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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go and collect my dh?

50 replies

ohdeargreeneyedmonster · 22/10/2010 23:12

My dh is over at his mate's house for a cards game.

I'm meant to be picking him up as he's had a couple of drinks.

But when I called him just now, a woman who I know has a huge crush on him (sits with her hand on his thigh in my own house!!!) calls out 'if she comes i'll have to get off his lap'.

Now I'm of the attitude I really can't be bothered to go and get you, make your own way home with her if you want, I'm going to stay on MN and then go to bed!

OP posts:

saffy85 · 23/10/2010 07:42

Ialways feel a bit sorry for women like this, who chat up DHs and DPs of other women. Don't they realise how desperate they seem? [hhmm]

Original poster

ohdeargreeneyedmonster · 23/10/2010 07:47

I'll give this woman points for determination she's been trying for over 20 years.

But as with all OW, my frustration is directed at the bloke. Stop revelling in the attention that you hadn't 'realised' you were receiving, and tell her to back off!

OP posts:

saffy85 · 23/10/2010 07:55

[hshock] at 20 years! So sad lol. My dp was like this for about a year with a "friend" of mine.

"She's so sweet babe. Can't believe she doesn't have a man!" Ofcourse she doesn't have a man you idiot. No self respecting man would touch her with a barge pole when she's talking about you 24/7!

She was worse though "aww XXXXX(DP) is so sweet! he always puts kisses at the end of his texts!" and "watch out saffy, if you're not careful someone might come along and take him off you!"

We're not mates anymore.....

Original poster

ohdeargreeneyedmonster · 23/10/2010 08:08

We (kids and I) do not feature on this woman's radar at all.

She'll never talk directly to me. Hence 'if she comes' she'd never acknowledge me.

At Christmas, for example, dh is godfather to her son (of course I'm not a godparent to her child!!!) so she'll ask for whatever gift, and I'll buy it, and in the days before I effectively banned her from coming here, she'd come round, with numerous gifts for my dh, make a big show of showering him in gifts, completely ignore our dc.

Fortunately she's never been my friend, she actually met my dh through her exH who was a colleague of my dh.

OP posts:

Suda · 23/10/2010 08:32

I had this with my now DH - his previous relationship was quite casual - didnt live together and didnt have dates as such - just apparently used to stagger home together if happened to meet out socially.

I can tell from her behaviou that she wanted to be much more serious and still has it bad for my DH but like a few posters have said men are clueless and I'm sure he doesnt see this.

So we been together 5yrs now - married 1yr - and from beginning - every single time she has encountered us out she has practically mounted my DH - you know that screechy lunge at someone that some women do when not seen someone for ages - throwing her arms round his neck kissing him etc etc - ( and very telling IMO } - completely blanking me. DH just laughs it off.

I just think you sad desperate bitch - and ignore. If I were in her shoes I would never let a mans next partner know she's got the man I want. She's showing herself up IMO. I never give her a result or satisfaction of a reaction. The best snub to women like this is to let them know your relationship is unshakeable and you are not threatened one iota and ignoring is best way to demonstrate both IMO.

Just like OPs DH could have no doubt married this cling-on - my DH could have lived with and married this woman if he'd wanted but he chose me.

When we're alone though I do say to DH - not in a jealous way - that I think she's pathetic and rude and he should be more assertive when she does this and punch her in the face say 'Do you mind ?' or something. Agree it is down to person getting unwanted attention to deal with it.

saffy85 · 23/10/2010 08:48

Totally agree with you Suda. Still would have liked my boyfriend to tell my "friend" to back off though. Think it was what the sad mare needed. He didn't but when I cut her out AFAIK he stopped contacting her too.

Suda · 23/10/2010 08:49

Just going off point a bit but does anyone else on here think that certain women (and men even) make a beeline for attached spouses/partners. Its almost as if they like the challenge or maybe its a power trip - I'm better than any wife/girlfriend etc and am gonna prove it by 'taking' him .

My DH often comments how his popularity with women is at an all time high since we got married and Ive noticed same.
Maybe we just give off less desperate positive vibes or something?

saffy85 · 23/10/2010 08:55

"Dontcha wish your girlfriend was sad like me? Dontcha wish your girlfriend was a desperate freak like me? Dontcha?"

