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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take a moving day from work

68 replies

waterlooroadisadocumentary · 27/10/2010 20:12

My family are moving house soon and we have the dates for moving in. The date is midweek but we are going to actually move on the Saturday. My husband wants me to take a moving day on the following Monday.

I have said no as I think that as a teacher I have enough time off and afterall I am actually moving in on the Saturday. My new house is very close to my school so as a compromise I could leave close to the bell on the Monday. I have also taken this half term to mostly pack so am doing very little school work.

My DH is, to put it mildly, not amused and says that I often work above and beyond and therefore one day to move - on a day when my contact time is light- is not too much to ask.

If it is relevant many of my colleagues have taken moving days.

OP posts:

Littlefish · 28/10/2010 09:29

I moved twice in a year. I took a moving day the first time, but not the second time.

It seemed a reasonable compromise to me at the time.

However, my dh took a couple of days off work each time, and although I did all the packing, he did all the moving. If we did it again, I would definitely take the day off both times.

I feel that the moving process put an unecessary burden on DH which could have been shared.

Your DH clearly feels that he would like some support with the moving process. It is within your power to offer that support by taking the day off work, so I think you should do it.

I know that he found it very diff

Littlefish · 28/10/2010 09:29

Ignore the last half sentence!

SeaTrek · 28/10/2010 09:51

YANBU

I am a teacher and I wouldn't take a moving day if I could avoid it. It just pushes more work onto another day!

RockBat · 28/10/2010 09:55

DH would refuse to take the day off and leave me to get on with it (as usual) and I'd be royally pissed off tbh.

taintedpaint · 28/10/2010 10:56

I see both sides of this, but I'm afraid I'm more with your DH. Moving house is a massive strain and for you to be home to share the load on a day you sound like you could get off, would be a great help.

I think you would be terribly unreasonable to lie to your DH that the day was turned down, so if you really don't want to take the day off, at least be honest about it.

I honestly think you should take the day, or at the very least, a half day where you are home for the lions share of the daylight hours. If I was your DH, I would be upset if you refused.

Your DH has a right to be annoyed with this I think. Look at it this way, what's easier? Him being upset and resentful at you for a while, or taking a day off school?

RockBat · 28/10/2010 11:04

Everybody is in the same boat with regards to work piling up when they're not there. I work three days and the work piles up for Mondays and I have a job share ffs. Teachers aren't unusual in this.

cat64 · 28/10/2010 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

trixie123 · 28/10/2010 11:13

I agree that if you'd come one here complaining that DH won't take a day off you'd be getting lots of support and sympathy. I think that as you were out of the country for your last move it would be reasonable to expect you to be around more for this one. I am a teacher too and yes cover work is a hassle but these things happen, your exam classes will cope - its only Oct, not May. o doubt you cover for colleagues when necessary, its part of the deal. Non- teachers often don't get how all consuming the job can be but I also think lots of teachers do overdo it and forget that it is just a job still.

BelligerentGhoul · 28/10/2010 11:15

But they are moving on a Saturday - it's not like he'll be doing the move by himself. He wants her to have a day off to unpack.

Original poster

waterlooroadisadocumentary · 28/10/2010 12:51

Right there has been a devlopment and we are get the house on the Friday but the big move in on the Saturday. The estate agent is two minutes up the road from school so I have said to DH I can pop out at lunch time to sign anything and collect keys. I think he is planning to move a few things in his car on Friday, I will leave work at 4pm and help Friday evening.

I only see some of my exam classes once a week and they will have missed a week for exams so missing them is a big deal if I don't have to.

OP posts:

Original poster

waterlooroadisadocumentary · 28/10/2010 12:56

I am not thinking of not even asking for the Monday. Every day this week I have been packing, taking things to the charity shop and getting this house ready for the move. I have not left the whole move to DH. I will make a real effort the week after the move to finish work at school by 5pm and bring very little home that week so I can help unpack.

DH is now saying why don't I take the Friday off and I can help him move the clothes and kitchen stuff on the Friday and get the house ready for the arrival of the removal van on Friday.

I don't know.

OP posts:

Casserole · 28/10/2010 13:31

I don't get it, quite honestly.

You get the house on Friday. You'll do a few car loads Friday evening and the rest Saturday morning. You'll be in by Saturday afternoon and have the rest of Saturday and Sunday to unpack. Problem solved!

It's never even occurred to me to take more days off for unpacking. I've taken the Friday of the actual move off, as annual leave, but unpacking leave??? Never heard of it.

Quenelle · 28/10/2010 13:33

What's a moving day? Seriously, I've never heard of one. Is it a paid day off work?

