Trying to stop myself calling him all the names under the sun.

[AgnesBrown]

No you are not- and my DH does this all the time.

Hmm, I would have expected a late one, I would have been unable to wait (I would have expected 9pm at earliest) and would have ordered in my own curry. Lesson learnt for next time.
Don't know situation, but if it is going to affect your mood, shouldn't you tell dp you are up the duff?

Its really not a good time to tell him right now

I think I would have been in a mood over it regardless of that though.

I never mind him going out, I actually encourage him to spend time with his friends and family - all I ask is that if he knows he will be late that he takes his key.

I gave him the opportunity to tell me he was going to be home late so I could eat but noooo he insists I will be getting my curry soon. I hate thoughtlessness

OK, well I shall agree he is thoughtless. And you are probably starving! Bless!

a bit cold outside? get some food go to bed and take ages to hear the doorbell/phone (if it won't cause too much fall out re preg etc)can't you tell I've got one who does that sort of thing too?[hgrin]

YANBU. Regardless of the hormone situation, he should deliver on his curry promise. (When are you planning to tell him, btw?)

I called him about half 11 and told him I was going to bed and would leave a key out. He protested saying he'd be home soon, so I childless told him that I didn't care what he did and he could feed the curry to the dog for all I care

He eventually got home, no apology, he thought it was funny. He got told to bugger off and leave me alone. I did calmly explain that it was him being inconsiderate that bothered me but he was too busy giggling to care.

He is in bed asleep and i'm off out shopping with my friend this morning.

(I'm going to tell him after 12 weeks)

Feel rotten for you, and early pg hunger! Why are you waiting to tell him? Understand other people before 12 weeks, but the father?Is there more to this?
Hope you enjoy your shopping tho'

Forever worried about dog welfare, I just hope that your DP didn't feed the curry to the dog! :o

Agnes, congratulations. I'd have clobbered him with the rolling pin if I'd have been left to wait for my dinner for that long... and I'm not pregnant so have no excuse!

He got off lightly!

Yeah loads more He will leave me as soon as he finds out and I am working to get money into my account etc and stuff so I am as sorted as possible when he leaves... a whole other thread.

On the plus side I spent all night thinking I was going to throw up so probably for the best that I didn't have curry at all!!

What the...? Why will he leave you as soon as he knows? Is he a complete child?

Are you going to be OK? Is your family nearby?
Congratulations on the pregnancy nonetheless :)

Sorry Agnes,

But this is a serious partner and father of your future child? Or is the baby not his?

Do you not think you have a responsibility to let him know? It is the kind of thing that needs to be discussed by 2 people in a relationship.

Shrieking,

What a bizarre reaction. Here you have someone wanting to withhold really important information from her PARTNER with whom she shares a home and a life and you are asking whether HE is a complete child?

The OP needs to act responsibly and tell her partner. She thinks she knows how he will react but has no idea until she tells him.

hmmm good point, but I was going on the fact he kept promising to be home with food he was bringing her, then letting her down. That coupled with her certainty he will leave as soon as he knows there's a baby on the way makes me think he is either very young or very immature.

No, hes not young. He has made his feelings very clear on children and babies and would make my life hell if he found out.

I know it seems bizarre and decitful and it is I guess but I truly believe I am doing the best thing. I am trying to protect myself and my baby, I can't say to much as I am scared of being recognised but I know how he will react and its not worth it until I have the means to get away.

AgnesBrown A woman I know is with someone who was just like you describe your partner as. She had a miscarrage 3 years ago he was devastated and all of a sudden wanted children she has since had 3 more miscarrages but I saw her recently and they has a baby now men do change you know.

I'm sorry for what your friend has been through

My DP is abusive in other ways though. There was a thrad on here that was deleted, but with the support of that and me coming to my senses I have realised that I need to get away. I am just working on money and paperwork etc to get away safely.

Agnes please follow your instincts. You know this man, we don't. There's no harm in waiting and getting yourself more financially secure.

He sounds a nightmare...

Agnes, this seems very odd. You're asking if YABU to be cross when he didn't get home with a curry and are very blase when it comes to him leaving you when you tell him you are pregnant!?

gosh Agnes it does sound like things are very complicated for you. From the info you shared in your subsequent posts I'm amazed that you actually believed/trusted that he'd be home at a reasonable hour with food for you though. Why continue to feel you can rely on him?

Best of luck with your escape plan.

I think i'm putting it to the back of my mind and trying to focus on everyday life IYSWIM.

Things like last night he is normally reliable about, its his one and only good point.

He is not a nice person and I am doing the best I can.

you know your dp better than us, i really hope everything works out for the best for you, you are doing the right thing in looking out for you and your baby

congratulations btw :)

Agnes,

I am still confused. You are looking for an escape from an abusive partner, yet you got pregnant by him? How on earth did that happen? And you are sure you want the baby of this "not nice" man?

And, after your escape, how are you going to deal with him going forwards? He is the father and may want some part in his child's upbringing. Of course, maybe he won't and you are happy with that.

It does all sound strange, especially the way you seem perfectly able to confront hom over the curry "issue" but unable to deal with something far bigger.

His not bringing you a cold curry is certainly up there with the not mentioning he's going to be a father thing.

Bloody hell...

Well my options are,

Telling him I am pregnant and getting the shit kicked out of me and losing everything with no money etc to look after myself and no support.

or

waiting a few weeks until my new bank account is open and my money is going to an account only I can touch, and having a support network in place to help me having slowly worked out who I can trust to support me. Also my DC will be away visiting their father and out of the way of anything that may kick off.

I got pregnant accidentally, I have never missed a pill.