To think that a lot off parrents expect to much from new born babies

[MigGril]

Ok I maybe am but need a rant. I'm not sure if it's the presure off modern socialty or all those smug parenting book's that do it. But why have I found recently that some parents seem to expect far to much from a new born baby (and I'm not just takling first time mums' hear)

In realtion to sleeping, (i.e they shouldn't be waking every 2hours during the night, ok some don't but a lot do) and more recently a new one I've discovered from seconed time mum's that they worry to much about first one not getting as much attension as they did before. Surrly that's par for the couse as you now have two, so will have to split your time between two rather then spend all of it with the older one.

I think me being has something to do with me being 40+5 with no2, and having had a really bad sleeper first time round my expectations are very low.

I should not have read beyond the title. It is my own fault for clicking.

OP please take a bit more care when you are writing. This is almost complete gibberish.

Sorry FD, it's the middle of the night and I'll admit I'm dyslexic and should probably use a spell checker more offten.

Apology accepted MG!

Now go and get some rest .

Yes but knowing these things & being able to cope with them are 2 different things. No matter how much I know babies are meant to wake and feed regularly doesn't make it any easier. And I know both dcs are going to suffer from lack of attention, doesn't make it easier when dd1 is having a meltdown or dd2 is yelling for a feed while I am trying to sort out dd1.

Some people probably do expect to much. The rest of us are just hoping for more than 3 hours sleep.

I think first time mums expect too much because it is often spouted in mags/media etc what a wonderful,life enhancing,magical time the birth of a new born is.I certainly didn't feel that way,LOL! Was completely exhausted.But then even if someone had told me what it was like,I think you have to experience it to get it.The reason people get so stressed about babies sleeping through is because mums are so tired! Good luck with number two-personally I found it much easier second time round.

FleurDelacour,I am at your first post! How very rude.I understood it perfectly.

Funnily enough, i was under the impression my ds1 was the perfect baby, even thought he cried constantly for the first 6 weeks or so, insisted on being held constantly.

Was not until ds2 came along i realised ds1 was hard work lol

I think your just sleepy and annoyed!

FleurDelacour - what kind of cowbag are you??!?! Good Lord

OP. Completely agree. Think professionals advise doesn;t particularly help. I understood your post perfectly so now lets continue the debate.....

Oh my goodness, just realised I have made typos, written incomplete sentences and [GASP} misplaced an apastophe!!!! CanI be sent back to bed "to go get some rest too" FleurDelacour ????

Imagine. People in the tinternet (some of whome are professionals, nay even teachers!!) not giving a flying shite about the quality of their Standard Written ENglish.

I mean init Gr8!!!

I agree with the sentiment of the OP.

Now wtf is an apastophe? Sounds like an Italian dish......

Also. Do you know your name means 'flower of the courst' What gibberish. I almost wished I hadn;t clicked on the babel fish translate button.

Um! FleurDelacour DID apologize.

I think a bigger problem is that many new parents have no first-hand experience of looking after very small children. When I was growing up there were lots of big families around and there was always someone with a baby you could fuss over and help with nappy-changes ets. You knew they squawked the place down all night!

The other change for the worse I think is that grandmothers have been sidelined by so much new thinking on 'the right way to raise a child'. My mum was terrific when my son was born and gave me lots of useful reassurance. But now we're encouraged to talk to the HV, read books & magazines, go to the NCT classes and pretty dismiss the older generation's advice as being out of touch or even downright dangerous. I think that's a big shame.

It is a italian dish - made with pasta, prawns and oregano.

Flower of the court. Oh No. My terrible English.

Now my husband is correcting my ENglish oer my shoulder. Fuck off all of you.

Thread too fucking annoying for me

See ya. Good luck with the kids OP>

Hmmm sorry but fleur delacour did not apologise. She accepted OP's apology. Then patronisingly told her to go get some rest (becasu that cures dyslexia....)

Sorry about above message. It was making me cross and then my DH was annoying me also. Apologies.

