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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that some people just don't care about their child's safety

34 replies

keepingupwiththejoneses · 21/10/2010 02:20

I was at my local Tesco express today, when a woman came out with her daughter, who was no older than 2.5 I would say, she was calling her mummy so defiantly was. Both where kitted out in designer clothes, not chavvy but well dressed, and walked towards an 09 Chrysler MPV, so obviously had a few bob. The woman opened the back door picked her daughter up and put her in the car and closed the door, NO seat belt and NO car-seat or booster.
I was totally shocked, you can buy a seat suitable for that age child for about £30 in Argos.
AIBU to think that she is on another planet as far as her daughters safety is concerned, not to mention the law. Saying that she probably wouldn't get caught as you couldn't see through the tinted windows.

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 21/10/2010 06:16

There could be a lot of reasons why a car-seat wasn't available on that particular occasion. The woman doesn't have to answer to you or me... just the police (on the rare chance that she is stopped by them) and her own conscience.

Look after your own family. Let other people look after theirs

ayjayjay · 21/10/2010 06:40

I disagree Chil1234 there are plenty of occasions where people need to back off and respect other peoples parenting decisions. This is not one of those times.

There is no good reason for this woman not to have a child seat. This was a trip to Tesco Express not an emergency journey and as such there is no acceptable excuse for this behaviour.

JeezyPeeps · 21/10/2010 06:42

Maybe she was just putting her in the car till she got her shopping in the boot, and then she was going to fasten her in.

woolymindy · 21/10/2010 06:46

My neighbours have never ever had car seats for their boys and I have lived next door to them for 8 years - the boys are 10 and nine and the little one had a booster when I first moved in and and now they ride in the back or the front and don't even use a seatbelt let alone a booster.

I am really judgey about it and cannot understand their reasoning.

Dlamis · 21/10/2010 06:49

YANBU.

Even if a car seat wasn't available, she could still have used a seat-belt.

Struggles to think of a valid reason why someone would not have a car seat for a trip to tescos.

firefliesinjune · 21/10/2010 06:51

My neighbours also do not always strap in their DS who is 3. I know they have a seat to strap him into but sometimes they just don't bother. Though they also sit him on their knee and let him "use" the steering wheel whilst they drive to local shop Shock

Why oh why!!!!!????

I know its not nice to be judgey but FFS!!!!

BeccaandEvie · 21/10/2010 07:08

Its not being judgey - its illegal for children to not have a suitable retraint in the car.

I think anyone under the age of 16 and the driver is responsible and anyone over is responsible themselves.

Maybe they should see these ads....

Very strong message in both

BeccaandEvie · 21/10/2010 07:09

restraint (sigh)

Chil1234 · 21/10/2010 07:13

Lots of things are illegal and risky at the same time. Using a mobile phone when driving, for example. People take a chance and do them anyway. Yes, the woman in the car-park was in the wrong but I expect she knew that already. The OP didn't leap in to 'save' the child... didn't knock on the window and remonstrate... didn't call the police or the NSPCC. If we find something offensive, let's act rather than stand there pouty-faced, judgemental and posting AIBU messages on boards, perhaps?

DeadBodyofKaraStarbuckThrace · 21/10/2010 07:19

Was it a Chrysler Grand Voyager, keepingupwiththejones?

If you can afford a £35K car you can damn well afford a car seat Angry

Chil24 - there is no acceptable excuse for you not to have a car seat in your car for your child. None. If you are looking after someone else's child, you borrow their car seat to put in your car. It is the law!!

There is a possibility she did put the little girl in the car to unload the shopping, with the intention of strapping her in afterwards, but I seriously doubt it. A 2.5 would need to be in class 1 child seat and although they might be able to get in the seat themselves (my 2.10yo ds can), the parent would HAVE to strap them in.

It may be that the little girl absolutely hates being in her car seat but this is absolutely the wrong time to choose your battles.

TheGrumpalo · 21/10/2010 07:20

YABU and very judgy! Are you telling me that in the time she opened the car door you could be sure there was no car seat at all in the car even with the tinted windows that you couldn't see through? I put my youngest in the car and close the door while I put my shopping in the boot because it's safer, then I go back and fasten her in her carseat.

