to think the 'F' word is one we should be proud of......

[PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker]

Thanks to MN, especially dittany, Lenin, BoF and Anyfucker, I have been made aware of my casual attitude to misogyny. This short journey in my reclaiming my old values recently lead me to the London Feminist Network Conference on Saturday. And Oh my God it is one of the most inspirational things I've ever done.

Having money and being relatively attractive in my younger days I was mislead into thinking that being a feminist was irrelevant, after all we had a female PM and then 'girl power' where we were fooled into thinking with the right body shape and a little wit the world was our oyster (farm).

My husband's and friends' response to my recent activities have ranged from being mystified to mockery, from resentment to full on stereotypical prejudice. I am alarmed that barely any of my friends think feminism is relevant.

Am I being unreasonable to reclaim the word feminist to mean a person that wants to rid the world of gender prejudiced?

Posie, I'm so glad to read your OP. I hope (I really, really, REALLY hope) this doesn't come across as patronising, but I've watched your attitudes change over the last year (which is how long i've been on Mumsnet) and it gives me a warm glow.

There is no way to make that sound uncondescending, I'm sorry, but all I mean is that amongst all the frustrating "women are totally empowerful" crap we wade through, an OP like that is bound to cause some smiling.

SH, I think it's fair enough that you don't want to claim the F word.

I just think it's quite amusing that you are so anxious to stop other women reclaiming it though, telling us that we ought to be consorting with the H word, or the E word instead.

Why so threatened?

Letterist!

TINHS....it was truly a revelation when dittany challenged me so effectively....so thanks.

I respect all letters equally. Arguing that the F should not be disadvantaged vs the E is not denigrating the E. [Humourless feminist]

wails But E suffers disadvantage tooooooo

this is like watching Alphablocks in a weird parallel universe (or the sort of dream I have after spending an entire day Mumsnetting about feminism with CBeebies on in the background).

There is a wonderful short animated film that describes just what thousands of girls face every day.

Please watch and share

www.girleffect.org/learn/the-big-picture/the-girl-effect-ticking-clock

that's great!

It's really good to hear so many interesting opinions by women that don't fear calling themselves feminists. Thanks for the thread!

It's my new thing. I had called myself one before but without thought as to what it actually meant!

Posie I'm now really curious to know which thread it was that caused your Damascus moment. Are you willing to divulge it?

It's not just prurient curiosity btw, I'm thinking that if the arguments are that good, I might want to use them myself...

I will search....

It was one of the first 'rape accuser anonymity threads, I was pulled apart. I think my defending the whole thing was pinned on male intent and having a mother of boys and not being able to imagine them accused of something and life ruined, blah blah blah. I searched false rape and found the false rape society. When I read the sort of things they were saying about women and then reading what the feminists were writing I was shocked. I was shocked in the way people were talking about women, thinking that the feminists were making it up and it really wasn't a big deal. But peering over the fence into the world of misogyny I could hide from it no more.

Perhaps that's what did it. Blindly floating through life thinking sexism is what happens elsewhere, afterall if I wanted to be the CEO of a multinational noone could have stopped me.....when I learned that the equality I had assumed all along was a myth I felt compelled to take up the opportunity to go to the conference and now to be involved, the rest is herstory.

Gawd love ya Posie.

Truly brave to change your mind on something so fundamental, in the face of RL convenience etc.

And of course the patient words of Lenin, harsh words of dittany, clever and informative by proles, ISNT, Elephants, OMB, vesela, scurry, LB, sakura, eldritch and sorry if I've missed anyone!!

It's an embarrassing read.

But there was a thread the other day where an OP was annoyed with herself because she had gone out with a bloke, gone back to hers, he called a cab, she went upstairs and passed out very pissed and awoke the next day having had sex. She thought she was to blame.

Perhaps when people deny feminism they should ask themselves if their closest male friend raped them tomorrow who would the law side with, who would be left holding the burden of that crime.....feminism may not be everyone's issue but it should certainly be every woman's.

Thank God, well maybe not God!!

You know I have been thinking a lot about what made me change or more to the point what I was like before! Perhaps our (women's) struggle with gripping feminism and riding the wave is that we don't even notice what's going on. Each injustice is separate so the rape stats are nothing to do with inherent patriarchy, DV is not a woman's issue it's a 'violence' issue and so on. When you can conjure this type of trick it's no wonder women blindly follow the role that is set for us.

I think that's right, and the punishment for not suspending our disbelief about the connections between them is mockery or worse.

It's a bit like when people have affairs - we're told they only admit to what can be proven. Well society will admit that many women are murdered each year, and that many women are raped and then murdered, because the proof is there in the form of a dead woman. But when it comes to agreeing that an even more massive number of women are raped and beaten up but then survive, or just raped without other violence, somehow there's a clampdown on belief. Suddenly it's all about picking holes in her story and "his word against hers" and casting aspersions on the victim

And we have to suspend our disbelief that the "justice" system is still sexist. We can prove that it was in the 19th century, when hitting your wife with a stick was legal, or that it was in the 1960s where unequal pay was a-ok, or that it was in bloody 1990 when marital rape was still legal. But now? Pah at the very thought.

I am very pleased with myself.