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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want DH to go back to work, just two days into his holiday?

27 replies

minimathsmouse · 26/10/2010 23:17

He is driving me round the bend. He has re-scheduled the week, he takes phone calls from my friends, sometimes telling them I am out. He has changed all the times/days I had planned. The children will miss out on some activities because he rescheduled them and some clash.

He has commissioned the sink and the kitchen. Which would be fine, except he has flooded the kitchen.

He insists we all lay in, because he wants to! He sabotages the alarm clock. He then bosses everyone around and today we were all told to pick up everything so that he could dust and hoover. By lunch time I wanted to scream.

OP posts:

Scaredandalone · 26/10/2010 23:21

YADNBU I always get annoyed with dp telling me how wrong I do things when he is off work

Original poster

minimathsmouse · 26/10/2010 23:25

Scareandalone, does you DH boss you around? Mine has been on my case since 9am.

OP posts:

montoyadiary · 26/10/2010 23:34

god poor you! sit him down and explain he's being unhelpful by rescheduling, go back to your plan and find some time to do some things together while he's off work. Maybe he feels a bit superfluous and wants to feel important in making decisions (trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here!)?

TechLovingDad · 26/10/2010 23:35

Can't you just tell him to fuck off?

Or will he "make such a fuss" that it's easier if you just do as he says?

Sheesh.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 26/10/2010 23:37

YANBU- do you not have a garage or a shed that he can go to?? My DH has lots of hobbies (cycling/ motorbiking/ pottering in the garage) so I usually magnamaniously tell him to go and "enjoy" his time off- and leave me to my own devices!

Your DH needs a hobby!

bumpybecky · 26/10/2010 23:45

I suggest you all sneak out of the house for a fun day out while he's having a lie in tomorrow!

fidelma · 26/10/2010 23:51

YANBU
we have just had a holiday and were nearly divorced.Seriously.Good luck

SkeletonFlowers · 26/10/2010 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsLucasNorth · 26/10/2010 23:56

Yanbu. Dh and I both work term time only - need I say more...

Original poster

minimathsmouse · 26/10/2010 23:59

bumpy, I like your idea. I have already resorted to running out the house once today.

Jolly, yes he needs a hobby. The only thing he is interested in though is computer games. We have an office that is shared and I don't think playing on the computer all day sets a good example to the DCs, plus it is distracting when I have work to do.

So when ever he emerges from the office it is to take over any other space he finds himself in. He booms out orders to the children as though he were a captain in the army. The DCs are used to me being quiet and I ask rather than demand. I feel its not fair on them.

OP posts:

Original poster

minimathsmouse · 27/10/2010 00:06

SkeletonFlowers, MrsLucasNorth, fidelma, how do you cope?

I feel I might just pack a bag, he is so meddlesom. He just interferes in everything. He is so inflexible and seems to think that we should run to some sort of time table, preferably his. If I dare to change my mind or just want to chill with the kids, he carries on as though the world will end.

Surely a bit of dust won't kill us and I can't make out what the obsession is with the kitchen. I can't get anywhere near the kettle.

OP posts:

TechLovingDad · 27/10/2010 00:17

I repeat, can't you say "fuck off, we are not your possessions, we are people"?

Joolyjoolyjoo · 27/10/2010 00:21

If he wants to dust and polish, I say let him- and take the dc out somewhere! you could also mention that pile of washing...

SkeletonFlowers · 27/10/2010 01:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatdoiknowanyway · 27/10/2010 08:55

I used to have a girls day out at the beach in the holidays with my sisters and our dcs. It became a bit of a tradition with set routine including chips on the beach, walk on the prom, wander round the little shops full of tat...
My DH was off work so came with us. Rescheduled when we left, conversation and music in car totally different, insisted on sitting sedately in cafe rather than chips on beach, vetoed shops as 'full of rubbish' etc etc.
Eventually I exploded and asked if there was anything else about our traditional girls day out he would like to change.
Sometimes men forget that the intelligent, independent woman they married are still quite intelligent enough to work out their own routines and independent enough to take umbrage at being treated like an idiot. Exasperating.

