To refuse to buy my dd (5) any more toys until she starts looking after the ones she has?

[earlyriser]

It was her birthday recently and already she has broken some of her toys (snapped the elastic band in operation, cut- with scissors- part of a playmobile toy (beacuse her 3 year old brother told her to!), and snapped part of another toy) on top of this she has ruined a 2 day old toothbrush by chewing it, chewed 4 fingers off her doll, poured half the body wash away and left the tops off her pens.

This isn't a one off or a phase, she just doesn't look after her things and is forever breaking stuff (not always on purpose, just generally quite careless/clumsy)

I am quite fed up with it and have put her new toys away and told her that she won't be getting new ones until she starts looking after her old ones better.

So AIBU or are my expectations realistic for a 5 year old?

end of tether emoticon

A1980
DD1 now 19 has a collection consigned to the attic of collectors barbies including an Irish one when she was 12 she had it out of the box to draw it for a school project and a friend of mines DD [7]was here and took a brush to its hair I was raging friends answer was she shouldn't of left it lying around.

My DD, also 5, is the clumsiest and breaks everything. new Scalextric, two cars, one in perfect condition (DS(6)'s) hers is wrecked. After 4 days. This is par for the course.

However, she is extraordinarily orderly about her things - all in lines, colour coded etc. She just BREAKS everything she touches.

I get a bit wound up about it, but it's not deliberate. Everything goes in her mouth too, so I do think it is just one of those things.

I regularly take a deep breath, do my best to fix whatever it is, and move on.... life is too short - she is my girl, I love her, I cannot bear to see her sad. I'm a pushover!

You are so right anonymous we call her (not to her face i might add) the destroyer as everything she touches breaks.
It is so good to know it isn't just her and tomorrow is a new day where i vow to be more tolerant and patient about these things (will start practising my 'oh never mind' face tonight!)

YANBU I have done something similar with my 3 y/o. She treated her things badly and they were taken away, not for long, just a couple of days. Did the same with her pens after she drew on my walls took 2 weeks to get them back but she hasn't been near the walls with them since! [knocks wood]

My problem is that my DS2 (almost 7yo!) is still like this. BUT he shares a room with his older brother, DS1 (who is nearly 9yo), and DS1 has never been like this. When I have taken DS2's toys away, he plays (roughly) with DS1's toys, leaves them out to get broken, treads on them, loses pieces of DS1's board games etc. It's causing massive arguments...and nothing I do seems to work, he doesn't seem to feel remorse for it, can't clear the room of all toys, as that is unfairly punishing DS1...grr.

earlyriser I just tried to discourage her from doing it. She said lets play with it but her idea of playing was taking all it's pretty clothes off and ruining it's hair. While she did it I kept saying she looks pretty with her clothes on, you'll mess up her hair, the stars are supposed to stay in her hair, why don't we play with all the dolls and pretend she's going to party with her pretty clothes on, etc. But no, she wouldn't listen and kept doing it. If she was my child, I would have taken it away and told her she was spoiling it. But she wasn't my child so what could i do or say?

It was annoying to see it lying around the playroom after that with no clothes on. She probably lost them.

Borderlass that would have pissed me off so badly! I took good care of my toys too just like your DD!

my dd is the same she does not hyave adhd or other symptoms but does put everything in her mouth and is very careless but using your own senario this is how it goes in my house becuase you are right somone "that will generally be me" who has paid for them toys.

And yes there is a difference between intentional breaking
(playmobile camera, twanging elastic band til it broke
"dd if you keep doing that the band will break, dd the band will break quite soon if you do that , dd the band is NOT strong enough to go round your leg"

In my house it goes like this "I have told you to stop doing that with the elastic band if you continue i will take it away"

2 mins later

I have taken the toy away from her so The...

"mummy the band snapped, can i get another" arghggg!) does not happen.

and when "MUMMY CAN I HAVE TOY BACK IS ASKED" wether that be 1,2 or 3 days later i will remind her again why it was taken away.

I actually found the blasted Barbie! They still make them too. 1995 was quite some time ago. I neer forgot it as i watched it being trashed within minutes of being removed from the box. I'll never understand it. I would've treasured it.

www.shopping.com/Mattel-1995-Jewel-Hair-Mermaid-Barbie-Doll/info

I don't know how to post web links so i hope that works.

www.shopping.com/Mattel-1995-Jewel-Hair-Mermaid-Barbie-Doll/info
A1980
that was the one that got DD1 started on her collection its still in the box my sister bought it for her when she was 5 or 6 alot of the others are on stands worth a lot of money not really toys the Irish was on a stand.DD1 never really played with toys just had craft stuff,musically themed or her dolls she also started collecting porcelain dolls at 5.

well heres the shortened version.............

NO

YANBU [hgrin]

Does she have any toys/things that she cares about? Maybe she just isn't really interested in the stuff that people are buying for her. So she isn't particularly bothered about it getting broke or not.

Over the years I've seen things bought for my children that I've thought were lovely and interesting but they haven't and things that I've thought 'well that won't keep their interest long' that became a favourite for a long time.

Haven't read it all........

One of my flatmates at Uni came from a much more liberal/ affluent background than mine. She used to drive the rest of us insane because she was constantly breaking household items by being clumsy/ careless.

My pop psychology view is that it can be traced it back to childhood - when she was a kid and broke something she liked her Mum would replace it and continued to do so while she was a student (broken laptop = new one etc.)

When I was a child and broke something no replacement was forthcoming (primarily for financial reasons).

It is the same now except the things she trashes are even more expensive - cars/ designer handbags and expensive kitchen gadgets.......

We don't actually buy her very much stuff at all but she has just had a birthday and oveer 5 years has accumulated a lot of toys (as someone mentioned earlier to only have a few toys out at one time and rotate them, i have been meaning to do this since she was born but am just not that organised . They are also lucky enough to have a spare room as a toy room so all their toys are (quite neatly) stored there.

holyshmoly my dd could break ANYTHING! I can't really think of any toys which are totally indestructable, if you can, ideas are welcome!

She really isn't a naughty child and is quite delightful in every other area!

I think i was so annoyed because there has been a spate of breakages recently (possibly as we've just had 2 weeks hol and she is at home a lot more). And now i feel like coming to her defence (in the cold light of a new day!)

Allhallow the band broke while i was out of the room (responsibility for own actions and all that)and i have NO IDEA when they decided to cut the playmobil camera strap (it only came to light last night but had obviously been hidden

I just don't have the inclination to watch over them ALL the time and most of the time they are good children who can be trusted (and therefore as either colditz or custy (sorry can't remember which one would say i am the one responsible for the destruction as i enabled them to do it. Fair point i suppose!)

earlyriseer, i didnt mean to be critical at all. most children are not much different. but i do try to introduce some consequences. and i dont think your child is any different than most these days in having more stuff than she needs, my dd certainly does and i am down scalling this xmas have already done all my shopping and she has only 9 things that have relaced some things she has already grown out of and i have stocked upon jammies. but its not easy as im now very tempted to get the playmobil school.

a good way of not having much out at a time is ensuring they tidy up other stuff first and the sheer thought of tidying up my dd will rather just sit and play longer with one or two things. Good luck im sure she will grow out of at some point before she leaves home

Thanks, i'm trying to be positive totally and focus on they toys she has looked after and praising her for this. I don't allow too many toys out at once beacuse i hate to see a sea of 'bits' on the floor!

DD is the same re tidying up, will always find an excuse not to whereas ds will tidy a room in a matter on minutes (oh god MUST stop comparing them )