I'm paraphrasing obviously but isn't that the gist of that "song"? I think some people do get a kick out of this sort of thing. I wouldn't have the balls personally.

Suda · 23/10/2010 08:57

Whats AFAIK Saff ?

'Ive noticed same..' - with other men I meant to say. [hhmm]

Suda · 23/10/2010 09:07

Yeah Saffy - that song sums it up really - wannabee home wreckers anthem really.

I wouldnt have balls either unless it was Gabriel Byrne in that priest thing phwoarrr - never.

saffy85 · 23/10/2010 09:07

AFAIK= As far as I know DP hasn't seen/spoken to her in aleast 3 years. Apart from in town when he clocked her and said "omg is that B? She looks rough!" [hhmm] is it wrong that I was quite pleased abou that?

GeekOfTheWeek · 23/10/2010 09:08

I would be furious with what you described.

How disrespectful of her and your dh.

saffy85 · 23/10/2010 09:10

Totally geek but I personally wouldn't let OW know I was furious coz thats just what she wants.

pootros · 23/10/2010 09:17

There's some fabulous advice on here. I reckon Escorchio's is definitely the most dignified and I'd try& do that myself, but I think showing the OP up publically as a try hard is the funniest though. Can't BEAR women like that!

Suda · 23/10/2010 09:22

STIGMATA - he was in - ooh somebody stop me - sorry in advance Mrs Byrne [hgrin].

Please note - Suda will not be available to get any sense out of for at least half an hour.

clam · 23/10/2010 09:23

If I were you, I would be wanting my DH to show loyalty to me, pissed at a card game or not, by distancing himself from this woman completely. To go along with it, downplay it and pretend he hasn't heard her pointed comments is disprespecting you and his relationship with you. Particularly when he knows you have a problem with her.

What was she doing there, anyway? Thought it was meant to be just cards with his mate?

Original poster

ohdeargreeneyedmonster · 23/10/2010 13:02

I haven't asked yet Clam as don't know how to word it without seeming jealous, but he wouldn't read the signal anyway.

There was about 9 blokes there. But I know the woman is friends with the bloke's wife who's hosting it so she may of been there to keep her company.

There is history with this bloke and his wife though, that makes it awkward. Before dh and I met the bloke dropped his trousers in my kitchen one day and told me that I was what he was waiting for. I told him a) he was married and b) he wasn't for me. He took the rejection well, and no more was said about it. But they were the ones who introduced my dh and I, not expecting dh and I to hit it off, and most certainly not marry etc. She's offended by me because I was interested in dh but not her husband (i.e. what's wrong with her husband?!?!?) and he's offended by me because I was interested in dh and not him (i.e. what's wrong with him?!?!?) Hence why I leave dh to go over on his own!!! But it also means I can't see either the host or his wife dissuading the other woman!!!

OP posts:

clam · 23/10/2010 13:42

They sound like some friends to lose.

saffy85 · 23/10/2010 13:48

They sound just lovely [hhmm]

Get rid of them. seriously. they sound like freaks.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/10/2010 14:01

RoobyMurray

Lets hope that your DP feels the same way the next time you go out

ScaryFucker · 23/10/2010 14:05

what a tangled web you weave ..

are all your friends into wife-swapping or summat ?

and you haven't picked up on the vibe ?

all a bit too "friendly" and interbred innit [hgrin]

Original poster

ohdeargreeneyedmonster · 23/10/2010 15:14

Not my friends - dh, but he's so bloody ignorant to it that's what drives me mad. It gives my RL friends and I great entertainment value, but he says I'm making it up, that they are not into more and they are all just good friends. Too good I say!!!

Oh they all go on holiday together and 'save money' by sharing a room. He wonders why we don't go with them!!!

OP posts:

clam · 23/10/2010 17:02

What? Your DH goes away on holiday with these people and shares a room???

Are you serious?

Original poster

ohdeargreeneyedmonster · 23/10/2010 17:05

No No No The others go on holiday and share rooms together and they want us to go. DH does not believe any swinging will/does take place whilst they are aware.

I'm not willing to be proven right so he and I don't go away with them.

OP posts:

RoobyMurray · 23/10/2010 20:16

Boney, don't worry, I'm an adult and can make my own way home.

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