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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be peeved with my dad giving certain foods to DS when i said not to?

19 replies

ohsleepyone · 19/10/2010 21:09

i am probably being over sensitive but i cant help being mad, am lp and have just found out my dad has been feeding ds all the foods and drinks i specifically said i didnt want him having. Ds turned one this weekend and i gave him some of his birthday cake and mentioned it was first time he'd had sugary stuff and my dad burst out laughing saying he's been having chocolate cookies and ice cream etc for months every sat i've worked since i been back to work (i work 1 in 3)

Am i wrong to be annoyed and just being over the top, only 1, i like to know and keep note of all foods he's eaten and 2 i dont agree with kids (especially mine!) eating junk food, he's just turned 1 ffs!! lol xx

OP posts:

LittleMissHissyFangs · 19/10/2010 21:15

You need to find someone else to look after him tbh.

It's not funny, you asked for him not to eat something, and your wishes have been ignored.

OK, OK so the food won't do any harm, but it's the principle.

you are not wrong to be annoyed.

PortBlacksandsDoppelganger · 19/10/2010 21:17

Twas ever thus IMO....

Odd that they hadn't told you they were feeding him cookies and ice cream - maybe they knew your reaction.

However, if they are having him while you work you are going to have to pick your battles i think. They won't think they've done anything wrong (and IMO some ice cream and biccies won't hurt him - or he would have been sick).

I'd be more annoyed at the secrecy but i think you will learn to unclench over the next few months and years - we all have to...

TondelayooohSchwarlock · 19/10/2010 21:17

Can I clarify? Your dad has given your DS chocolate cookies and ice cream every third Saturday for the past few months? Is that right?

pozzled · 19/10/2010 21:18

Are you sure your dad wasn't joking?

If he generally has been going against your wishes I agree that you should find alternative childcare- it's your choice, not his. It shows a complete lack of respect for you as a parent that he goes against your wishes and finds it hilarious.

Flojo1979 · 19/10/2010 21:18

Hi
I understand where u r coming from. I try to reduce my DCs intake of 'junk' and my folks tend to ignore me and give my 1 yr old cordial etc in her beaker. I dont say anything however cos i know its not worth causing trouble when they r kind enough to babysit for me in first place and 'junk' food is ok in moderation, so long as your DS is only having it at grandparents and learns that it is a special treat just for grandparents house he wont expect it at home too.

violethill · 19/10/2010 21:21

Agree with LittleMissHissy - it's not really a laughing matter. A one-off thing won't hurt anyone, but you need the regular carer of your child to be trustworthy and to not undermine your wishes as a parent. Personally I never minded my one year old's having the occasional biscuit or piece of cake, but I wouldn't have arranged childcare with someone who so blatantly ignored my wishes.

MooMooFarm · 19/10/2010 21:24

Ooh, slippery slope warning from me.... I would come down on this one hard IIWY.

Sounds just like my lovely in-laws. They started giving one of our children apples and carrots to chew on (whole ones) because 'it helps them with teething'. DS was only about 8 months old and I was still at the lumpy/mashed food stage with him and was obviously petrified about him choking - they thought I was paranoid though and ignored me.

They also thought that a baby needs to learn that 'no means no', which meant leaving cups of hot coffee/tea on low tables because 'you don't teach a child how to behave by moving everything out the way'.

Surprise, surprise, we don't see them anymore... Sorry for the rant!

Original poster

ohsleepyone · 19/10/2010 21:30

yes lilmisshissyfangs it is the principle and thank you every 1 for not saying i'm a controlling freak!!

