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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have some sympathy with 'competitive parents'

43 replies

NorhamGardens · 19/10/2010 13:13

My youngest is in reception. I was told at parents evening the other evening that others are 'streets ahead' of DC in terms of reading. DC can read simple sentences such as 'John sat down on the bed' at this stage and is 4 years old. I fully believe they are the brightest of my bunch too. (I have much older children and a Y2).

The rational part of me says that DC is doing extremely well, I have every confidence in them.

I'd be lying if I said there was part of me that isn't thinking I should be doing some frantic work with DC so they can 'catch up'. Is this how 'competitive parenting' begins? I am noticing an increasing pressure to do push children on faster earlier and earlier.

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 19/10/2010 13:16

Did teacher tell you that others are 'streets ahead'? Shock

mrsruffallo · 19/10/2010 13:17

They sound fine to me, I am sure it is above average level to read such sentences at this stage if reception.
I am a little suspicious of the teacher making such a worrying comment though. She sounds as if she is trying to nurture a competitive environment.
I think there is an inclination to label any involved or concerned parent competitive. It taps into something fundamental in all of us if we feel our children are not reaching their potential or falling behind.
Did the teacher mention any of the above worries? If not, I would relax

Fel1x · 19/10/2010 13:18

If your DC is 4 and just started reception and can read whole sentences then the teacher MUST have meant thata your DC is streets ahead of the others surely??
My DS is 5 and just started reception. He can read the sounds a,t,p and i now. No words and no other sounds yet. At his parents evening the teacher said he is doing fabulously and is very bright!

colditz · 19/10/2010 13:20

Ds2 is learning to make the letters that make his name. he's quite average for his age. Don't be concerned.

sethstarkaddersmummyreturns · 19/10/2010 13:20

re increasing pressure, I have noticed an increasing number of posts on here that say their child was reading at 2.
Now, I have nothing against any of these posters, if their child is doing this no reason why they shouldn't mention it, and some children do indeed pick this stuff up without being pressured. But it is interesting, I don't think it used to be this way.

mrsruffallo · 19/10/2010 13:21

Felix- that's what I was thinking! DS has just started reception and knows all of the basic phonics sounds now and I am so proud of him.
He can't blend them properly yet, so I was impressed by OP's Dc's reading level!

JamieLeeCurtis · 19/10/2010 13:21

My DS1 was reading Tolstoy as he emerged from my vajayjay

domesticsluttery · 19/10/2010 13:21

Well DD is 4 and in Reception and couldn't read that sentence. DS1&2 wouldn't have been able to either at that age. They both learnt to read when they were ready, and without pressure.

IMO the teacher was being very unproffesional telling you that other children were "streets ahead". For one thing it is all very fluid at this age and a child who is "streets ahead" one term won't necessarily be the following term.

domesticsluttery · 19/10/2010 13:23

BTW I could read before I started school at 4. My DB didn't learn to read until he was 7. By the time we were 10 or 11 you wouldn't have known the difference.

Pushmeinthepool · 19/10/2010 13:24

I would be annoyed at the teacher telling me other children were streets ahead; when I go to parents evening I want to hear about my child, not other people's children!

sethstarkaddersmummyreturns · 19/10/2010 13:25

NorhamGardens - it is hard to not get caught up in it. I can't believe how happy I was the other night when my dd read the word 'mantelpiece'. And I do have a life, honestly!

Hazeyjane · 19/10/2010 13:26

there is one girl in dd's reception class that can read, but all the others (28 of them) are just starting blending and simple words. I don't think any of them could read the sentence used as an example in the op.

Does anyone else feel a bit lost in the world of phonics and blending etc?

Onetoomanycornettos · 19/10/2010 13:29

Perhaps you go to a school in a rather expensive area with lots of pushy eager parents. It would be quite advanced to be reading like that at our local school aged four.