Were you just standing there gawping through the open door to see if there was a seat?

It sounds to me like you have a problem with the fact that she was in your opinion chavvy!

Of course if there really was no seat and she wasn't going to go and get it out the boot or something then she was wrong. I just don't like the way you described them in the first place.

ayjayjay · 21/10/2010 07:25

Agree Chil1234 that it is completely ineffective to post about it on these boards. However if we all went about posting stuff that was actually useful in AIBU this board would be empty :)

proudnscary · 21/10/2010 07:28

Oi, you Snooty McSnoot up there on your judgey throne! Mind your own... and what do you mean 'and defiantly was'? Confused

You don't sound like you care a jot about the child in question, you were too busy checking out her designer/'not chavvy' Hmm clobber.

LynLiesNomoreZombieFest · 21/10/2010 07:35

I put my DGD in the back of the car and shut the door, and she climbs in the seat and buckles it her self, I check it before driving off.

So it could be she had one and you did not see it.

If she did not have one it is probably because she is one of those people who thinks it wont happen to her.

YANBU to think that some people need to think about their priorities and if they can afford a car they can afford a seat.

Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 21/10/2010 18:06

I could see right into her car as I was parked next to her, putting my 4 year old into his car seat, and there was no car seat, she did not have any shopping the shop is no more than a glorified newsagents. To be honest I see this so much I find it so sad this was just one time I thought there is no excuse. I have said something to the odd person to which I just get told how they wouldn't have a crash as they are good drivers, or they don't use the car a lot so it doesn't matter.
I only noticed her clothes as I was behind her in the queue and thought her top was nice.
I just think people have very strange priorities.
I don't like being judgey,and I am not on most things but I just don't get it, like it has been said on her if you can afford a 35k car you can afford a car seat. It only takes someone to walk out in front of you and the child is seriously injured.

OP posts:
Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 21/10/2010 18:11

When I said 'defiantly was' I meant that there maybe a reason for her to not be in a carseat if say she was a friend/family member and it was a one off, or something like that.

OP posts:
WitchyFlisspaps · 21/10/2010 18:18

proudnscary The OP made a simple spelling mistake there it would appear.

Original poster
keepingupwiththejoneses · 21/10/2010 18:23

Sorry definitely stupid spell check.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 21/10/2010 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlyingInTheCLouds · 21/10/2010 18:33

my neighbours do this, they have the carseats but never do them up. In all other ways they are loving thoughtful parents. I don't get it.I always feel I should say something.

It would sometimes appear to be a cultural thing, of the parents at school taht don't belt up a disproprtionate number of them are Asian. Not sure why this would be. Spoken to a few of my asian friends (who do belt their kids up) and they think their can be a different attitude to safety in so parts of the asian community.

As a paramendic DH has attended a number of crashes where children have died or had horrific injuries due to insuffiecient restraints Sad.

PlasticinePolly · 21/10/2010 18:41

How do you know her DD hadn't climbed into the carseat and strapped herself in?

I often just let my DD into the car and then climb in myself - if you didn't know otherwise you'd think I didn't have a car seat but I do - it's just that DD likes to climb into it herself and strap herself in. I just turn round a check her quickly before I drive off.

BalloonSlayer · 21/10/2010 18:49

Could there have been someone else in the back who would have strapped her in?

A mini parked next to me at the supermarket the other day. A man was driving and a young woman was in the back with a toddler with no car seat and holding a baby of about 6 months in her arms. I was Shock and wondered if I should have said something but they were very solicitous of the little girl when I was about to drive off (picked her up protectively) and the woman was in the back, so I wondered if it was an emergency trip for some reason and decided to shut my neck.

ragged · 21/10/2010 19:02

Sorry if this has been asked... did OP see the Chrysler owner drive away? Or did OP just see the child climb in but not see the vehicle moving? Because shutting child in vehicle while you unload the groceries or sit and make a phone call (or whatever, not moving yet) sounds sensible in a busy carpark.

No seatbelt only matters if the Woman drove off, right? Leaving aside PlasticinePolly's points, which are good ones, too.

MadamDeathstare · 21/10/2010 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoreRenewed · 21/10/2010 19:07

of course she cares about her child's safety. Perhaps she just doesn't see this as a huge risk - rightly or wrongly.