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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sorry another AIBU nursery issue!

24 replies

ooooooeak · 20/10/2010 21:44

Pick up from nursery was once again, a bit of a nightmare.

Poor 7month old was covered from head to toe in food, all his eyes where covered in goo he was so tired and rubbing them. Tea is so late now (4:15pm).

He cried so much when he saw me :(

I was quite cross they had left him so late to feed him as they know I like to get away at 4:30 but more cross he had a dirty nappy and they went to clean his eyes and face with a horrible wet paper towel!

I was a bit upset and asked them tobring me his wet wipes so I could clean him up.

The manager said that we all shouldn't have been let in!!

That sounds a bit like we shouldn't have been let in to SEE the maddness and tears.

Would I be unreasonable to ask them to do my baby's tea at 3:45 (quite early) and ask them to use his face flannel and soft bibs?? I will provide 3 face flannels and wash them at home.

I like the nursery but I do think there care of the children is a bit second place to all the extra family/out reach stuff they do if you know what I mean. Its one of these large sure start centres gets awards for all these large projects etc but the basic day to day things seem to go a miss sometimes.

Would I also BU to suggest a few things which may make tea and pick up less stressful or is that rude??

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh I'm having bad dreams about horrible school paper towels and my babys lovely precious skin......PFB?? No DS2!

OP posts:
BuntyPenfold · 20/10/2010 21:50

No YANBU
Sounds like a poor level of care - do you have to leave him there?
Of course make your wishes very clear, and complain to the manager if necessary.
You can also go direct to Ofsted if you have to ; the nursery will not know who made the complaint.

TooTiredtoGoogle · 20/10/2010 21:54

Dirty nappy unacceptable.
Can understand why they might have to serve tea at a time that suits them - 3.45 might work for some babies but not others, and kitchen might not have tea ready for them.
If you want your LO to have tea earlier, could you not bring in tea for him (like a packed lunch)?

Sorry you're having a nightmare.

Original poster
ooooooeak · 20/10/2010 21:57

He only goes once a week and my older child goes. They seem to get things right for the older ones but no for babies. I over heard one member of staff telling a mummy waiting outside to be let in that her baby had been teary all day and needed lots of cuddles. She looked really upset. Why didn't they call her!?? I do phone once, sometimes twice a day, a bit much I know. I know I get on their nerves but when your paying £45 a day I expect them to take good care of him. :(

OP posts:
SkeletonFlowers · 20/10/2010 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 20/10/2010 22:00
  1. With a big nursery unit - tea is all made for a certain time and they can't really day well Ooooeeak's Mummy want's him to have dinner at 5 and Bunty's Mummy wants her to have tea at 3.27
  1. It's not the nursery's duty to ensure you get away by 4.30
  1. It's not your place to suggest ideas regarding tea/pick up and how the nursery runs a) it's a bussiness b) each parent has different ideas why should they listen to you and not Mrs Bloggs but then they can't listen to everyone - it's hard running a nursery.

YANBU about the dirty nappy and the use of paper towel on his face.

Original poster
ooooooeak · 20/10/2010 22:01

All babies under 1 have to have all their food provided so doing that anyway. They did say they could do his tea eariler so I will ask them to do this. Its so hard to know though if what you ask to happen actually does happen. If I supply bibs and face cloths and say I will wash them, I will know they are used as I will get dirty ones back. But how do you really know if they are happy and being well looked after? I haet questionning them but sometimes I just want to scream DO IT LIKE THIS!!! IT WOULD MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER!! But I can't as its rude isn't it...

OP posts:
lifeinagoldfishbowl · 20/10/2010 22:02

Skeleton said it much more eloquenty than me Blush

Ceebee74 · 20/10/2010 22:02

I agree with Skeleton.

In reference to your last post, if the nursery had rung the mother in the day to tell her that her DC was upset etc. what would the mum have done? Left work to go and give her a cuddle - can't imagine many workplaces would accept that? Felt even worse because she couldn't leave work to go and give her DC cuddles?

Personally, as a WOHM, I would rather not know if my DC had been crying/upset as there is nothing I can do about it when I am at work.

Original poster
ooooooeak · 20/10/2010 22:04

See the paper towel thing I knew would slit opinion but I always think, would I like it?? No, so why do it to a baby!? Having asked friends who use nurserys locally, lots used face cloths.

OP posts:
Original poster
ooooooeak · 20/10/2010 22:05

The thing is the mum is a SAHM, not a working mum and she did say oh why didn't they call? I know what your saying but in her case I thought it was a bit different.

OP posts:
SkeletonFlowers · 20/10/2010 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 20/10/2010 22:08

Regarding phonecalls

  1. The nursery will make a judgement call and if it's nescessary will call a parent but as Ceebee said - can you imagine a WOHM telling her boss that she had to go to nursery because her daughter was teary! Hmm and what does it teach the child?

