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To wish DH had NEVER made this film

28 replies

YouGirl · 22/10/2010 20:06

I have namechanged for this...too embarrasing. When I first got pregnant with our older DC, we had no cash...DH was in a crappy job ..his real job is acting. Not long after I got up the duff...he was offered a film role. Well paid but crap movie....low budget.

It was far from pornographic...though it did have a lot of sex and violence in it. At the time I never even looked at the script and DH just went off and made the film...it was done in another part of the country.

It opened in Cannes and went straight to DVD....it was BAD. The plot was awful and the acting not much better...direction bad, cinematography bad...we watched it though I never watched the sex scenes..only a tiny bit... I laughed at the time...and we were grateful for the money...

I didn't watch much of DH's rude scenes...they were to cringey. As an actor myself I have no problem at all with a bit of sexy stuff in a play or film but find it better to not actually stare at the action...anyway...fast forward...elder DC is now in primary and today I heard the name of the guy who directed DH in this film and googled it just to see what came up...LOADS of reviews of how mysoginistic is is...how offensive to women and crap...we have 3 daughters!

I am devestated that they may one day come across this film...and see Daddy in awful scenes...his name and pic are there on lots of sites as part of the cast list...what do I say when the day comes? Or do you think I need to warn them one day when they're older? A kind of "Daddy made a bad film" talk?

OP posts:
PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 22/10/2010 20:08

No, don't warn them, it's highly unlikely that they will ever find out.

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YouGirl · 22/10/2010 20:15

But how will the net be used in the future? I have to say...if I was 13 and the net had been around for 15 or so years...then I would look up my Mum and Dad...won't it be their generations version of looking in Mum and Dad's cupboards?

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DirtyMartiniOfDoom · 22/10/2010 20:16

Don't actually warn them in a sitting-down-to-warn-them way. (I disagree that it is unlikely they will find out, though. One day they will Google, or the equivalent.)

No doubt you will have general conversations about Daddy's work, film roles etc, in the future as they grow. When this happens you can, in a relaxed way, explain that of course, sometimes when you're an actor you take a job and it doesn't turn out to be a very good film, but that's just how it goes, because it takes lots and lots of people to make a film and sometimes they don't all do a very good job.

When they are a bit older still, you can just say frankly that obviously Daddy took the role in hopes it would be good, but mainly because he was earning a living to support his family. Nothing wrong with saying you and he both feel the film was a bit dodgy in the end. It's not like it's his fault, and it's certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

TubbyDuffs · 22/10/2010 20:17

Ha ha, think I'd be name changing in real life!

Hassled · 22/10/2010 20:18

At some point they may well Google their father's name. Is the film on the first page of hits? Is his name quite common?

I don't think you need to do anything at the moment - when they're teenagers maybe your DH needs to have a talk with them re things you do that you later regret (we all have them) and bring the film up that way. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

DirtyMartiniOfDoom · 22/10/2010 20:18

Just to refine my last post ... I do think it'll be an interesting opportunity to talk to them about misogyny in film etc and about how women and girls are represented (if they are interested), and just about the job of acting in general. It could be really positive, need not be a conversation to dread.

The only way it's a problem is if you act like your DH has done a bad thing by being in this film -- which he has not.

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YouGirl · 22/10/2010 20:19

Well DirtyMartini....is it REALLY nothingto be ashamed of? It was pretty odious when I think about it...he had read the bloody script and still chose to make it...now it's out there for ever!

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Eleison · 22/10/2010 20:20

DirtyMartiniOfDoom's posts seem like really good advice.

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YouGirl · 22/10/2010 20:21

I will just tell them when they are old enough to NEVER watch it...you will be scarred for life! Daddy "doing it" Oh my God!

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DirtyMartiniOfDoom · 22/10/2010 20:22

It is really nothing to be ashamed of.

There are times when work is work and actors can't afford to be super-choosy. Happens to the best of 'em.

Caligula was a pile o'shite but nobody blames Helen Mirren :)

POFAKKEDDthechair · 22/10/2010 20:23

I think most actors have skeletons in their career closet - I mean it is so hard to make a living you often have to take stuff you'd rather not. He did it to for the money, for the family, I mean it would be great to be able to stick to one's ideals but it is hard when you have to make a living [ruling out porn obviously!]

At least it may make your children think twice about becoming actors Grin

DirtyMartiniOfDoom · 22/10/2010 20:23

Yeah, I don't expect they will actually want to watch it anyway.

They need to be ready though, in case someone in high school watches it and teases them about it.

naghoul · 22/10/2010 20:24

I think they will find out when they are older. I think it's probably a good idea to drip feed the notion that sometimes actors have to make some crap to pay the bills. Do it in a non specific way so they'll be ready if they happen across it. I don't think it will be until they are much older, as kids are self obsessed, won't be interested in mum and dad till way later!

POFAKKEDDthechair · 22/10/2010 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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YouGirl · 22/10/2010 20:29

Good point about Helen Mirren! And reams of other actors and their crap films! I think it was the sexist point that bothered me...reading all these reviews got to me.

Feel slighty better about it. My own fault really...how impractical of me to fall for a 2 bit actor!

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ArseFeckDrink · 22/10/2010 20:36

I couldn't possibly comment without you telling us which shite artistic film he was in! Grin

pancakeisuptheduff · 22/10/2010 20:36

What does your dh think about it now and the possibility your dds may come across it? Surely if there's ever explaining to be done he should be the one to do it, since he made the film!

Georgimama · 22/10/2010 20:42

Is your husband Alex Reid?

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YouGirl · 22/10/2010 21:28

ArseFeckDrink It was not even pretending to be artistic! And I won't tell you either!

Georginamama...No...and I'm not Katy Price...but in terms of shite films, Mr Reids and my DH's about match I'm afraid.

Pancakes...I just spoke to him about itand he went off on one...a complete paranoid rant...he feels worse than I do about it! I ended up comforting him!

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pancakeisuptheduff · 22/10/2010 21:31

Oh no! On second thought, maybe you'd better be the one to have the Talk with them if it ever comes up.

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YouGirl · 22/10/2010 21:34

I hope that some...I don't know...some THING is invented by then where you can delete ALL references to yourself online!

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Georgimama · 23/10/2010 11:07

I think the suggestions made up thread are the only answer. Sometimes we do things which seem like a good idea at the time and aren't. Sometimes adults have to take work they aren't particularly proud of to make ends meet. A lesson your children will have to learn too.

KatieScarlett2833 · 23/10/2010 11:16

What would Madonna do?

She has made some very questionable career moves over the decades, and has DC's. Do you think she cares? Do you think Lourdes thinks her mama is a ho' because of "A certain sacrifice?".

Chill, your kids will be fine (and will secretly love having something to unmercifully tease dad over in their teenage years).He has provided them with years of pleasure and amusement, even more than an X-Box.

KatieScarlett2833 · 24/10/2010 01:23

Are you feeling better, yet?

Mummy2Bookie · 24/10/2010 07:53

Have I seen this movie? Sounds a bit ( distantly) familiar