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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit jealous and depressed

35 replies

frazzell · 21/10/2010 17:58

My brother graduated from university in the summer and has got a job that pays more than mine even though I'm 31 and have been working for the last 14 years. I'm happy for him and glad that he has done well for himself but I feel a little depressed that my 22 yo brother earns more than me having just started working whilst I've been working for 14 years.

OP posts:
tinky19 · 21/10/2010 18:08

YANBU as long as you don't tell him. I don't think pay levels for certain jobs are fair at all. Just make sure he buys you a good xmas pressie! Grin

uyter · 21/10/2010 18:15

YABU I assume from post that your brother is a graduate and you are not so he is better educated then you so it seems only natural that he will earn more than you

popelle · 21/10/2010 18:28

YABVU my brother earns more than me but I'm happy for him and glad for him. He's probably worked hard to get a degree and is now seeing the fruits of labour.

saltdog · 21/10/2010 19:16

YABU shouldn't you be happy with him, your not in competition.

DomesticG0ddess · 21/10/2010 19:20

I think OP is happy for him, just a bit depressed that someone 11 years her junior who has just started work, is earning more. It IS a bit depressing, but a fact of life. I presume it's in a different industry to you?

saltdog · 21/10/2010 19:27

DG There just seems to be a bitter undertone to it to me

nomedoit · 21/10/2010 19:31

You aren't necessarily being unreasonable. It depends on what he is doing - can he actually do something productive (eg. a computer programmer who is valuable to a company from day 1) or is he just getting a high salary because of the field he is in (e.g. analyst in the City) even though he knows nothing of any real usefulness?

GeekyGirl · 21/10/2010 19:33

Doesn't sound bitter to me, just unhappy. The pay difference might be down to the brother having a degree, but is equally likely to be a gender inequality issue.

DomesticG0ddess · 21/10/2010 19:34

Yes, OP just sounds a bit sad, but perhaps they can tell us more.

nomedoit · 21/10/2010 19:37

Also, it's also worth looking at the per hour rate. If he's in law or accountancy he could be expected to put in really long hours doing the leg work for his bosses.

nikki1978 · 21/10/2010 19:38

Are you struggling financially? It is easy to feel a bit envious of people who earn so much more than you if you feel you have worked just as hard as them in life. Just the way it is though. I have never earnt as much as friends etc but I didn't go to Uni and I was never ambitious/confident enough to ever progress far. I am happy with my lot though and am pleased for them in how well they have done. Sounds like you are not happy with your lot or you would be happier for him?

RumourOfAHurricane · 21/10/2010 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

onceamai · 21/10/2010 19:43

I can understand how you feel. Is he in London though and you are outside London. It make a huge difference and his expenses will be very high.

Hope you feel a bit better off soon. You are working and that's something to be proud of.

Original poster
frazzell · 21/10/2010 19:52

He's training to become an auditor for an accountancy firm. We both live in the same town so there no regional deifference in salaries.

OP posts:
sheeplikessleep · 21/10/2010 19:55

Bet he's got a bit more debt to pay off though!

Original poster
frazzell · 21/10/2010 19:57

That is true he does have about 20k of student debt.

OP posts:
bubbleOseven · 21/10/2010 20:01

YANBU - sibling rivelry is perfectly normal and anyone who says otherwise is lying.

Original poster
frazzell · 21/10/2010 20:23

I don't feel like I'm in a competition with him I just feel a bit down that he has come straight into the workforce and is already ahead of me despite me having worked for 14 years.

OP posts:
pallette · 21/10/2010 22:32

Don't feel bad be proud of your brother

readywithwellies · 21/10/2010 23:58

Ask him for an expensive Christmas present! Grin

poxoxo · 22/10/2010 00:16

YABU he's a graduate you're not so he is going to be paid more than as he has higher educational attainment

ICantFindAFreeNickName · 22/10/2010 00:30

YANBU I think it's a natural feeling, when after 14 years of work your baby brother starts off on a better salary than you. As long as you don't let him know how you feel it's fine.

ChippingIn · 22/10/2010 00:34

YANBU

It is depressing to have been working for 14 years and have your baby brother come fresh from Uni with no real world experience, into a 'trainee' position and earn more than you do... I can see how you are pissed off and pleased for him at the same time.

Is there anything you can do within your industry that would pay better?

greenbananas · 22/10/2010 00:38

Annoying, isn't it? ...but be proud of all your hard work over the years. It's great that you can be happy for your brother and it shows that you are a very cool and fair-minded person Smile

As an aside, I don't think educational attainment is a 'good enough' explanation of why some people earn more than others. I got a pretty good degree from a redbrick but had no particular ambition and graduated in the middle of a recession - and spent about 4 years as a temp. secretary before I found any direction at all. My little sister dropped out of A Levels and earns twice what I have ever earned...

Really glad for your brother - and lots of sympathy for you too {smile] Grin

poxoxo · 22/10/2010 00:48

I can't agree greenbananas the difference in salary between graduates and non-graduates is large and its getting wider

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