  2. PLEASE STOP CALLING! I used to have a mother who used to call me 3 times a day to have a chat - I was also trying to watch/observe 13 1-2 year olds, clean up/sort out lunch, etc etc - I do not have time and especially not at meal times/nap time, arts and crafts time etc to break off my care to the children to be micromanaged by the child's parents - if you want to do that get a nanny.

PatriciaHolm · 20/10/2010 22:09

Perhaps they didn't call the mummy because they know that she was at work, and that sometimes children have an off day at nursery?

How long has he been there? If you are still ringing a couple of times a day after a month or so then yes I suspect they do have you down as a bit of a loon...

It is difficult - if they give him his food early, some of the others may be upset they haven't got theirs etc. But wiping his face with a damp paper towel really isn't going to do him any harm. A nursery is never going to be able to provide the 1-2-1, catering to every whim service that a nanny or childminder probably could - it's all compromises one way or another (and I speak as someone who used a nursery with both DCs as I preferred the other things it provided over childminders etc).

BuntyPenfold · 20/10/2010 22:09

I have worked in day care.
I did have one revolting lazy colleague who left babies in dirty nappies, even down for a sleep in dirty nappies, rather than change them, but she was the exception. I had many confrontations with her, but it is something you can't prove - she would maintain she had not known the baby needed changing.
I think a wet paper towel is too harsh. We used unperfumed wet wipes or wet flannels, all washed at the end of every day.
A babies tea was at whatever time requested, within a few minutes. It was often very inconvenient as the kitchen work was never finished, but we tried to fit everyone in.
As for is he happy, oh dear.I do feel for you. Can you arrive earlier than expected for a peep at him?

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 20/10/2010 22:11

Ooooeak does it make a difference if its a sahm or a wohm.

1, it can teach children to be manipulative - crying on cue so mummy comes and picks them up anytime something doesn't go right.

2, SAHM may have important appointments/things to do that they can't drop just to come check.

Mollycat1 · 20/10/2010 22:12

I dont agree at all I am afraid, I was assistbant manager of a 100place childrens nursery that had a baby room for 12 babies, there would be 4 staff in the room and all the babies followed their own routing from home so if you wanted tea early that would be done. We provided face cloths and soft bibs for in the baby room that were washed after each use. We did have snack and lunch times for babies who ate the nursery provided food but this was flexible to allow for children to sleep etc.

Dirty nappy - could have happened at tea but you would smell it and to be honest would you sit in soiled pants (doubt it).

Last point - manager saying you should have not been let in WHY!! what are they hiding, nursery should allow parents in at any time. If staff are professional and have nothing to hide then whats the problem.

If it was me I would be getting my child out if there ASAP. But thats just my opinion.

Littlefish · 20/10/2010 22:12

It sounds like a childminder might suit you better.

TiggyD · 20/10/2010 22:17

Paper towels are not very nice but they are cheap. Better more expensive nurseries would use cloths or wipes.

Parents should never be banned from their children. That's not good at all. Parents are partners.

Tea is when it is. You can't really have lots of children having meals at all kinds of time in a nursery.

If the nappy was dirtied during the meal that's fine. Was it a stinker or a hider?

You can suggest things to them but but the nursery has to strike a balance between the wishes of all parents.

YAB abit U

I think you would be happier in a better nursery.

WitchyFlisspaps · 20/10/2010 22:24

I agree with littlefish, sounds like a childminder would suit you better.

ForMashGetSmash · 20/10/2010 22:29

Why do you send him regularly if you are a SAHM? Not judging...but interested.

ForMashGetSmash · 20/10/2010 22:29

I don't think YABU at all...paper towels on a 7 month old's face? No thanks.

Original poster
ooooooeak · 20/10/2010 22:33

ForMashGetSmash the SAHM was the other parent :)

OP posts:
Original poster
ooooooeak · 20/10/2010 22:38

Well from what you have all said I don't think IABU supplying face clothes and asking them to use them. It will be interesting to see what they say.

They are happy to move his tea time as they say they follow babies routines.

With regards to calling them, I don't care if they think i'm a loon! I only call once a day, they only go once a week and I pay a lot of money for them to go. They are supplying a service at the end of the day and I sometimes think people think that nurseries are the second best option and you have to therefore put up with things! I'm not sure that's right.

OP posts:
PorridgeBrain · 21/10/2010 13:02

Paper towels - as long as its wet, then I don't think its too harsh on the skin, but equally don't see a problem with requesting something different if you are happier with it

Dirty nappy - I don't think you can judge on one instance, as others have said, it may have happened over dinner. If it repeatedly happens, then worth mentioning

Tea - normally nurseries have to do it at a standard time but as yours are able to be flexible then it sounds like it will be worth asking to make it earlier - however be aware that when your DC turns 1, they may not be able to be flexible again

Is your child happy - do they say whether he is happy? Does he cry when you leave?

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