to not want her and her dd to stay over

[redderthanred]

I was talking about bonfire night when a new friend ( ie, known less than 6 months) said it would be a great idea to go to one together, then the girls ( her DD and mine) could have a sleepover and mine, and me and her could drink wine, eat pringles and have a laugh in our pjs.

Sounds like a nice ish idea.

Got home and then thought, ' no, i dont want them to stay over night.' ive no spare room, so she will have to sleep on the sofa or something.

then i thought ' dear god, i look bloody awful in the morning and im not sure out new friendship could quite cope with that'

and then i thought ' shit, i will have to blitz the house and then spend like more than 12 hours in their company'

AIBU and totally grumpy to try and wiggle out of it?

YABU

You'll have a great time drinking wine and the girls will have fun.

Do you think she wakes up in the morning looking like an L'Oreal model? You can always offer her your room and you can bunk on the sofa.

Did you forget you have no spare room when you agreed?

Yes.

haha

Im a bit one of those talk first, think later people.

Gets me into all types of trouble it does!

AND even though i know IBU, ill have to be all socialble in the morning.

YANBU. It's the sort of thing I vaguely say to in the moment and then regret and wriggle out of as soon as I think it through properly. It'd be different with an old friend, but in this situation it sounds like unnecessary hassle. Sod sleeping on the sofa! Why can't you go to the bonfire then both go back to your own homes?

say yes to, i meant

pink- yeah, thats what i think. That would be fine. If it was an old friend i wouldnt feel the need to do the whole house and make it all nice. But ive only known her 6 months and maybe only actually seen her 5 times, in fact shes never been to my house before, and ive not been to hers as we always meet out and do things with the children.

Shes lovely, i really like her, but im just a bit about them staying the night.

erm, drains problem/rats/mad elderly retainer in the attic/fever epidemic/power cut due to non bill payment/have to be at an airport at dawn...

I dunno, think you might have to go through with it.

YABU :) She could become a great friend, maybe this is her way of taking your friendship to the next step. Don't over clean your house, she's your friend not an Environmental Health Officer. I'm sure he house isn't perfect! Relax, have fun, and let your DD's have fun!

Tell her about the no space situation, if she's happy for a night on the sofa, then go for it!

I can see the others are much more chilled out than men, but as I understand it, it's not a tangible fear that she'll really judge you on the state of your house, is it? It's just that it can be stressful having people stay over and who needs the pressure when you'd rather relax on your own? I wouldn't even make up an excuse at this stage in a friendship. I'd just say: "sorry, you probably think I'm a bit weird and uptight, but I'd just rather not do the whole sleepover thing. It'd be lovely to go out with you, but then I really need to crash out on my own. Loads to do in the morn etc etc." She should totally understand. Not like she's offering to have you both to hers, is it? And god, if she was, it'd never end!

I do have friends, honestly.

much more chilled out than 'me', of course - I really cannot type today!

pink - yeah. you get it.
I know im a bit funny about the invasion of space.

I think its years and years of living pretty much on my own. ( ex husband was forces and pretty much never there)

I like doing things, i just like to be able to chill out on my own afterwards.

I realise this makes me sound really really grumpy!

i remember that shiney- wasnt that the plumber texts night? was that really a year ago???????????

You'll probably end up having a blast - if you didn't get any alarm bells ringing when she first suggested it, your subconcious doesn't have a problem with it, so I'd give it a go and see how you get on. What have you got to lose, after all?

redder, I do totally get what you mean, but sometimes you do just need to say, 'Sod it, it's one night, and it's an investment in a friendship'.

You know what you might do re: beds? I have this prob myself (i.e. having only one adult bed in the house) so I recently got a double camping mattress, Coleman's I think. Cost about £19 plus £5 airpump to blow it up with. Takes up practically zero space when it's not inflated and is big and comfy enough to reasonably offer a guest without seeming stingy. They are on sale now generally as camping stuff is going out of season...
Hope that helps a bit

I'd always rather sound grumpy than have people endure my actual grumpiness when they stay over and I run out of sociability!

Seems like lots of people disagree though so you may just want to go for it and if it isn't great, just grin and bear it and try to wriggle out of it next time instead. But it does sound like you know yourself pretty well. If it ain't the direction you want to take this friendship, why give the wrong impression?