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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my DS that Father Christmas only visits good children?

27 replies

TeaCrawledOutFromUnderRocks · 22/10/2010 10:03

Actually DS is still a bit young to truly 'get' the concept of Father Christmas, but I was intending on telling him that Father Christmas brings presents to boys and girls who have been good during the year.

However, a friend of mine doesn't like this at all and says it's not a nice thing to say because there are plenty of children in the world who are nice and won't get any presents.

Neither of us got annoyed about it, but I've never heard this point of view before so it did interest me.

So, AIBU or is she?!

OP posts:
travellingwilbury · 22/10/2010 10:05

I think most of us say it but in reality he will soon learn that even if he is a pita he will still get gifts . Unless of course you are willing to follow through and cancel christmas if he is naughty .

lissieloucifer · 22/10/2010 10:07

I change my stepdad's name in my mobile to Father Christmas about now, and get regular calls from the man himself. I also call him when ds is being vile difficult. works like a charm!

cory · 22/10/2010 10:10

Well I think YABU. Unless you do it as a joke.

I do not think it is conducive to either discipline or wellbeing to have a child constantly worrying about whether he has been Good or not. He could get really upset about it if he knows he has misbehaved. Ime children who worry a lot about whether they are good, often end up behaving very badly.

Nor do you want him to think he is better than children who do not get presents at Christmas. By the time he gets to playgroup, he may well have friends who are Muslims or Jehovah's Witnesses- so you would have to be prepared to deal with the fallout of him telling his friend that "My Mummy says if you don't get Christmas present you're not Good- so I'm good and you're not."

And if you do threaten with no Father Christmas and then FC ends up coming anyway (because you can't bear to spoil your Christmas, or because you are under pressure from friends and family to deliver the presents they have carefully selected), then you have weakened yourself as a disciplinary force: only ever use threats that can be carried out.

ArseFeckDrink · 22/10/2010 10:11

I see your friend's point, but he is unlikely to understand that many children in the world don't get anything for Christmas due to poverty for quite a while if he is still young? Maybe explain the other side to him after Father Christmas isn't realy an issue anymore? Just so you can keep that little bit of emotional blackmail christmas magic going for a while!

SarahStratton · 22/10/2010 10:15

I read a lovely trick a few years ago - if you send a text to a landline a slightly robotic male voice reads it out. So for a few blissful years DD2 regularly recieved a phone call from Father Christmas on Christmas Eve. Obviously he was asking to speak to me and I just played along with it, but omg the peace and quiet this gained me was brilliant, even if it was only for a few blissful years

Original poster
TeaCrawledOutFromUnderRocks · 22/10/2010 10:16

I understand the arguments against the emotional blackmail/bribery side of it - although this wasn't part of my friend's argument as she was talking only about children in poverty.

Cory - that's a very good point about children in other religions. I hadn't thought about it from that perspective. I was thinking only of children in other countries that DS wouldn't come into contact with, but of course you're right about that.

OP posts:
Original poster
TeaCrawledOutFromUnderRocks · 22/10/2010 10:18

Sarah, that sounds great. Will have to look that up!

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 22/10/2010 10:21

I think it's possible to overthink, and overplay, the Father Christmas thing.

electra · 22/10/2010 10:24

YABU - I hate the Father Christmas lie anyway

Biscuit
ben5 · 22/10/2010 10:26

we have tinker bell in our house. she is a magic fairy that appears around oct/nov/dec time. she will report good and bad behavior to father christmas. if you listen really carefully you can sometimes hear her sing! as shes so small she can fit in many areas.
i remember my mum telling us about tinker bell and we would be good(for the 5 minutes she needed us to be!). i have carried on this tradition with my 2 ds. it's a shame as ds1 will prob this time next year not believeSad

Onetoomanycornettos · 22/10/2010 10:33

I wouldn't lay the good/bad children thing on with a trowel, let's face it, Father Christmas will be visiting even if they have been little shits. So, I personally wouldn't hold this threat over them. However, on Christmas Eve itself, it's obvious that Father Christmas can only deliver to children who go to bed and to sleep when they are told, so I don't think it's outrageous in that context.