NoelEdmondshair · 27/10/2010 09:08

YABU. Encourage your DH to take the kids swimming, cycling, walking. Go along with them or stay home and have some time to yourself. Don't spoil his limited holiday time by making him feel like a nuisance in his own home.

bigchris · 27/10/2010 09:11

He tells your friends you're out when you're in?
He sounds controlling tbh, way over what is normal
yes my dh is annoying but he doesn't enforce lie INS and polishing when he's home and he doesn't stop me seeing my friends

LIttleMissTickles · 27/10/2010 09:13

YABU, everything NoelE said.

Needanewname · 27/10/2010 09:13

I repeat what someone else has said at least twice now - tell him to fuck off!!!

If you knew he was taking the week off it would have been nice for him to have a say in what you do as a family.

How about you let him know the plans for today (and say you would love for him to join you) and ask him what he would like to do tomorrow.

And as for him rescheduling things, reschedule them back if they're that important.

2rebecca · 27/10/2010 09:29

I don't see how he can "reschedule" your stuff if you don't want him to.

This isn't about him being on holiday, this is about you living with a man who doesn't treat you as an equal and who you can't/ don't stand up to.
Hiding the problem by sending him to work won't solve it. It sounds like you need a long chat, and if you don't want to reschedule your week then don't, and tell him to stop lying to your friends, and telling you when to get up.
It's no good obeying his "orders" and then moaning about him. You have to stand up to him and make him see he is bullying you.

MrsLucasNorth · 27/10/2010 10:01

Dd has 3 close friends who go to different schools so we try and see a fair bit of them during hols. We are both quite independent anyway, and having just the one dd we sometimes take off for a girls day out.
When we are all at home he does suffer from control freakyitis though.
He is anal about laundry and if we have it on dries indoors will be up and down constantly moving stuff around so it drys evenly.
He had a wobbler yesterday cos the dining room was a mess - dd was still crafting at the table at the time.
He'll get in from work during term time and we usually get "why is coat not hung up, shoes not away, school uniform still on, book bag in hallway" (usually cos I've picked up dd's friend as well & Dh has got home within about 90 seconds of us walking in the door).
I swear sometimes I think I'm living with an 81 yo, not a 41 yo with all the constant nitpicking.
I could go on, but I need to tidy up and get some washing on!

MrsLucasNorth · 27/10/2010 10:03

I also spend a lot of time in the kitchen with the radio/ipod (he doesn't like that either) !

clam · 27/10/2010 10:09

I have to confess that my heart sinks when DH announces he is "working at home." Despite the fact that this is usually planned to coincide with the Ryder Cup or a test match, he does a lot of "I Am Busy. I Must Not Be Disturbed" huffing and puffing.

But when he told me recently I was "talking too loudly" on the phone (in another room), tutted when I got the hoover out and suggested it would be better if I did my errands after lunch as then I could do a,b and c first, I lost it and told him (cheerfully) to mind his own business or f* off back to the office.

herbietea · 27/10/2010 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

minimathsmouse · 27/10/2010 16:49

Control freakerie, 2nd that.

Actually today has been better, I decided to get my own back. I put up a list of activities, in no particular order and he has been busy ticking them off. This has kept him too busy to nag me and the DC's. I've happily made a mess of the kitchen, sticking and gluing with the DC's whilst he wasn't looking

Clam, really you must keep the noise down! very naughty. My DH thinks he is making helpful suggestions too. Men seem to think we women are incapable of all logical thought.

School holidays might be bliss if only men could easily cope with the unexpected, the unplanned, the mess, the noise, lack of routine. If my DH could just for once summons the ability to be civil to friends etc then life could continue as normal.

Oh just wanted to say he is not a bully. He is a rather docile twit most of the time. I think he tries to over compensate for the rising panic. He feels like a fish out of water at home. I think he is more comfortable at work and is usual routines than in the chaos called school holidays.

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