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 19/10/2010 13:30

I agree OP. I like to think I'm not competitive, but I like to think DS is doing better than average in things, and of course that invlves knowing how others are doing. I do try not to compare on an individual level, but I like to compare him against development milestones etc. And when I do hear that one of his friends is doing something I hadn't even thought about yet it does make me think that maybe we should do some work with him on it.

seth - I was reading at 9 months, acording to my parents Hmm. I too had noticed lots of MNers who were reading very advanced books very early, or their DCs. So surely that must push what is considered 'average' up :o I loved reading as a child and always had my nose in a book, but while I'm sure I was always above average I'm sure I wasn't reading amazingly early (despite my parents' claims). In fact I have very few memories before the age of about 6 or 7!

mrsruffallo · 19/10/2010 13:30

Yes, hazeyjane, it's all abit confusing isn't it it?
Likewith e- you have to teach them 'm-eee'
and then 'egg'

pagwatch · 19/10/2010 13:31

YABU

finding excuses for the competetive parents thing is the slippery slope. Don't go there for the sake of your own sanity.
Or next thing you know you will be justifying letting your DCs have a mobile phone when they are 9, or going to be at 11.00 or buying stupid stuff because theytell you they are the only ones who don't have it.

take a deep breath, remind yourself that never at an interview or any important moment in your life were you asked 'what was your reading level in infant school'.

Let it go. Don't add to the twat drive

inkyfingers · 19/10/2010 13:32

It's a massive burden we put on ourselves - and we all start with the normal baby (pse God no 6 fingers and anything 'wrong'). From then our DCs have to be anything BUT normal - crawling, weeing months before the saddos in the next baby bouncer.

Wish we could realise that what will make us ultimately really happy and proud of our kids is the kind of people they are instead of the A*s and PhDs we hope they'll get. I hope I don't forget that I want children who will know how to make good relationships and be great parents, how to find happiness in work and enjoy genuinely great friendships, faith in God, ability to weather disappointments and enough confidence to love themselves ... (wiping tear from eye at this point). How many middle-aged people say that their early academic success, grade 8 trumpet at 14 brought them all they value in life....?

sethstarkaddersmummyreturns · 19/10/2010 13:33

I don't think anyone could read in reception at our school but the teachers are very professional about not telling you about the others so I wouldn't necessarily know.

it depends a lot on what they do at the feeder nurseries.

sethstarkaddersmummyreturns · 19/10/2010 13:39

my mum was taking my dnephew2 to the park shortly after dn3 had been born. DN2 was chatting the the boy on the next swing who also had a baby brother - other boy said proudly 'My baby can walk.'
DN2: 'Well my baby can fly!'

Angeliz · 19/10/2010 13:46

My ds is in reception and couldn't read that.
He's an August baby so youngest in the class too.
At this age it's better for them to go at their own pace more too, not be pushed. I'd be very surprised if ds's teacher told me other kids were 'streets ahead'. They may be but it seems an inappropriate thing to say!

Hazeyjane · 19/10/2010 13:51

I know about the reading levels of the other children in dd's class because all the parents talk about it at the school gate. The school is in a very affluent area, and a lot of the parents are teachers themselves, but I don't get the impression of a lot of 'hothousing' going on.

I remember very clearly being the only child that could read when I started school, and I hated it. I was confused and bored by lessons and felt set apart from the other children who were all learning ITA. I think this has made me go the other way with dd, and try to avoid any hint of competitive parenting, or pushiness.

I just want her to enjoy going to school, make some friends and enjoy learning stuff.

pagwatch · 19/10/2010 13:59

this always flumoxes me

I have had 3 Dcs go through schools in 'affluent areas' and DDs teacher is a friends mum.

I have never in my whole life had a conversation with another parent about reading levels. never. Ever.

I got DD through the whole reading schemes thing without ever knowing what level she was on.

Seriously, who talks about this shit?

JamieLeeCurtis · 19/10/2010 14:02

Me neither. It's really not "done" to show a whiff of competitiveness in my DSs school - the nakedly competitive parents are derided a bit, TBH. This is not to say that we don't have twinges of it, but I like to give myself a little metaphorical slap round the chops when that happens

Hazeyjane · 19/10/2010 14:07

Oh no, thr talk isn't in a crowing way, it is usually more confusion at what our dc's are coming home with in their book bags, and what we are supposed to be doing!

domesticsluttery · 19/10/2010 14:10

In my DC's school they bring their reading books and homework home in clear plastic folders Hmm If we are going to the park on the way home I usually hide DS1's in his bag as I am fed up of seeing other parents sidling up and trying to see what level he is on. I have been asked in the playground by other mothers what level he is on. It is really annoying. OK, he is ahead in reading (and has extra support in school due to it), but he can't ride his bike without stabilisers and is a full 6" shorter than the other kids in his class due to growth hormone problems. Its swings and roundabouts.