How much housework should someone who works long hours do?

[DooinMeCleanin]

DH has a new job. Two weeks out of four he works a four day week. He leaves the house at 7am on a morning and gets back in 8pm monday, tues and wed. He is off thurs, fri, sat and works from 10-6 sunday.

I work p/t on a tues (split shift 11am - 2pm and 5pm till 11:30) the same on fri and Sat morning.

He asked yesterday why the house was such a mess and asked if I intended to do anything about it today. I am working an extra shift this morning. I replied "I am on strike until someoe starts helping me". "Well don't expect me to do much to help you while I am on these shifts, you will have to do it yourself" He tells me.

Now all I want him to do on these days is put his things away after himself e.g Put his clothes that have been washed, dried, folded and left on his bed. Take his empty cans and cartons to the bin, put hs slippers and dirty towels away on a morning and put his work bag, shoes and coat away when he gets in from work. And not expect to be waited on hand and foot on an evening.

This is not unreasonable, no? He says he will help on his days off. But should that excuse him from doing anything on the days he works?

No of course not. Every person in the house is responsible for tidying up after themselves unless they are too young to do it. My 3 year old hangs up his coat and hat, puts his shoes tidy and puts his dirty things in the dishwasher.

And it may not hurt to remind him that he works a lot fewer hours than a lot of people. I am out of the house 10 hours a day 5 days a week in my last job and that's fairly typical if you have an office job.

YANBU
if he were single and working those hours he'd have to do more than you're asking.

YANBU. the things you list are not housework
just basic cleaning up after oneself

I expect that of my 3 yo.

My DH works long hours (minimum 12 hours out of the house, often much longer due to unplanned overtime). He is expected not to contribute towards the housework mountain even if he has little time in which to get stuck in.

I agree everyone in the house is responsible for tidying up after themselves.

Is there any chance you could get a cleaner in once a week for a good clean?

He needs to clean up after himself. If he's not going to help you with the rest of the stuff, he has to not make extra work.

Your shifts sound exhausting. Do you have children? If so, who sorts their tea out on a Tuesday?

still half, he is living there as well!

YANBU

To me, it's not even about the amount he does, it's his attitude towards you - the fact that he feels it's your job to be clearing up after him.

My DH works long hours Mon - Fri and I'm a SAHM, therefore I accept that the main burden of housework will fall to me. However, my DH seems to suffer from housework blindness, that is, he'll say stuff like "tell me what needs to be done and I'll do it". This bugs me slightly - I wish he could identify what needs done and just get on, rather than needing instruction from me. But at least he's willing to do a share. As I said, it's your DH's unwillingness to contribute to the running of the house that would be my bugbear.

regardless of the hours anyone works, housework & picking up after ones self has to be done. YANBU

Yes I have children MIl has dd2 on Tues and does DH's tea for when he gets in from work and my gran has dd1, whom she bathes, washes uniform, feeds and dresses for bed. So he only has dd2 to sort out when he gets back from MILs.

I pointed that out to him last night RobnLou. If he was single and did only what he doesn now, he house would be squalid. He claims none of the mess is his, it's the kids mess and therefore not his responsibility

Although I'm not sure when my 3yo and 6yo started drinking Stella. That is something I should probably be concerned about.

I'm not expecting him to mop the whole house on his work days. That would BU. But picking up after yourself and maybe tossing a few toys into a box on the nights I work is not much to ask, imo.

YAnbu
I do a similar shift pattern to your DH 2 12hr day shifts and a 12 hr night shift, they are very tiring and all I want to do after is veg.

However I have no choice but to get on with it as DH works opposite shift to me.

Maybe a cleaner is the answer for both your benefit

But can you expect a cleaner to pick his dity towels and undies off the bathroom floor because he 'didn't have time to put them away that morning' he has to get up at 6am as it is. It would take 1 minute tops, to take them upstairs to the wash basket. Or even on the stairs for the next person who goes up there to take up. I suggested he set his alarm for 5:59am if he genuinely does not have time.

I'm not sure about a cleaner I would feel lazy having her clean around me and my terrier would try to eat him/her if they came in while I was at work.

His hours aren't that bloody long, you can tell him, in comparison to what a lot of people do.

He needs to pick up after himself. My DP works 6am til 7pm every week day, I do 7.30 - 6.30pm, we all (DD included) sort our own stuff out, share the general house cleaning and share cooking etc. Why should one person get the brunt of the work? Why should you pick up his shit for him?

Leave all his crap on the floor and say he needs to pick it up after himself, you are not his personal maid.

And tell him he is a rude fucker as well.

I wouldn't bother getting cleaner. You would only dash around the house picking up empty cans and skany pants prior to her arrival.

He needs to grow up. The shifts you do as well aren't a walk in the park, split shifts are exhausting.

having a cleaner does help with the general household workload, but your dp should pick after himself anyway. what a big baby.
as for the kid's mess = not his responsibility [hangry]

I almost shoved a stray little pony up his arse when he said that Mousy. I don't think it is something he will repeat in a hurry.

I know exactly how you feel DH is the same. Have started making a pile of all the rubbish he leaves around the house as he seems incapeable of working a bin and putting it where he likes to sit. Also stopped doing any washing that wasn't in the basket and just piled up all the clothes that were left all over the house next to his bed so I can't see it. When he ran out of underwear and clothes he soon started putting them away.

He is too lazy to bother with housework so when I go back to work he is paying for a cleaner to do his share of stuff - out of his money not the household money.