Agree mumblecrumble. Mig - your post was not gibberish at all, it made perfect sense. Fleur, you owe her an apology. Or are you off chastising someone with arthritis for not standing up straight?

I agree people do expect far too much from newborn babies. I listened to far too many people telling me I had to put DD down when she was just a couple of weeks old "or she'll get used to it". But then I went with my instincts and felt guilty.

With regard to your second... I'm no expert as I've only got the one, but I did notice when DD was small she was very, very easy when I was visiting my sister as she was agog watching every move my nephews made. Babies are fascinated by slightly older children. I imagine it's a developmental thing, a real positive for younger children which makes up for not getting the one-on-one older children get, and a lifesaver for mums with more than one...

Thanks needafootmassage, you have engaged my sentiment sin a much more polite way. I was just very very riled.

I do think expectations of a new born are very strnage as surely they are all a bit different any way....

OP. Are you still around?

I dont think parents expect it, I think they want it and are willing enough to try little tricks and tweak routines in order to get it.

An onlooker listening to my husband and I discussing "strategy" when we had our newborns would have tutted and shook their heads thinking we had unrealistic expectations. All we were doing was trying to maximise our chances of getting a decent block of unbroken sleep.

It was just strategy stuff over when to put the baby down for their "long stint" and whether to try and rouse them to feed, that kind of thing.

And it worked. We didn't "expect" it to work, but it did work, and helped ease us into normality faster than if we'd just gone completely with the flow.

God there was nothing more annoying that hearing MIL saying "well that's what babies do" etc - shut up, we're not talking to you, we are talking to each other, and its not you who has to get by on 2 hours sleep you smug, patronising cow! Actually I think I was paraphrasing then...it came out more along the lines of "thanks for that" followed by a close up view of the back of my head as I resumed my conversation with my husband...

Oooh needafootmassage this place is FULL of them too! I had a little go at someone the on here the other day for being totally snidey about an OP who had no grasp of grammar or spelling.

It's so MEAN! Not everyone can write perfectly...nor should they have to! I write for a living and my spelling and grammar on here is shocking but I take a perverse pleasure in making errors....knowing some know-it-all will come along and be all arsey about it.

As for the OP's thoughts on parents epecting too much of new babies I could not agree more but think a lot of it comes from most Mums going back to work quite quickly which adds a real strain to the process.

My best mate just had her first baby aged 38...she went back to work when the baby was 6 months and to see her stressing about night time waking was sad. She expects this baby to sleep all night every night and to manage on three meals and 2 bottles....if he wants more she gets and thinks he is being unreasonable!

I tried to gently let her know that they chop and change and that it is perfectly reasonable for a (massive) healthy baby to want more than 2 bottles per day in addition to 3 meals but she is having none of it.
She sat up with the baby for 3 hours the other night trying to get him to sleep at 3.00am when a bottle would have done the trick.

mumblecrumble you're right. I think I was just flitting through and was a bit dyslexic with my reading.

I understood OP perfectly. Fleur please take a bit more consideration when talking to posters, fair enough if there was actually a problem but erm... no your just being picky!

MigGril- From my experience it's more first time mums who have expectations because of shite being spouted throughout the media and so called advice books given to you by HV don't help. I remember being puzzled when I read that babies should be sleeping through by 12-16 weeks, maybe some yes but not many will actually do this and as a first time mum I was quite worried. Then again my DS did'nt sleep through until 3.6YO you just deal with what you get.

Same goes for how much a baby should be eating and how often, these are not things you can judge. In that respect I was lucky my DS got himself into 3/4 hourly feeds by the time he was about 12 weeks but that fitted in with us.

Oh and Congratulations, and hope he/she comes along soon :o

I agree with the OP. It's probably not helped by all smug parents who say that their DCs sleep through from 2 days (yes I'm exaggerating but you know what I mean) and expect their baby to sleep 7 til 7 from a few weeks. A handful may do but the vast majority don't sleep anything like that until they are much much older and many DC still wake at last once a night until around 2-3.