We moved house on a Wednesday, the same week I returned to work from a year's maternity leave. It wasn't an option for me to take a day from my annual leave so DH had to do it on his own. We couldn't afford a removals firm so he had to get my brother to help him load the furntiure on and off the rental van. It was hard work but he survived. We only unpacked essentials and did the rest the following weekend.

curlymama · 28/10/2010 13:46

It sounds to me like your DH has a problem with your job being quite demanding of your time, rather than the fact that you won't take a moving day.

I'm guessing he simply doesn't understand the pressure teachers get put under when they have to take time off during the term. The situation you're in now could be more of a symptom of that, rather than the actual problem iyswim.

What does your timetable look like for the Friday, could you compromise and take a day off then instead? In practical terms, I've always found getting out of the old house harder than getting into the new one. Maybe if you managed to get the Friday off instead it could be an acceptable compromise for you both and DH would see that you aren't always putting your job first.

Original poster

waterlooroadisadocumentary · 28/10/2010 13:54

Casserole that is what I said to DH. I have never taken a moving day ever in my life, I think DH perhaps on hearing that others have taken them thinks I should do the same.

Curly that does make sense.On the Friday I also have 2 freee periods but they are in the middle of the day. I also have 3 exam classes.

OP posts:

onepieceoflollipop · 28/10/2010 14:01

A moving day Quenelle (afaik anyway) is a day that teachers are entitled to if they have to move house on a week day in term time. I may be completely wrong.

There are very few circumstances when teachers can request time off in term time (bar illness, bereavement or needing to care unexpectedly for a child/other dependent)

I think that originally moving days where intended to cater for people who had little choice on what day they completed a house purchase. (e.g. it's often on a Friday to suit the solicitor and not during the weekend)

emptyshell · 28/10/2010 14:02

I went into school on moving day - told the men not to break anything and get it done while I wasn't there. Got home to find the cat had holed herself up under the kitchen cupboards, three breakages and general chaos!

We're going to move soon - hubby's planning on taking a couple of weeks off as his normal leave to get the DIY we want doing done, get the house straight and unpack - although I know from past experience he'll unpack the xbox, need to "test it out" and be lost to the world for the rest of the day. He's basically shunted the leave he'd be taking this time of year anyway (we didn't have a break in the summer) over to the move window to be on hand then. I'm supply, so can pick and choose when I work anyway - but I'll take days around if they're offered to me, unpacking doesn't take half as long as getting stuff in the ruddy boxes in the first place!

onepieceoflollipop · 28/10/2010 14:02

were intended that should have said.

onepieceoflollipop · 28/10/2010 14:04

emptyshell it would be a real shame if you ^accidentally* packed the xbox yourself and took it into work for "safekeeping" during the move.

kitbit · 28/10/2010 14:08

I don't think the issue is the day iself, I think the issue is that your dh thinks you put work first.

You don't need to take a moving day if you don't need it, and taking it just to prove a point to him would be daft and more trouble than it's worth. Talk to him about the priorities of life directly instead, and reach an agreement you're both happy with. If that means taking the day, take it. If you can settle this some other way, also good.

Original poster

waterlooroadisadocumentary · 28/10/2010 14:10

My DH is very organised, has an army background so I am in no doubt that he will do a stirling job, whether I am there or not.

I think this is a protest about my working hours, this whole move is about work. We are hoping that by living closer to my school I can have more time at home with the family. I think I need to ensure I do put our family first so he does not feel the need to make protests like this.

OP posts:

runningrach · 28/10/2010 14:11

I would approach this from the perspective that you are letting other people - students - down if you take a day off when you don't actually need it. It's not about putting your job first it's about your duty to students, presumably no one misses out on important learning in DH's job if he takes a day off?

If you are shouldering an equal amount of the packing and organising pre-move then I don't see the problem. Could you draw up a list with your DH of the things that need unpacking immediately on the Sunday/Monday, and then have a 'low priority' list of things that you will do/unpack in your Christmas holidays when presumably you will have more days off than he will?

I can't see you getting EVERYTHING done in one weekend anyway, even if you make it a long one, as in my experience you just get so exhausted and tired of the whole thing that you veg out on the last day and put off finishing it til a later date anyway. We still had boxes a year later! (I don't recommend that...)

Original poster

waterlooroadisadocumentary · 28/10/2010 14:15

To put things in perspective DH is working until 1pm on Friday, so I will only be joining him 3 hours later.

That is very good advice runningrach, DH loves lists.

To my shame I have just taken 2 boxes from our garage that I have not unpacked since our move 3 years ago.

OP posts:

onepieceoflollipop · 28/10/2010 14:18

Could you also make life as easy as possible for him on the Monday, to acknowledge his issues about you not taking a day off. Perhaps order him some food to be delivered at lunchtime or similar? (or take it yourself at lunctime and make him a bit pot of tea/coffee?)

Original poster

waterlooroadisadocumentary · 28/10/2010 14:21

I had already thought of making him a meal to freeze and take on the day. I could pop out to see him at lunch as well

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