ItWasADarkAndStormyNight · 22/10/2010 10:39

My mum used to wrap up coal as I'd been 'bad'. One year I got some polly pocket princess house thing and she put coal in each one of the rooms. I got hysterical about it as I was only small, stayed with me so I won't be doing any of the only 'good' children get presents.
The points about other religions is a good one.

ApocalypseCheese · 22/10/2010 10:44

It absolutely was NOT me who got the guy on the customer service desk in Asda to put on a santa voice and boom a warning directly at my dd over the tannoy (who was having a strop at the time) complete with full name, age and address. Oh no, not me. Blush

SuePurblybilt · 22/10/2010 10:44

That's horrible Itwasa, just horrible Sad

I am telling DD, who is coming into my bed far too much, that once the Advent calendar is up and running, she has to stay in her own bed. It is backed up beautifully by lots of Christmas books and films of children tucked up in their own beds and she believes that FC won't deliver if you don't stay in your own bed. She brought it up last year and I'm not going to argue - it's not so different from a reward chart.

But I see it more as something to talk about and a reason for trying: not a threat or something to hold over her. I'm not going to go into it giving her get-out clauses but if she has a wobble I will make it clear that FC considers trying as good behaviour and will still deliver.

KurriKurri · 22/10/2010 10:45

I wouldn't do it personally. Mainly because I think that 'being good' is abstract, undefined and wide ranging, - far to unspecific and difficult to achieve for a four year old.

Also I don't like long term/future based punishments for little ones, - they can't grasp the concept of being punished at a future date for something they've done now. Immediate consequences for naughtiness, then back to normal is my preference.

Also they need to know you are upset with their behaviour - don't pass the buck to poor old SantaGrin

Hedgeblunder · 22/10/2010 10:45

Yanbu- I fully intend to do that with my dc! I'm one of four and when my mum phoned father Christmas the house used to be quiet for hours.
I do think it stops bad behaviour in it's tracks!

ben5 · 22/10/2010 10:48

apocalypseCheese that is so funny!!

TiggyD · 22/10/2010 10:54

And why does Santa give expensive presents to rich kids and cheap ones to poor kids?

2shoeprintsintheblood · 22/10/2010 11:03

yabu
but then as he isn't real, who cares really

PaisleyPumpkin · 22/10/2010 11:14

I've never told my DD that he only visits good children, but I think she thinks that's the case anyway.
The christmas thing sort of snowballs out of your own hands as other adults/children/films/songs etc all say stuff that the DCs take in.
A TA last year told the class she would be phoning FC if their behaviour was bad Hmm
and there's that "he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake" in one of the songs, etc etc.

I have told my DD that the tooth fairy likes to have teeth which have been looked after though.

cloudpuff · 22/10/2010 11:23

I have not used this on my dd, mainly because others in the family shout it at their kids when they are being monsters, and then get everything plus more on the day. I've also heard people threaten that santa will come and take it all back if they dont behave.

ArseFeckDrink · 22/10/2010 11:26

I was making a joke about emotional blackmail. I think its a bloody good idea..and has worked for many generations... so enjoy it while it lasts Grin

SeaTrek · 22/10/2010 11:42

I taught my son that father christmas was the concept of recieving presents at Christmas. He knows full well that everyone was bought and paid for by specific people. He still loves talking about santa and gets excited by all the hype but he doesn't believe that he is an actual real man who goes round giving very fortunate children lots of presents but leaves out those who are starving or in real need.

Anyway, I have been know to threaten that santa won't be pleased if he isn't a good boy BUT he knows that 'santa' is us.

mrsoliverramsay · 22/10/2010 12:39

I can't wait until my son really starts to understand Santa.
If he starts playing up I will get the phone and tell him I am going to phone Santa if he doesn't stop.

Life will be so much easier

Original poster
TeaCrawledOutFromUnderRocks · 22/10/2010 12:50

ArseFeckDrink - sorry, I knew that! Smile I was just trying to say that the argument against telling children to be good for FC because they don't like the bribery is different to the argument against it because children living in poverty don't get presents anyway.

I was particularly interested in people's thoughts on the latter argument, but people's comments on the first have been interesting, too.

Personally, although I don't intend to go on about it too much, I'm all for a bit of bribery - even if it's only on Christmas Eve!! Well, this particular piece of bribery anyway! [hwink]

OP posts:
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