.. to just move on from this and still invite this boy over?

[anonymousbrainsnatcher]

DS got gouged in the neck at school during play time yesterday by one of his friends. When the teacher told me about this, I questioned whether possibly it could have been accidental, to which she said a firm NO. Plenty of witnesses. DS is 6 and generally a trooper, but apparently got quite upset and of course it hurt!

The other boy I gather was very sorry and also actually quite upset at what he had done. He and DS have been good friends for two years, and although DS was a bit hesitant last night about it all, I suspect (I hope) they will simply get on and put it behind them. I was a little shocked, but I know it is out of character for this boy, who I am actually quite fond of.

I had already spoken to his mum about him coming over soon, and hope to carry through with the invitation. I will talk to DS again tonight and I hope that he will be keen to do this. It wouldn't be for a couple of weeks anyway, by which time we will have had half term and they may have forgotten about it.

AIBU to have this expectation that DS and this boy will still be friends? I really hope they are.

Do boys bear grudges? (I know girls do!)

Any relevant experience/advice gratefully received.

If you think this was a one off, then imho you are doing absolutely the right thing. Even the most lovely children do horrible things from time to time and it is really in everybody's interests if they can move on.

After all, those of us who have more than one, have to trust to the childish ability to move on and forgive: otherwise, we would need to set up separate households for ds and dd.

I think you have do exactly the right think and I think you just have to wait and see what happens. I would still invite the other boy especially as he showed so much remorse.

I think you have to give him the benefit of the doubt just once and carry on treating him as you have always treated him. I doubt your DS will hold it against him for long and even if he is a bit reticent about it it might be better for his sake for him to accept the apology and move on. It would be a shame to spoil a friendship. Things flare up with boys and die down very quickly and I doubt it will happen again unless there is something more serious going on. I have 2 boys and they have some terrible flares up with each other and very occasionally with friends and it tends to blow over very quickly.

However, it sounds like a nasty injury so the other boy would only get the benefit of the doubt once. If it happened again I would not be so keen to forgive and forget.

Move on from it. I was having a bad day and punched one of my best friends in the nose when we were 10. I cried more than she did! (For everyone else in class it was the highlight of the school year :)

We got over it quickly and we laugh about it now.

Thanks and cory - so true, so true!

I do think it is something of a life lesson for him, hopefully. It's the first time something like this has happened to him, so he no doubt will be a bit shocked and possibly reluctant (he's a rather gentle soul my boy!) but I will have a quiet chat with him about it later, see what he thinks (and he does "think" about things). But hopefully we can guide him through and show him that this other boy just got a bit carried away/frustrated and that it doesn't need to mean they stop being friends.

Apart from anything else I absolutely LOVE the parents and the two families are good friends!

Oh Bue - have wonderful mental picture!!! What on earth made you punch her on the nose?!?!? Can you remember?

Yes, benefit of doubt will be exercised in this case. Hopefully DS can be persuaded, I think he can.

Just hoping DH doesn't have a fit when he sees the scar, he comes home today from long trip so may go into over protective mode re DS (apple of his eye)... will just have to calmly explain situation and say we are putting it behind us. He is also very fond of the family as a whole, so should be ok, but a jet lagged/tired/I've missed my family Daddy might get his Club Class Pyjamas in a twist... tact and care is required on my part!

Totally agree, give the benefit of doubt if one-off, lots of kids do really nasty things once or twice, I remember biting one of my sisters friends because she won a race i was in!! But i was otherwise nice & good friend, honest. My DS can sometimes respond inappropriately in rough n tumble play, think cos he is only child & if other child gives him playful grab or shove he sometimes is OTT in his response, usually the others accept that he doesn't mean it.

I agree with moving on from it, my DD did something similar a few weeks ago VERY out of character & I was pretty shocked & was very ready to come down hard on her, bar the fact, that it was DD herself who told me, & she was in absolute bits over what she had done, no-one could of punished her more than she was punishing herself :(,

it turned out in her case there was a lot more to the story, in that she was pulled to 1 side by a smaller mutual friend, who complained about the other girl snatching things from her, not giving back & hurting her, DD stepped in to help & get the item back, & the other friend who hadn't taken it at all, quite rightly stood her ground & fought back, ended up with a big full on playground scrap , DD got into trouble for the first time ever, she's usually a real stickler for School rules & the Girl who had caused the fight of course said nothing,

DD of course then realised what she had done, WASN"T to stick up for her small friend against a bigger one, but to attack her bigger friend for no reason :(, she was absolutely horrified & cried herself to sleep for 3 nights & ended up with a bad flare up of health problem, she accepted her School punishment happily, but actually felt it wasn't enough, so was THAT upset with herself.

Both Girls have cried & cuddled over it, are now both the best of friends again & inviting each other home

So if its out of character for this other boy, there could well be an explanation, & even if not, kids at that age are always falling out & forgetting about it, its how they learn about relationships/friendship, & for the most part, the best thing we can do is keep out of it......I was given that good bit of advice by a Mum of 3 many moons agao, & it is SOOOO true :)