?m talking about practical and emotional help as well.
I think there are several things to blame for this. Firstly: The state. It took over the financial helping role causing the population to begin to rely on the state. As ?the state? is faceless, it doesn?t seem to require any help in return, so we have become used to getting something for nothing. Tax credits, benefits etc. None of these would be needed in a more traditional society, because if one family were struggling, another better off one would step in to help.
The maternity grant? There used to be, in every parish, church boxes of newborn clothes which were mended and cared for and donated to by all the families in the local community and then lent to mothers who needed them when their babies were due.
Childcare vouchers? If our society had enough opportunities for parents to work with their children alongside, then we wouldn?t need them; and if we did need childcare on the odd occasion, we had neighbours and family to help who expected to be needed to help as they knew they would have someone on hand to babysit in return when they needed it.
On that note: Feminism too is to blame, in my opinion. Now, don?t get me wrong ? I am a feminist. But I am one who also believes very strongly in the right of the child to have a parent caring for them for the majority of their childhood, with extra help given from other people who love that child. I know this is a contraversial view, but it doesn?t conflict, in my opinion, with my feminist views. But that little rant is for a different post! The point is, if parenting a child was given the respect and interest it deserves, then we would be under less pressure to find ?success? is only possible if it comes with money; and therefore would have less need for both parents to go out to work.
Feminism is also guilty of making women feel that we are weak if we rely on other people. Being dependent on someone else seems to mean that we are oppressed. On the other hand, some men feel emasculated if they ask for help! The branch of feminism that says we will only be equal if we try to be like men has a lot to answer for, in my opinion. I think we need a complete overhaul of our society so that we all, male or female, feel that it is ok to ask for help ? or even expected to ask for help ? and that we all feel a responsibility to give help when and where it is needed!
Parenting is not meant to be as difficult as it is for parents in our culture. It is meant to be shared, and fun. Babies are not meant to cry because there should be other adults there to cuddle them when their mother can?t; and neither are parents meant to cry for the sole reason of being so exhausted and lonely. We are not meant to get so close to the end of our tethers and beyond so frequently because there should be other adults there to take over when things get stressful. Why have we made life so hard to live when children come along; and then castigate eachother if we hope for a bit of help? It?s so sad ? not good for parents, and not good for children growing up like this.