to be annoyed at ds9 being given medicine for 12yrs plus?

[moonchaser]

New to AIBU but have posted before on mumsnet (forgot log in details so have had to name change!)

Kids have spent weekend with STBXH, eldest DS is 9 and has had a rotten cough all weekend.

When he came home last night XH didnt inform me about him having any medicine just that he hadnt been feeling that great. Ds was telling me he felt ill and was looking for something to give him. Only for him to tell me that XH girlfriend had given him some cough medicine she had used the other week. Gave him it and then said 'oh it says only for over 12's never mind it will be ok'

I am really annoyed with this I still dont know what he was given and cant believe she would think its ok. I will speak to XH about this but know he will say I am being unreasonbale and its fine as no damage done. I really do not want her dishing out medicines to the children if she cant read the bottles properly what would she think is suitable to give my dd age 2?! AIBU?

YANBU, does the girlfriend have children?
STBXH needs to be responsible, give him a list of stuff he needs to have in the house and point out that if he can't keep the children safe, they can't stay over.
Keep a record of any concerns you have as well, dated.
Depending on bodyweight, medication for 12+ is unlikely to bother a 9 YO, but would not be good for a 2YO. Plus, the casual attitude might extend to prescription medication.

Depends what medicine it was and the doses.

She should read the labels and check that first though.

She doesnt have any DC of her own. I have no clue what he was given he didnt see the name of the medicine and XH didnt inform me DS had been given anything at all.

I think what has annoyed me more (as DS is fine) is the casual attitude, what would she give the other dc age 2 and 6 as a suitable medicine IYSWIM.

Goblin, will be keeping a note of it too.

YABU... it's cough mixture, not max-strength painkillers. And there's very little practical difference between a nine year old and a 12 year old. It would have been worse to let your son cough his guts up all night.

Suggest they get a stock in of some age-appropriate meds for another time but don't let jealousy cloud your judgement.

Was going to say the same thing as Chil.

My own DS was struck down by a cough, and I'd run out of children's medicine, so gave him some of mine, Lemon and Glycerine, so nothing with anything serious. I'd just look carefully at the dosing and give half dose if I was concerned over strength.

If your DS had a shocking cold, perhaps it'd have been a good idea to send a bottle of medicine with him. Why not get a box of those calpol sachets and make sure some are in the DC bag, just in case. Lidl do some good ones too.

You are letting your feelings about your XH girlfriend cloud this. If she were a complete cow, she'd have let them suffer.

She did a good thing, she cared for your child when he was sick, smooth those hackles down

Children have different systems to adults, medicines are licensed for certain ages so those of you who play pharmacist really shouldn't.
YANBU to expect your child to be given appropriate medical attention. Yes was only a cough, and yes no harm done, but it is the principle.
Send the medicine with him next time if you know he is ill. Not that you should have to, but it will ease your mind.

What does STBXH mean?

YANBU to be concerned but agree with accepting she was trying to help so I'd mention it but just casually and maybe suggest or buy suitable medicine to keep at XH house for the children.

Soon To Be Ex Husband

YANBU. Lots of people underestimate over the counter medicines - paracetamol in particular. I would speak to XH and maybe make up a pharmacist friend who was shocked and gave you a good telling off - that might take some of the heat out of the situation?

LittleMissHissyFangs - there is a big difference between a simple lemon and honey linctus and some of the over-the-counter cold medications, which can have paracetamol and decongestants in them that might well not be suitable for a 9 year old child.

The issue, if I understand it correctly, is that a child is not born with a liver that functions like an adult liver, so is not capable of dealing with and eliminating some drugs. By 12 years old, I believe that the liver is more mature and capable of coping with a wider range of drugs.

So giving a drug to a child whose liver is not mature enough to cope with it could have serious consequences, as the drug would not be properly excreted from the system.

I suspect that some of the guidelines are more cautions than they need to be - but when it comes to giving over-the-counter medication to children, I would prefer to be over cautious too - better to err on the side of safety.

Paracetamol is dispensed on size of the child not age. My DS was allowed to have adult paracetamol from the age of 10 (dose calculated by hospital) because he was a large 10 year old, also they were more worried about the dose he had over 24 hours rather than a single dose.

I'm sure you are right about paracetamol, but what about things like diphenhydramine or ephedrine - which are decongestants?

you are being unreasonable, hes 9 not 1.

Cough medicine is a waste of money usually, I wouldn't use med for over 12 on under 12 unless prescribed by a doctor who understands the constituents.

NordicPrincess - why do you think the pharmaceutical companies put age guidelines on their medicines, then? Some drugs are harmful for children under 12. Presumeably some of the drugs that constitute cough medicines (other than the simple linctuses) are not safe for younger children, otherwise the age restriction would not be on the bottle.

In general, I do not know enough about drugs to place my own judgement on whether a drug is safe for a child over that of the pharmaceutical scientists. Giving someone the wrong drug is dangerous and can have serious and lasting effects - and if I were in the OP's position, I wouldn't be happy about someone giving my child a drug that they were not old enough to take, unless that person happened to have the relevant qualifications either as a doctor or a pharmacist.

If you look at the Benylin range they have the same ingredients for the children's cough medicines as the adults, just half the strengh.
Think the OP needs to send medicine with the dcs if the may need it ie keep calpol, nurofen in the bag.

DS was also prescribed Flixenase when he was 10 which can only be sold over the counter for over 18s.

I'm a pharmacist. What she did was wrong -the dosages are not calculated and licensed randomly - they are based on data. Having said that, unless he took far more than he should have done, he is unlikely to come to any harm. Even if it did contain paracetamol, a single dose is unlkely to do him any harm if he had the usual adult dose.

YANBU to be concerned - I'd have a word to say could they check with you before giving him any meds, and you could perhaps soften this by saying that you are only asking because you may have given him something earlier in the day and don't want him double-dosed?

Without knowing what she gave him it' pretty difficult to assess whether or not yabu. My ds1 is 13, but still has under 12 calpol because he is so tiny for his age. It depends v much on whether what she gave him was simple linctus or something containing paracetamol.
I would try and see it as her trying to help a poorly child though, and perhaps not be too hard on her.

Doubledosed idea is a v good one. That will keep it friendly I'm sure. You shouldn't need to send him with a medkit as you're supposedly sending him to responsible adults.

Thanks for all your posts.

Am actually on good terms with XH so will have a friendly word about keeping me informed as to when and what meds he dishing out to them. One of the concerns is that if I dont know when they get home I could give them calpol/nurofen and they already been dosed up with it.

Calpol/nurofen are normally found in DD's nappy bag (2 next month so used to leaving meds in there in case of teething etc) and XH would know this or a quick phone call to myself would have alerted him to that.

Cant comment on if it was general cough/cold stuff or what as have no clue.

Will keep my cool with it though and try to think of it as helping my DS1 out.