to want hardly any of my dcs' friends in my house?

[cobweb99]

...or am I just turning into Victor Meldrew in my old age?

I'm not a killjoy. I like fun. But I feel like the older I get the less I can cope with small kids, particularly other peoples'. My older 2 dcs - 7 and 9 - well I can handle their friends in the house to an extent although I need to be psyched up a bit first. They are mostly "well-trained" and listen to me and don't trash stuff.

But my youngest's friends, OMG. I don't know if it's the age (4 almost 5) or if we've managed to make friends with the naughtiest children in the area, but every time one of them comes over (often with the mum), stuff is broken, they are rude to me, they go in my bedroom and in cupboards and there is food and spilt drinks all over the house.

This is despite me trying to enforce my house rules of food only at the table, don't go in certain rooms etc, never an easy task with the other mum present. I'm getting a bit of a wicked witch reputation, it has been half-jokingly mentioned.

Have I just gone over the hill as far as little ones are concerned? Or should playdates really not be this much hassle?

I don't think it should be this bad! What is the other mum doing in all this? When playdates get, er, out of hand here the other mother (if present) is usually more severe than I am.

I have had to learn the hard way which rules to make. And I no longer smile and suggest my rules tentatively - it's all imperatives.

I often put some rooms off limits and sometimes restrict food and drink. Wht exaclty do you do if they disobey - is it one friend in particular?

I do find some combinations can get overwhelming (noise and chaos overload) - and I try to keep those to a minimum.

You should always enforce your rules no matter WHO is present.

sometimes some children are overly naughty and unfortunately their parents dont always see it or do anything about it!

I'm the same as you and cannot tolerate the naughty kids. A friends DS strangled my DS and sat on him so he couldnt breathe and when he came to tell me (friend was there too) he was sobbing and face was so red (he never cries!) My friend said oh your DS is just a bit over sensitive! I refuse to have him over now!

You stick with your rules and it is your house and you do deserve some peace and quiet!

No YANBU...my DC is 6 and for the last 2 years I have DREADED having her mates over...they are unfailingly little sods who scribble on walls and bedding, spill drinks, whine for sweets constantly....as a child of tis age I would NEVER have asked a friends Mum for sweets!

They seem to have no manners and no idea that when you are a guest, you don't just behave as you do at home!

I can't fathom it...they're all from "nice" families...but they are usually brats!

I am a bit of a wicked witch as well.
ds is 8 and one friend of his pisses me off cos he NEVER stops talking ever

the other one that's always here likes to do elaborate games that involves glue/string and stcks and general mess that he just leaves lying around ,and always always gets ds to ask for food

they always play in our house though so I can't be that bad

wish they'd piss off tho

No it is really bad, it's 2 friends in particular, well, their dcs. They are very "laid back" to put it politely. I have occasionally gone beyond the nicey nicey manner with their little ones and the mums have never seemed to take offence, but like I said, I've had half-jokey comments about me being overly strict.

The kind of things they have done in my house - found some big bottles of bubble mixture in the back of one of the kitchen cupboards and poured it on the floor, taken my home-made biscuits and thrown them around the garden, gone into my older ds' room and eaten some sweets he had in his drawer....

I made them clean up/threw them out of the room, and the mums sort of helped but were also laughing about the incidents as if I'm really retentive or something. It's not like they are babies, I would have thought by age 5 you can leave them to play for a while.

I see it when we go to their houses too and then it works the other way - I come across as the nasty mummy making my dcs stay at the table and clean up mess etc while the others run riot.

I'm starting to think I can only see these friends without dcs present.

YANBU.
My DC's friends get one chance and then they are either on the 'welcome' list or the 'never again' list.

Off to write my list....

They sound a nightmare. Don;t have them over, stop putting yourself through the stress. It's your house.

YANBU. TBH I can't (and I'm sorry its swearing) fucking stand it. Thats why I seldom have friends over. And never 'the cousins' - this is at the insistance of dh (who's side of the family they are on). Absolute nightmare. It drives me insane when the parents/carers don't give a damn and in some cases can find it quite funny

That should read dd's friends - not mine/dh.

Blimey they sound awful!

I'd be mortified if one of my DCs had ever done anything like that. I'd be still apologising five years later.

Parents are rude too.

Absolutely YANBU.

OK good to know it's not me - have been feeling pressure to chill out recently. My dcs are far from perfect but if I thought they were that bad I'd be watching them like a hawk in other people's houses.