About my friends boyfriend

[Mummasmurf]

In the summer my friend found out her live in (her house) boyfriend was having internet sex and sex texts with women he is in contact with through the internet.

I told her it was wrong, he was using her, abusing her generosity and to get shot of him.

He obviously sensed his vulnerability as in he's living in her house, feet under the table so to speak so he asked her to marry him. Stupidly she said yes.

Now 'they' want to come round to visit me and the family (I have a little girl) but I just think what he did was pervy, creepy and just not right. I don't want him anywhere near here.

I've told her I would just rather see her without him but now she's got the hump.

So the old question Is it me?

Yanbu- I wouldn't have the slimy prick in my house either!

Yes, YABU.

Sex texts and internet sex aren't the end of the world and are not pervy or creepy - it's just a sexual outlet. Lots of us wouldn't be happy with our partner doing this within a relationship, but that's your friends decision (and I think it sounds like you could be right, he could be using her, but that is up to her to sort out - you've told her your worries).

You are acting like he was looking at kiddie porn.

Is he still having the internet relationship

If not, I think it was up to your friend to decide on forgiveness or not ... not you

Well I don't think having internet porn "form" means he is likely to say or do anything suspect in your house. I hate it too (reason Ex is an ex!) but you have to be wary of losing your friend if you stick to this line. If you're not going to want to be around him ever, you may as well tell her now. If it's just that you don't want him in your home then I guess you have the right to exclude anyone you please, particularly if they make you feel uncomfortable. But don't expect her to like it.

Difficult one, I'll watch the MN views with interest.

I think YABU. It's her choice to be with him and you, as her friend, should support her decision.

I have a friend who's ex treated her like shit. She is now back with ex.. I keep finding reasons to avoid her (because she talks about him like he's a great guy an we both know differently) and completely avoid them as a couple.

I suspect I am being unreasonable but it is hard. You care about your friends and it is horrible to watch isnt it?

YABU to think it is "pervy" if he was talking to adult women (or men come to that!), and to think the fact that you have a little girl has anything to do with the situation.

Up to you if you don't like him, don't approve of his behaviour, don't want to spend time with him. But your friend is an adult, and is entitled to forgive him this lapse in behaviour if she wants to. And if you make her feel that you have more right to be annoyed at his behaviour than she does, you are likely to alienate her.

YANBU. The idea of someone who has had sex, being near a child makes my skin crawl. I have a blanket policy never to let anyone near my children if they have had sex ever in their lives. Sure, it was hard on the grandparents and their father and I at first. We initially brought in a team of nuns to look after them, but the Catholic angle was making me nervous. Now we have specially trained woodland creatures to do everything. Bluebirds brush their hair, squirrels do the laundry and a couple of hedgehogs make the packed lunches every evening. I'm hoping to recruit a stag at some point to take on the heavy work, but it's difficult finding one who has never been tempted to rut.

Although I have a genuine question for those who think you are being unreasonable.

When you have a friend who is a constant train wreck and you are the one always picking up the pieces, what is better?

a. ditch the friend.

b. let them suck you emotionally dry everytime one of the men involved uses them and tosses them away

c. tell them to "man" up and stop acting like a doormat?

PMSL Yuno .

YWYDLS - V good

Discowife - if you want to ask a completely different question - why not start a completely different thread.

Exactly Discowife, there is always some drama or other that I have to deal with.

I know its up to her to forgive or not but as someone succinctly put it, I don't want the slimy prick round here.

And PMSL at Yuno. :)

Yuno

My brother's bohemian bf is in a relationship with a dominatrix, livened up my brother's wedding no end and he's great with old ladies and kids.

If your friend hadn't told you, you wouldn't know any different and would welcome him over the door. Maybe other friends have sexual proclivities they haven't told you about that you would find more disturbing? And if you turn your back on your friend, she might be less inclined to confide and get support if, as you probably rightly suspect, he's a bit of a twat.

It's up to you who spends time with your dd and you should trust your instinct. And maybe there is something a bit odd about this kind of very objectified sex with a body over the Internet rather than a real person? And with the sudden desperate proposal too?

So YANBU but your friend won't see it that way.

Well his first marriage broke down when she found out he was cheating so maybe a bit of a pattern.

To be honest I've never liked him, I always thought he was full of himself, and she once said to me 'I know he's not the one but he'll do for now'. I said to hubby then that I didn't like him but even he deserved better than that. So I don't think I'm on a 'I never liked him anyway' bandwagon.

Umm - he's not my ex husband is he - sounds just like him and I left him when I found out he was having an affair If it is him - he's just over sexed and will be fine with your kids - if not I couldn't comment!

Well if you don't like him and she's going to marry him, your relationship with her is probably as good as over.

At least, I've never managed to stay friends with anyone whose partner I have serious issues with.