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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed by this woman?

23 replies

Gangle · 21/10/2010 22:52

Took DS2, just 7 months, to post natal yoga this morning. There was a new lady there with her baby about the same age as DS2. The baby can already sit and crawl. I noticed this last week as the lady was new to the group. This week we all went back to someone's house for coffee afterwards and the lady came up to me and said, how old is your DS? 5 months? She knew he wasn't as at the beginning of yoga we all go around and say our names and how old our babies are. I said, no, he's 7 months and she looked quite shocked, and just said, oh, so much so that I said, "oh your little girl is crawling very early isn't she? My other son didn't crawl until 8 months?" I felt I had to say something as she was staring at DS2 as if he was developmentally delayed or something! BTW, he is bang on 50th centile for height and weight but looks bigger, is very alert and in no way delayed! I can only assume that because it's her first child she has no idea that babies do things at different times/stages, some miss out crawling all together! Am I being paranoid?? I'm a bit befuddled from sleep deprivation but I thought the average time for babies to sit was 6-7 months and crawl at around 8 months??

OP posts:

colditz · 21/10/2010 22:55

If it's her first baby, she will think that if other babies can't do what her daughter can do, there's something wrong with them.

The flipside of that is that if her baby cannot do something that another baby can do, she will think there is something wrong with her own baby.

First baby = mollycoddled guineapig
Second baby = lightly less mollycoddled eyeopener.

blackwell · 21/10/2010 22:55

I think you're being a bit sensitive, she hardly said anything. And she's not exactly going to remember the age of every baby in the group, is she?

Funnys5FootUnderThePatioGarden · 21/10/2010 22:56

um, yes, a bit paranoid, Why do you care what she thinks, esp as this is her PFB we are talking about.

BTW DS1 couldn't sit up and crawl until about 9 months whereas DS2 has been sitting up, crawling and standing from abut 6 months. They are all different!

Original poster

Gangle · 21/10/2010 23:00

That's exactly it Colditz, - she thought DS2 was delayed because he can't do what her DD can do! I just wanted to correct her but didn't of course as she'll figure it out when the rest of the babies in the class who are mostly younger don't start crawling at 6 months as her daughter did. Her manner was quite rude and abrasive that's all. Plus her daughter is very small and light which I think help. DS2 is quite hefty.

OP posts:

Original poster

Gangle · 21/10/2010 23:01

When do babies start crawling, on average? I've forgotten.

OP posts:

readywithwellies · 21/10/2010 23:04

Thats the problem when you go to these classes. Someone always wants to comment on something. You are being a little sensitive, you know your ds is fine, why do you care what she does or does not think?

sharbie · 21/10/2010 23:07

I remember going to a ante natal group once (but post natal really if that makes sense) and bumped into a woman i used to work with.
her son was 'sitting' at 4 months by her propping him up at her feet and letting him lean back on her legs.
she made a point of telling everyone how old he was there's always at least one in these groups.

Simbacat · 21/10/2010 23:08

My daughter sat up at 3 months and crawled at 6 months and walked at 10 months.

My son - I can't remember when ge sat but he didn't crawl until he was at least 8 months and even then he was so idle that he hardly ever crawled, didn't walk until 14 months.

All babies are different- just relax.

piscesmoon · 21/10/2010 23:08

I think that you just have to accept that there are some very competitive parent-just let them amuse you and don't take part! Stick to a vague comment like 'all DCs are different' and change the subject.

piscesmoon · 21/10/2010 23:08

sorry -parents

booooooooooyhoo · 21/10/2010 23:11

i think you are being sensitive and i think this mum will come across someone elsewhere that says something like thet about her baby and then she will start to twig on that all babies* are different. i have no idea what average crawling age is ds1 didn't crawl, just walked. ds2 started crawling andout 6 months but still isn't walking at 17 months. tehy are two completely differnt children.

Firawla · 22/10/2010 09:10

she didn't actually say anything about him not crawling though did she? surely she knows a lot of babies crawl later than 7 months? (if not she may be a bit thick?!)
maybe she was just trying to make conversation
my 10 months still dont crawl! it's not really that big of a deal

jonesy71 · 22/10/2010 10:14

I don't think you're being over sensitive, it's normal to feel protective over your child and their abilities. You are right here, they do all develop very differently and some short-sighted people may look at this wrongly because all they can see is what their child can do.

Wait 'til you get to infant school and someone will sneak a look at which reading book your child is on to make comparisons! (seriously this happened to me! )

Personally I now see it that they are just looking for something to reinforce that their child is doing okay or is advanced even.

My sister had three children all before I had my first and she could remember every blinkin' detail of their development and of course mostly they were ahead of mine - otherwise, guess what she probably wouldn't have commented on it!!

And for the record my first DS couldn't really sit unaided until nearly nine months, never crawled, was walking around furniture at about 11 months but didn't progress to a proper toddle until 14months (my sister was getting very worried about him, - kept asking me when the next health visitor appointment was) .

onmyfeet · 22/10/2010 10:40

"She knew he wasn't as at the beginning of yoga we all go around and say our names and how old our babies are."

Not necessarily true. I wouldn't remember every detail.

I walked at 8 months,but my children all walked at 14 months.

babymama105 · 23/10/2010 10:38

My son didn't crawl at all just got up and started cruising round the sofas!

TrillianSlasher · 23/10/2010 10:44

Doesn't sound as if she meant anything by it - if it's her first baby then she won't be very good at guessing babies ages from their sizes.

If she does start showing off about the crawling, feel free to say you know of people (I'm one) who never crawled and now have a PhD. [hgrin]

bendybanana · 23/10/2010 11:02

Its so obviously her first baby and she has no idea about how they are all so very different. First time mums can be so competative but she will soon realise that all kids all have different stregnths.

My SIL's baby didn't sit up till 20 months and is now the most co-ordinated and academically top of his class. My friends child was walking at 9 months and although I was amazed I could see it was nightmare for her!

My youngest child is below the very bottom percentile so looks about the age of a one year old. He didn't crawl till 10 months and walked later than most too. Makes me laugh tho as despite being so small he is extra bright and verbal for his age and can hold a full detailed conversation which always shocks strangers.

bendybanana · 23/10/2010 11:05

ps - i have always though that children often concentrate on one thing be it crawling,fine motor skills, verbal etc ..

GeekOfTheWeek · 23/10/2010 11:15

Yabu

She probably couldn't even remember your name let alone the age of your baby.

wotnochocs · 23/10/2010 13:00

YABU
You remembered her baby's age because she was the newbie, she had a whole lot of babies names and ages thrown at her!

deathjeff · 23/10/2010 13:20

My DD is huge for her age and so all other babies look tiny compared to her.
It's quite common for me at the park to underestimate another child's age because I have nothing else to go on apart from my behemoth child. But it's not a slight on the child, just curiosity.

YABU she is probably just trying to be nice and make conversation.

nomedoit · 23/10/2010 13:26

Oh, this is just the beginning. I had the comparison same thing about... what university my son chose.

fastedwina · 23/10/2010 14:18

I used to put my foot in it like this. The only babies I knew were my nephews and nieces who all walked between 7 and 10mths so I always thought it strange that some babies weren't walking by at least a year. Don't overthink it.

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