To want a lie-in?

[kenobi]

Hiya,

Genuinely not sure if IBU so all comments, insults etc etc welcome!

I work 5 days a week, started back 3 weeks ago. I wanted to work 3 or 4 days a week so I could spend more time with DD but work told me to get stuffed and as DH didn't have a job at the time I accepted it. DH has literally just got a job - for 3 days a week (the irony, the irony...). This means that DD is at nursery 3 days a week and looked after by DH two days a week. I get into work extra early so that I can leave on time to pick her up from nursery and do bath/bedtime all 5 days. DH drops her off at nursery. So far so good.

However... our demanding little darling wakes at 5am and sometimes goes back to sleep, sometimes doesn't. She also wakes at 2.30 and sometimes 4.30 for a short-lived scream (literally 1 min, requires no attention). We take it in turns to get up to her at 5am but we both wake when she cries. So basically we're both knackered particularly as we're just getting used to this working plus childcare lark. We live in small London flat so not much scope for seperate rooms. In addition we both have high pressure jobs requiring us to be on the ball mentally.

As DH looks after DD for 2 days a week (and while he was unemployed), DD is 'mine' at the weekend, which I am very happy about. But... I want DH to do one of the early mornings on Sat or Sun so that I can get a lie in. He literally started work this week so we haven't got to this weekend yet, but it's been a bone of contention already.

DH's attitude is, if I wanted to work 3 or 4 days a week so I could spend more time with DD, why am I wasting some of my precious weekend with her, sleeping? I sort of think he's right... but I'm just sooo tired. I just want 8 lovely hours of beautiful, uninterrupted sleep and even to wake up in my own time. May be even 9 or (gasp) 10am...

AIBU? AIB a selfish biatch who needs to put DD's needs ahead of her own?

Just wanted to add, I often have to bring work home to do in evening so can't always go to bed early. Plus DH will be working late so we will only see each other in evenings.

No no no no the lie in must be shared. There are 2 up for grabs on the weekend. One of them is yours. Its irrelevant how many days you work or how many days he works. You have an early waker, you divvy up the potential lie ins.

Its the only thing that is fair in my opinion.

Hee hee thank you! But what about the DD? Am I being fair?

YANBU - it's only fair you have one lie in over the weekend. If he doesn't agree you must divorce him

(only joking but he is being VVVU not to fully support you having one lie in one day a week). How many days he works is completely irrelevant. I take it he is getting a lie in on both days now?

yes you are being fair - DD wants a happy Mum & in the weekends a happy Mum is one who's had a lie in. It's not like you are lieing in until early afternoon now is it?

I agree the lie ins should be shared and you should have one each. He is being vvvvvu

So long as you both get an equal number of lie-ins it's fair. Your DD won't mind.

Snort! Yes, he is but he pulled the 'I am sick' card last w/e so I REALLY had no leg to stand on.
TBH he is an amazing dad, he actually plays constructive games with her, worries about what food she's eating, takes her out for walks etc etc, and only spends 10-15% of the time fiddling with his godDAMN iPhone... so I tend to count my blessings and bite my tongue. but sleeep sleeeeeep it is so beautiful...

YANBU

it's pretty feeble of your DH to suggest you have to be up at 5.00am as you work 5 days per week.

My DS used to get up at 5.30 - 6.00 everyday so when I went back to work me and DH agreed that we would each take a day each at the weekend so we could have a lie in. We don't stay in bed until 12.00, but getting up at 9.00 is great.

Now DS is nearly 3 he's sleeping until 7.45 - 8.00 anyway so much better even if it's your day to get up.

get it sorted now!

YANBU. Also wanted to remind you she won't always wake at 5am (it's just a phase!!) Sods law she'll probably start sleeping longer on your dh's day for getting up with her. Really feeling for you - I had two early risers (now 'lying-in' til 7.30!) - it is a killer.

Oh God Tootles and Lillian do you PROMISE me they start sleeping longer...? When? WHEN? We figured that about age 3 or 4 we could just tell her to fix herself some breakfast and watch TV at that time

It does get easier but it did take until DS was 2.6!

You sound like you are doing a bit too much kenobi!
You need equal lies in (lie ins?)
He might be a great dad, but sounds like he could be a better husband!
Also, try wake to sleep (scheduled waking)-for the baby not for the husband obviously.

How old is dd? With my ds (baby no 2 therefore not pfb) we used to stick him front of the TV with the longest Thomas the Tank video from the age of about 2 (probably earlier - see how the memory fades!!). We would snooze next to him or go back to bed - certainly never did anything more stimulating than that - didn't want him getting the idea that it was in any acceptable to be up at that time.

Of course you should get a lie-in. We used to share weekends.

re wake to sleep for DH!
We give her milk to lull her back to sleep at 5am, but we've probably created a monster there, right?

Gosh I'm actually quite surprised that I've got wall to wall YANBUs, I was expecting a few 'you are an evil witch abandoning your baby to sleep' comments...!

Hey whatever it takes to get them back to sleep[hsmile]

Ignoring them works quite well too.

I found this out one morning by accident when ds was 10 months old and waking at 5.30.

He was squawking for me (not full on crying) but I was just too tired to wake up, and when I finally did at seven thirty, I realised he had just turned over and gone back to sleep!

It is sooo not evil and selfish to want time to sleep (or time alone.) It's human!

I never get lie ins, my dh just will not get up.

But he is so fab in (almost) every other way and AND I'm so used to it...that it's not an issue

You need to sort out lying in now it's a 50:50 split at weekends. I am afraid as DD approaches the age of 7 we are still waiting for her to grow out of it. We have tried every trick know to man and woman to get her to sleep later - all have failed. So our deal is we take turns at getting up at the weekend and the early riser that day then brings the lie -iner a cup of tea at about 7am.

I think you are doing too much anyway. If you are up at 5 every morning, doing a full days work, and doing every bath and bedtime, you are doing 15 hour days already. Perhaps your husband should do a couple of bed and baths on the two days he doesn't work outside the home. Plus you need some sleep at weekends, either a lie-in or a nap. I don't get why the person working three days a week is getting the lie-ins on the weekend.

In my experience, working outside the home motherhood only works when your partner pulls their weight childcare wise. Otherwise you are going to be truly exhausted.

I think I've been unclear - DH does most of the week mornings, he does the mornings he's not working plus we take it in turns when he works. He's not that evil, nor am I that much of a saint...

Lizcat-I don't understand.
Are you saying that the person who gets the lie in has to wake up at seven? That's not a lie in! (Or am I confused?)[hhmm]

And I want to do the bed/bath so that DD doesn't forget who I am... Though I have a feeling I'll be less precious about that once I've been back at work for a while!

Northernrock - I have often wondered if DD's rubbish sleeping is because we just haven't been tough enough on her, having two parents round the house 24/7... Did the sleeping stick?