To after everyting still yearn for 3DC

[Natasha1]

Where do I start.......

I was pregnant at the beginning of the year....already have 2DC, always wanted a 3rd...had a bit of a bad time with 2ndDC...EMCS with bleed after..always been really scared of doing it all again but at the same time couldn't imgaine not having 3 DC.

I don't know what happended other than as each day went past my anxiety over having another baby and the birth just got worse and worse. When I got to 6 weeks I just lost the plot with anxiety....couldn't sleep or eat...lost half a stone in just over a week...I was a mess, crying all the time.

I could go on & on trying to explain myself but the outcome was at just over 7 weeks I had a medical termination.

Now the anxiety has gone I realise that maybe if I had seen someone at the time I might have just got through it and got the anxiety under control... I just acted in panic...I just can't understand what happened, I am normally a very sensible level headed person.

To make matters even worse the feeling of wanting another baby is still there...getting stonger every day..

How do I live with my decision, how do I move on...accept what I have done..I fully accept that by posting on here I will be judged and not nicely but maybe it is only what I deserve.

I had some counselling booked but I cancelled it as I can't see how I can sit in front of someone I don't know and admit what I have done.

Go to counselling.
You sound like you really need help and believe me they will give it to you- they won't judge you either.

Sounds like you've had a terrible time. I really hope you get better soon and get help!

You do need to see smb about this. Even if you get pregnant again, there is not gurantee that there will be no medical problems or that you might be more in control of your panic attacks..there are too many if's...

Having had an abortion is not the end of the world. You had your reasons for doing it at the time and no one can judge you for smth that can not possibly be reversed. But if you could avoid another from happening..that would be my main reason for seeking counselling if I was in your place.

Hope you are well.