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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave my kids at home and go to work?

50 replies

Ladyanonymous · 26/10/2010 13:59

New job was supposed to be term time only - now it seems not and haven't yet had a contract (yes its local authority). Got work laptop sorted out so could work from home this week and have taken 3 days leave so am working today and tomorrow.

Am unable to use laptop from home as it has a program missing apparently and am waiting for IT to call me back (at home).

Have no family here and their father is more than useless when it comes to doing anything constructive to help me.

3 kids, 13, 11 and 8 all very sensible and responsible know what to do in an emergency, have access to the phone and mobiles, have their own keys, can make sandwiches, go to the park on their own, know not to answer the door to anyone other than me etc etc and I pop out to shops leaving them here for an hour or so sometimes.

Would I be unreasonable to go to work for a few hours and leave them here? At what age is it okay to do this or is it just a parental choice as to the individual child?

OP posts:

Schroeder · 26/10/2010 14:49

I wouldn't

ScaryFucker · 26/10/2010 14:56

no love, I wouldn't do that

the older 2 perhaps, but the 8yo swings it for me

wayoftheworld · 26/10/2010 15:04

Do you have a good neighboor that they can go to if they need help? If you as a parent feel confident that they should be OK, than try it for a couple of hours at the time and see how they all get on with it.

togarama · 26/10/2010 15:15

At 13 I looked after my two younger brothers (8 and 5 at the time) for long stretches of time in the holidays while my parents worked. I was very responsible and dull at this age - no teenage parties for me. My parents were also very keen on building independence and self-reliance.

How competent are your older children? Can they prepare dinner and look after your 8 year old? Would they know what to do if one of them was sick or injured? Is there a neighbour they could call on in an emergency and/or who would be willing to look in on them once a day?

I'd be willing to leave kids this age if I thought they would cope well and there was emergency adult back-up within easy reach.

If they are very naive, can't cook for themselves and there's no responsible adult nearby, then I'd be looking for a holiday baby-sitter, at least to supervise the youngest.

Clary · 26/10/2010 16:51

megapixels my 9yo has her own key.

There's a good reason and I am totally happy about it. A blanket no to that seems odd to me.

Original poster

Ladyanonymous · 26/10/2010 17:10

The 8 yr old doesn't have a key sorry - the older two do as they let themselves in after school and are usually here for an hour alone then.

There is no after school club.

I was thinking of putting the 8 yr old into a football thing as I am also worried about my 13 yr old being responsible for him if anything happened.

My DD is the 11 yr old and she is very responsible and sensible and has a lot of common sense - she once saved the now 8 yr old when he was a baby and crawled under a stair banister and was dangling off the edge - she was only 3!!

I get on with my neighbours but they are old and have never had any kids.

They know not to use the over while I am not here (they don't use it when I am here!)

OP posts:

olderandwider · 26/10/2010 17:21

I would do it. It's just one day, if I have understood you correctly. You could be home in 20 mins if disaster strikes (which is extremely unlikely anyway).

Just get the 13 year old to phone you every couple of hours to update you and all should be fine.

megapixels · 26/10/2010 17:37

Clary my "I wouldn't" wasn't about the key, it was in answer to the OP's question.

The key thing just jumped out at me cos I can't even imagine giving my 8 year old a key, just me asking a nosey question :).

NothereisnobodylurkingbehindU · 26/10/2010 17:42

I don't think I would leave them for that long. I did leave mine at home a bit over the summer - dd1 is 12 and dd2 is 9. I was at work 10 minutes away maximum and dd1 was well used to being in the house alone as she lets herself in three nights of the week. I wouldn't leave them all day though.

PuppyMonkey · 26/10/2010 17:46

Can't 8 yr old go to a mate's house?

GrungeBlobofEctoplasm · 26/10/2010 17:50

I'd be a bit wary tbh, though if it's a one-off and only a few hours, probably OK, that's different from being a regular thing.

I left my 14yo and 11yo on their own for several days this summer and I'm in no hurry to repeat the experience. Rows, sulking, came back to find kitchen a mess and these are 2 pretty sensible kids, just not a good mix in these circs. I work an hour and a half away so cant get back easily if there is a problem. I don't think you can make your 13yo responsible for the 8yo though.