I do get is not hurting him, but i friggin said not to, and i do feel really undermined as a parent.

the picking the battles thing is a good point tho as i literally have no 1 else who could have him when i work sats, any ideas how i could get my point across without being rude and ungrateful or should i just do as flojo said and what happens at grandparents stays at grandparents?!! xx

OP posts:

violethill · 19/10/2010 21:34

Tell them (again!) what your wishes are.
It's a tricky one though, as you clearly said that before, and they've been undermining your wishes for a long while. Doubt if I'd trust them now. Sorry, but I would move heaven and earth (or job, to a weekday!) in order to get the childcare I wanted for my child. It's no choice at all if they are literally the only childcare available

Original poster

ohsleepyone · 19/10/2010 21:44

i work mon,weds and fridays which ds goes to nursery for, but my contract states i have to work 1 in every 3 sats which i've asked my manager if i could get out of it and he said no chance as every 1 else has to.

as nursery is closed on wk/ends and i'm on my own so they is literally no one else other than my parents. i do really appreciate him doing it, tho i'm just not happy he thinks i'm being over the top and ignores my wishes. grrrr!!!!

OP posts:

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 19/10/2010 21:49

I can see why you're annoyed i have been there myself with ex mil. At the end of the day after a lot of thought i realised that the good she was doing by far outweighed the negatives of some of the things that annoyed me. I sat down with her and did say to her that there were some none negotiables and learnt to bite my tongue and not sweat the small stuff. At the end of the day every 3rd sarurday letting them spoil him a bit won't do any harm. And after our chat mil was more likely to talk to me than hide.

piscesmoon · 19/10/2010 21:59

Unfortunately if he is doing you a favour you can't really dictate because he is free to ignore you. You either have to put up with it or find an alternative.

FromFirstToLast · 19/10/2010 22:27

My mum does this too, she looks after my son 2 days a week. To be honest I let it go because frankly I can't afford alturnative childcare and I would rather that than hand my child over to someone he dosn't know. My mum however also gives my son a lot of physical exercise, much more than I would expect as she has a lot of health problems. So I would also advise you to "pick your battles", but then again it depends how highly you prioritise his diet over the other benefits of being looked after by your dad.

lola0109 · 19/10/2010 22:34

I would agree pick your battles, but maybe make a compromise and say ok he can have this and this (whatever treats you would be willing to allow) but he can not have this. Maybe this way you can trust him a bit more, but unless you are willing to get alternative childcare then you can't police him constantly.

He probably feels its a grandparents prerogative.

My dad is a nightmare, he came in to drop my niece to me last week with 2 packets of Tooty Fruities and a milkybar.

The tooty fruities were for my niece (6yo) and my DD1 (2yo) and the milky bar for DD2 (6MO)!!

DD1 got the milkybar and I ate the tooty fruities! :)

nappyaddict · 19/10/2010 23:08

Unless you are willing to find alternative childcare, you sometimes have to learn to ignore some of the more trivial things when family and friends look after your children.

nappyaddict · 19/10/2010 23:12

It could also be that they didn't not tell you on purpose they just forgot?

You could pretend DS is becoming a bit fussy at the moment with his food and the HV has asked you write down EVERY morsel of food intake he has in a food diary?

ForMashGetSmash · 19/10/2010 23:19

YANBU but not worth getting stressed about. My MIL did the same thing...I got peeved for about one second and then thought...Oh who cares? My baby...and her granddaughter...she gets some Granny allowance as far as bad behaviour goes...she adores DD and the time she spends with her is special...so I decided to be glad that someone loves DD so much intead of worrying about her spolng her.

ChippingIn · 19/10/2010 23:25

Do you feel he is safe & loved when he is there with your Dad?

If you do, then leave it. If you are worried that he is ignoring you re safety (ie not using a car seat etc) then you need to do something ...

I would have been very pissed off too - but I see things differently now and wouldn't stress over it. It's not ideal and it's well off that he's ignoring what you have said, but try to appreciate having him and his support/love - because you wont always have him and one day you'll wonder why a bit of cake mattered so much.

Serendippy · 19/10/2010 23:27

I would be annoyed but would not think it was representative of the bigger picture. Pick your battles. Or am I the only one who got spoilt rotten by the GPs? Bet my mum was pissed off at the time, now it is her doing it and I bet one day I will too!

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