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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be a bit fed up with DH being a bit of a martyr?

19 replies

silverten · 26/10/2010 21:24

Today I have:

looked after DD since she got up two hours earlier than normal because DH crashed out of bed loudly when he went to work

sorted out two loads of washing

cooked and tidied away three meals

made up the spare room for a visitor

taken DD out to playgroup and done a couple of errands that needed doing

spent spare time fiddling around with a load of tedious personal admin that absolutely has to be done by tomorrow

DH has:

been to work, then disappeared off for a shower instead of joining us for tea shortly after getting home. I occupied DD as she got increasingly hyper waiting for her bath. Then he made a phonecall that has been waiting to be made for the last two weeks, that absolutely can't wait any longer. Then he decides to eat his tea at leisure (DD getting more and more wound up by the minute) before doing the evening routine.

DH then seemed to be a bit pissed off that DD hadn't settled at all well, did that thing he does where he goes really monosyllabic (projects a sort of "Don't talk to me, I'm FAR too tired to bother with your prattle" vibe), and has disappeared off to bed without so much as a 'good night'.

I am still fart-arsing around with the admin.

I am actually a bit cross now. Don't get me wrong, he's done his bit of the evening routine, it's just that it has all been on his terms, regardless of whether that suited anyone else. And I'm being made to feel like I'm just fannying about with this admin, as if it was some inconsequential bit of female nonsense.

Grrr.

OP posts:
NothereisnobodylurkingbehindU · 26/10/2010 21:27

YANBU - you need to talk aboutwhat is a priority. Easy for me to say but dh does this kind of thing as well. (Though he always says goodnight)

FerminaUrbinoDaza · 26/10/2010 21:28

Sounds like you're both doing the whole martyr thing TBH.

silverten · 26/10/2010 21:40

No, I'd only be doing the martyr thing if I was doing the admin in order to feel superior. Rather than because it absolutely, positively, must be done by tomorrow.

And how hard is it to say something like 'good night' anyway?

OP posts:
MrsLucasNorth · 26/10/2010 21:48

Starting to wonder if my DH is a bigamist OP Grin

silverten · 26/10/2010 21:50

If I was married to Lucas North I wouldn't be complaining right now... Wink

OP posts:
moajab · 26/10/2010 21:50

YANBU, but I think martyrdom is part of Man's genetic makeup!

spidookly · 26/10/2010 21:52

Why do you let him treat you and his daughter like shit?

Laquitar · 26/10/2010 21:53

What time did he leave in the morning? How long is his day?

kitcat83 · 26/10/2010 21:54

Have you been to mine this evening?!
You have just described my evening! Wink

SkeletonFlowers · 26/10/2010 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

silverten · 26/10/2010 21:59

Spidey: because for the most part he is really lovely. And I'm not perfect all the time either.

Laquitar: about half an hour after we all got up, and as of now, an hour shorter than mine. Sorry, he doesn't get out of it with the 'tired' excuse.

But I'm knackered, so off to bed. Hopefully he'll have turned into a handsome Spook by now!

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 26/10/2010 22:01

Sorry is that all you did?

stepford1 · 26/10/2010 22:06

The Stepford thing really seems to kick in when you have kids doesn't it what was an equal partnership when they respected you for your 'sass' and drive seems to change into their father and somehow they expect that you have these extra magic hours to make it all look like a 50s housewives home - just got crap as he got back and found saucepans in the sink...from actually cooking him a pasta sauce as i was out at business meeting - can't win don't care pouring myself another glass of wine and wanting to drive down to my folks where the kids are so much for a nice evening at home the two of Hmm

thesecondcoming · 26/10/2010 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stepford1 · 26/10/2010 22:10

i think you need to tell him to get off the cross as you need the wood Wink - nice ref with your nickname!

Pushmeinthepool · 27/10/2010 09:49

Skeletonflowers, my DH does that "I'm tired" whineyness all day too. What annoys me is he generally has lie-ins at the weekend and I get up with DS at 7, and then once he's up at 9ish he moans all day "God, I'm so knackered" and keeps yawning. Then starts snoring his head off at 9pm on the sofa

Chandon · 27/10/2010 09:59

stop being a martyr.

Call a friend and go to the pub, if he does this kind of disappearing act. After all he`s at home in case DC wakes up! Or go for a run or a bike ride or whatever. Get out.

Seize control woman, there is no way you can win competitive martyrdom. Been there, done that, didn`t work.

Much better to go out and have some fun.

Laquitar · 27/10/2010 10:02

The man had a shower after a long day at work. Hardly a crime. He also bathed his dd.
He didnt moan. OP is moaning because she did 2 loads of washing (in the w/m i assume) and took dd to playgroup.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 27/10/2010 10:09

Not quite sure how the dh could be described as treating his wife and daughter 'like shit'

Yabu

He worked all day
Did his share of the evening routine
He could probably have been a little less grumpy, but we've all had those nights, no?

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