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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to relocate to Sydney?

8 replies

makeminemango · 27/10/2010 15:54

I am an Australian and have lived in London for 10 years. I met my European/South African husband here and we now have 2 children aged 11months and 2.11. I want to go home. I never planned to live in London or the UK in the long term. Neither of us have extended family in the UK as DH's family are in Europe. I am shedding friends at a rapid rate as they move out of London (my English friends) or back to Australia (including some English friends). Its lonely here, both of our jobs are being threatened by the current economic mess, we cannot avail ourselves of London's delights with two young kids, and I am worried about the quality of education in our borough (huge class sizes for example). I just think the quality of life is better in Australia, including job prospects but i also want to be with my family and friends. However- and here is the guts of it- my husband does not want to go to Oz. He cites various reasons, including proximity to his family and job retraining. Its causing a huge rift in our relationship (as those of you who may have identified me probably know). I am not asking to move tomorrow but i dont want to stay in the UK. AIBU??

OP posts:
tetrea · 27/10/2010 15:59

YANBU its only natural for you to long to go 'home'

HelenRosie · 27/10/2010 16:00

I'm a bit surprised you didn't discuss these kind of plans before marrying and having children

Katey1010 · 27/10/2010 16:01

I feel for you (am in the same situation but in Canada and want to be in the UK). What was your agreement? I have always said we will need to spend time in the UK, just for fairness to me and to give DC a taste of both cultures. Every time DH says, "if we go to the UK" and I say, "when".

I wouldn't agree quality of life etc. but just that it would be unfair for you to never get to live in Oz when he gets to have family/friends on call.

A note of caution since it scared me... Someone I know broke up with her husband here and now can't go back to the UK as no Court here will say that is best for the DCs.

makeminemango · 27/10/2010 16:03

Yes, I know HelenRosie, I know. However, I knew that he also did not want to settle in the UK and I assumed (at present incorrectly) that it was an issue that we could work out together.

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emmyloo2 · 27/10/2010 16:09

No YANBU at all. I am Australian and live in the UK and we are moving back early next year. Not because Australia is better than the UK but just because I miss my friends and miss my family. I have been away from home for 6+ years now and it's time to go home.

However, my husband is also Aussie and we are both from the same city so he is as keen as I am. It is hard when one person wants to move and another doesn't. However, you are going to have to reach some form of agreement. It doesn't seem unreasonable at all for you to move home. With the £ so low now and the economy a lot stronger in Oz, perhaps you can use these as arguments to negotiate.

Tough situation though. I feel for you.

makeminemango · 27/10/2010 16:18

Thanks for the support- its a tough one.

The thing is Katey1010 is that we have no extended family here at all as DH's family is in Europe. It would potentially be difficult for us to relocate ther, maybe its something I would have to consider in exchange for some time in Oz? The irony is that he has a number of good friends from SA in Sydney, with his best man planning to move there in the next few years.

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febes · 27/10/2010 16:19

I know exactly how you feel. I am a NZer and have been in the UK 10 yrs meet my DH who is from SA and have 2 DCs 3 and 1.5. When we married (7.5 years ago)we decided to move to NZ as I really wanted to go home in the future DH agreed but then changed his mind that he wanted to go to SA. We then spent 3 years trying to decide/ arguing about it until I said I would give SA a go but then I had my first DC and just couldn't. The pull home was too much. We have just left the uk and are on route to NZ (currently on holiday in SA). Its really hard as his family want him to stay and he does but is going for me so the pressure for NZ to be great is huge. I hope it all goes smoothly and we find work and enjoy life there.
I hope you can come to a compromise that suits you both.

makeminemango · 27/10/2010 16:25

Hooray for you Febes. I hope it does work out though I hear what you are saying about the pressure for NZ to be great.

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