to mind being the odd one out at toddler group?

[stinkypants]

i live in a small village which has a shortage of affordable housing - we live in a former council house, but there are not very many houses at a similar price level, and the rest are very expensive. this does mean that the majority of the village are pretty well off. i don't know why it bothers me, but at toddler group EVERY one else is upper-middle class, for want of a better term,(no offence intended) and nobody from the more modest homes goes. i know there must be other mums with small children but i can only assume they have either been put off / intimidated by the group, or are working/otherwise occupied. it seems a real shame that the group is not formed by a cross-section of the community. i would really like my children to meet and befriend some other children from the village who will end up going to the primary school rather than private school as many of those i've chatted to seem to be planning. the mums at the group are very friendly and chatty, and in no way seem to be excluding anyone. aibu????

YABU - the other mums at toddler group can't help where they live anymore than you do, and if they are being nice to you and not making you feel like the odd one out, then it seems to me that you are doing a good job of making yourself feel like you don't belong.

Is there a village pre-school?

When your DC is old enough send them there and they will probably meet a lot of DC due to go to the school.

You know you are. If it's a nice toddler group, with nice parents, why does it matter what 'class' they are?

If it bothers you that much, think about setting up a 'lower middle class and below only' toddler group.

I was waiting for the bit where you told us that the other mums were being snobby but YOU actually sound more snobby than them!

If they're nice people and the group is fun, what's the problem? Maybe your DC will make some friends whether they go to the same school or not...

YABU ...why dont you speak to some neighbours and ask them why they don't go? I told my net door but one neighbour about our group because she never sseemed to go anywhere...turned ou she is Polsh and her English is bad so she could not read any notices in the paper or round the village!

Not suggesting all your neighbours are foreign...but perhaps they don't know its there? What about your library? Does it have a little singalong or something? Most do.

if they are being nice then i think yabu a bit, maybe they are not thinking about you in terms of income, housing, class etc but just want to get on with everyone and treat everyone the same?
your lucky they are nice though as a lot of the more middle class groups tend to have loads of stuck up people in i find
maybe you can spread the word about the group and get some more of your friends to go or people from your own area?

oh wow- thank you!!! ok points taken... now i've re-read my post it does sound ridiculous. but what i'm getting at too is the fact that no other mums go- at least i do still go every week and lower the tone (-: rather than not going?!!!

are the other DCs really all going to private primary??

I am in a similar situation. I wonder if you feel a bit intimidated? I know I do. When I go to this one group, I feel like a sack of spuds crossed with a wild sheep that has been dragged backwards through a hedge in comparison to all the perfectly coiffured, lithe yummy mummies with manicures.

They are very nice and personable etc but it doesn't stop me feeling a bit shit after it. I'm not particularly into labels etc but God, I wish I looked a bit less thrown-together and that I could wear those nice Ugg boots with a pair of skinny jeans without looking like a heifer squeezed through the eye of a needle.

Also, the babies also look similarly perfect. Mine is in Primark clothes (which don't wash so well, I have to say) and usually looks a bit grubby too

Pah. Yabu. I'm skint. My best friends husband is a surgeon. Meh.

i haven't discussed it with all of them, but certainly several have referred to the local private school when discussing older siblings etc. i have mentioned the group to one other mum but she doesnt go. i do go to 2 other groups in neighbouring villages which are just 10x more mixed in terms of who goes.

arses- please please please join my group!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes toddler groups get a certain reputation, it sticks and puts people off going, other reasons could be that people who live locally (natives as opposed to blow-ins) may have a support network already, friends from school and family etc, so they don't feel the need to go to the toddler group, and are already put off by the reasons you have stated.

I also think, when you have several children, that you are less likely to go to toddler group unless you are friends with people already there, because by the time you get to the 2nd child you already have friends with children the same age as your pfb and you don't feel the need to go out and make more friends...

Toddler groups are always pretty daunting judgemental places to go to, so it is quite easy to find excuses not to go imho!

YABU, I was (still am!) in a similar situation: 95% of the other parents at the DDs school are considerably richer than me and a good 10 - 15 years older. At least, I assume that they are better off because they own their own houses & I rent a housing association flat - I haven't compared incomes with anyone We are not best mates or anything but we all get on fine, we all chat at the school gates & when the DC are playing in the park etc.

OP, in any given situation, someone has to be the least well off. This time, it's you. Doesn't mean you can't be friends with the others :)

YABU - I'm not sure why you mind.

Even if your child befriends someone intending to go to the local primary, they might move house etc..I think you should just let your kids play with the kids who are there and not fret about how rich anyone is. Also - you could meet someone there in your required socio economic group and you might not actually get along!!

Personally I hate toddler groups and don't take my kids anyway.

YABVU.

A few points:

I think if you take the class issue out, YANBU. They are a bunch of people that don't make you feel good, for whatever reason.

• Go where you are comfortable. If they make you feel bad about yourself, don't put yourself through it. Go to the other groups instead.
• Think of them as colleagues rather than friends. For those that will be sending their DC to the local school, you may have to see them day in day out for 7 years.

It is a shame about what's happening to the village schools (and post offices and other amenities too).
affordable housing - keep villages alive

I am just wondering, if there are other families in the village, who will be going to the village school, but do not go to this toddler group........is their maybe another toddler group held at some time, you just haven't come across yet? Maybe there is, it could be worth having a nosy about to see. I can understand you want your little one to get some time mixing with the children they are going to go school with.

Mind you, once your one starts nursary, they will make friends there, who will go on to school with. Lots of children start without knowing lots of other children, they make friends quickly still.

thank you for all your comments - am mulling it all over. i feel i probably am intimidated and wish i wasn't - i do still make the effort though and am happy for my kids to make friends with a wide variety of children- i will log on again tommorrow when i dont have a newborn asleep on my lap making it take forever to type! thanks again -signing off for now (-:

"...EVERY one else is upper-middle class, for want of a better term,(no offence intended)..." - how on earth could this be ever considered an offence?!? What do you believe to be wrong with UM class?

That's so funny! Had to compliment you!