to be upset and angry that DS (4) has been hit and scratched at school?

[spookerv1xen]

picked DS up and when he came out I noticed a big red mark on his cheek and 2 scratchmarks :( his teacher didn't say anything to me. when I asked him about it he said someone had hit him, he said the lads name but he couldn't (or wouldn't) give me any more information, so I went back and asked his teacher about it, she knew nothing about it, said she didnt see anything, and DS hadn't told her. but promised she would have a word with the boy who supposedly did it tomorrow.

this boy who hit him has done it before, the other week, he kicked him so hard in his arm he had a bruise :( (the teachers did see this and the boy was put in time out)

i know this will sometimes happen at school and I suppose there is nothing else they can do, but i am so upset and angry. had tears in my eyes when i was looking at his face. (havent let DS see that I am.)

No - YANBU.
You have done the right thing and brought it to teacher's attention and of course you are upset for your son.

If the other boy has done this before I expect the school will now be keeping a close eye on him (I hope!!).

I would speak to your son and try to establish what happened then discuss it from there.

Sadly, this type of thing will happen but hopefully the school has strategies for dealing with hitting, kicking etc.

DS is such a mild mannered little boy as well, he's quiet, kind, he wouldn't say boo to a goose, why would anyone want to hit him?

from what DS has told me about the other boy he sounds like a bit of a handful anyway, apparently, he is often being told off for naughtiness.

You did the right thing mentioning it. DS1 had a character like this in his reception class, and I had many trips into the classroom, to report the latest kick, bight, scratch etc. It steadily got better, although actually lasted for a while - not every day by any means, it tended to be at the beginning or end of term, when excitement is high. They are now good friends, six years later, and the lad has turned out to be quite a nice character, but it was very upsetting at the time.

Two things I found helped. 1) keeping a log of incidents and whether I had spoken to the teacher. Came in useful when the mother of the said child took umbridge at something, and I was able to remind the school of the fact it had happened the year before. 2) Enrolled ds in a karate class. It helped him to be less afraid, as he was getting quite scared of the other boy, but also reinforced the message that hitting is never OK (Karate has to be non-contact and the message is given out very clearly by the teachers.) You probably aren't at the wanting to join karate stage yet, but I can thoroughly recommend it for gentle people.

HTH

Same happened with one of my ds, who was (is) a very quiet and sensitive boy. I think because he never fought back he definitely got picked on by a couple of the rougher kids.

We kind of accepted it in reception, there are always going to be knocks and bumps, but when it carried on in year 1 and 2, I'd just about had enough. It got to be a bit of a groundhog day situation with the school, who were sympathetic but always just said they would "have a word" with the child/parent concerned and nothing got resolved. By the end of year 2 he was still regularly coming home with deep bleeding scratches and bruises, usually on his face and neck.

I have to be honest and say we changed schools in the end, and it was the best decision we ever made. I'm not suggesting for a moment that you do this after one incident, but for my ds the difference to his self-esteem has been astonishing.

thanks for the replies

scarylooker that is truly awful :( i am so sad for your DS, is he happier at school now? i hope so.

well, i picked him up from school earlier and his teacher said nothing, so i bet they have done FUCK ALL about it.

i am a parent governor so may mention it at the next meeting.....its not acceptable that they dont seem to give a shit.

Why don't you ask next time you see her?
I don't think i would stop baggering them until i found out what they have actually done, what was said, and how they will handle it if it happens again.

If they are so blase about it if it happens again, i would talk to the boy's parents myself, not aggressively, but just to let them know etc.

yeah i am going to ott

its always a nightmare at pick up time trying to get the teachers attention though.

oh god i wouldnt dare approach his mum, she is really scary :( (probably why he's like he is)