MrsTumbles · 26/10/2010 18:03

When I was 13 I used to pick my 8 year old Brother up from school everyday, and looked after him during all the holidays (except on Thursdays when my Gran came down, how I loved those Thursdays...)

I only got bored because I had to look after him all the time, but in the early days I was happy that my parents 'trusted' me so much to look after him that I was extra cautious with him and the house.

humanoctopus · 26/10/2010 18:06

I think you know your own children, and its not like you are going away overnight. I do think that 6 hours is a very long time to be unsupervised... is it possible for you to break it up by, for example, you popping home for a sarnie/checking in half way through.

duchesse · 26/10/2010 18:10

I had no problem leaving mine alone at those ages, but different children have different dynamics. You'd have to really trust them not to start fighting. I might be tempted to arrange for the 8yo to go somewhere else if possible so that the older ones aren't responsible for him/her. My youngest also happened to be very mature when she was that age and perfectly able to look after herself, so needed no baby sitting as such from the older two. I just used to tell them they were all in charge of each other before going, which prevents any one child from being in overall control and having undue amounts of responsibility.

redhappy · 26/10/2010 18:13

A few generations ago the leaving age for school was 14, most people started their working life at that age.

In theory it should be fine, but obviously depends on your individual children and how you think they will behave together when they're left alone.

But I'm curious to know what people think has changed that means children this age cannot be left for a few hours anymore?

Want2bSupermum · 26/10/2010 18:24

The issue is the you took a job which was term time only. If you go into work during this holiday they are going to think it is ok for you to come in during other holidays.

I would speak to your manager and have them explain the position. Tell them that when you interviewed you were told it was a term time only position. If they tell you to lump it or leave explain that you have not had an opportunity to arrange care for your children and request that they let you not work for holiday. You can then buy some time to either arrange care or look for another job before they break for Christmas. You clearly don't feel comfortable leaving your children on their own otherwise you wouldn't have put this post up so my advice would be to not leave them.

humanoctopus · 26/10/2010 18:24

I think that people are afraid of being 'in trouble' with ss or others. Its ridculous that people are quite happy to have children playing outdoors at these ages, but suddenly, because they are at home, its questionable.

GiddyPickle · 26/10/2010 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

olderandwider · 26/10/2010 18:45

The OP says she can work from home using her laptop once she gets the right program.

She only wants to leave her children tomorrow for 4-6 hours, the rest of the week she has taken leave.

I think the OP is saying this is a one off situation and is asking for comments on that.

redhappy · 26/10/2010 18:47

Yes that's true. I grew up in a family where older siblings were often responsible for the younger ones (myself in particular) so I don't see any problem with it. But I agree it depends on the family dynamic, if they are likely to argue etc.

Original poster

Ladyanonymous · 26/10/2010 19:59

Hmmm....thanks for replies its a real difficult one this - and my job is in Childrens Services

OP posts:

Schroeder · 26/10/2010 20:04

It's not the leaving them alone that bothers me it's the leaving them together. Sometimes I think mine are going to kill each other in the next room.

But I have no problem with leaving ds (11) on his own for an hour or 2. If it was longer I would take him to work with me, but I'm lucky that I'm able to.

abr1de · 26/10/2010 20:08

I'd put the eight-year-old into a football session and leave the other two.

CardyMow · 26/10/2010 20:25

13yo - yes, no problem.

11yo - depends on the 11yo, be fine if with the 13yo.

8yo - NO. Not even with the 13yo. I have a 13yo and an 8yo, and no way would I leave my 8yo with just a 13yo for supervision. And the 8yo is the most sensible of all my dc!

The older two should manage for 4-6 hrs, with a phone call in the middle. But PLEASE, either take your 8yo with you, or find a mum friend to have him/ put him into a football club/ with a neighbour.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/10/2010 20:36

13 and 11 should be fine for a few hours

but you can not leave the 8yr

not fair on the older 2 to look after, and thought you had to be 14 to legally look after your siblings/bs etc?

either take with you and bribe with ds/books etc or ask a school friend

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