To tell my DD's that only the best netball players will be picked to play for the school?

[sandyballs]

I think not, but other mothers over-hearing me saying this in the playground yesterday seemed outraged.

But surely it is just a fact of life, some kids are good at netball, some aren't, and surely the school will want to choose the ones that are good to play for the school to enable at least a chance of winning.

One mother, said 'Oh but they're all good really aren't they'. No, your DD is crap at netball, perhaps she's brilliant at art or cross country, but netball really isn't her forte! Get over it.

Why do we have to tell our children that they are fantastic at everything these days, when its not possible. Surely that is setting them up for a crap time at work in the real world.

Or am I mean and hard, I'm open to comment.

Just want to add that I didn't tell her that her daughter was crap at netball, obviously. I wouldn't tell mine they were crap either, just that only the best will be picked, fact of life.

hmm, I see the principle, but in practice quite often it's the pushy, attractive Queen Bee types who get picked for everything

school sport is just depressing, the sooner my dc are out the other side the better

I think it is an important fact about the way the world works. If you want to succeed at something -you have to be good at it. You will not do well in something if you're crap at it.

The other part of that, of course, is work hard to improve! Put some effort in!

I think it is a mistake to try to remove competition from life. Oh can't have sports day, it makes the children who don't win feel bad. for example.

Well yes, it does. but if you remove failure from life, you also remove success. Without failure there can be no success.

I think it is a mistake to work to remove success from life.

x-post with greeny.

I think it is a really important lesson to learn.

What Hecate said.

Hmmm, well you're not being U to tell her that, as it is often a fact of life. However, it does depend on whether this is how the school decides it. Some just pick the best players, some reward those who go to every practice rain or shine, some pick those who they know are reliable in that they will always be there with the right kit in the right place at the right time etc. Others use participation as punishment or reward, e.g. a child who has been really badly behaved during the day might be told they can't play, regardless of how good they are.

So being good is part of it, but it might not be the only part IYSWIM.

I don't agree with the 'they're all good' thing though, and I don't agree with teaching kids that no matter how cr@p or uncommitted you are, everything in life will be a very fair take it in turns type of scenario, as it rarely is.

D

Agree whole-heartedly with Hecate.

All children should learn that to succeed you need to be good, and to be good you need to put hard work and effort in.

Children should understand that we are all good and bad at a lot of things. SOme are better than others, but there are things that they can excell in. That there is competition in a lot of things - it's the way the world works. And that to be successful takes time and effort and ability.

They should also learn that they can be successful - if they put the effort in

And agree with other posters making the point that competition, success and failure are all good things to learn as they are facts of life.

D

OP I like your parenting style keep it up.
YANBU at all

What Hecate said.

Is your daughter crap/ not so good at netball?

In our school it wasn't the bossiest queen bees, it was the actual best players. Queen bees were reserves and sat there slagging us off if we lost.

I think you're right or you set them up for disappointment.

Agree with Hecate, with a wee bit of Delia.

I remember when Miss B sacked half the hockey team for not turning up to practice. They were good and they knew it, they were also school royalty and they arrogantly thought they could get away without putting in the work and they'd still get picked. But Miss B wasn't having any- she put the girls who were not as good, but always turned out for practice, into the team instead. Of course we got trounced for the next few matches, but we ended up with a far better team than if we'd relied on the fancy-pants types.

I think it depends in the school. At ds's everyone gets to play team sports for the school no matter how rubbish they are.

Thanks everyone, pleased to see that most of you don't think I'm a hard old cow .