Is this normal?

[haveachat]

I recently remembered a memory being at my parents-in-law's with my husband 2 years ago. I guess it was less than 1 year after marriage. While drinking a tea my husband was talking about selling the flat and then naturally my mother-in-law asked him ''Where's all money gone?'' And he answered ''I put it towards deposit of the flat.'' He bought it when he was a single.

I didn't take the conversation seriously at that time. But now I started wondering if it is a normal scene. To me it seems weired that a mum to ask her son's finace who is married. He has a close relationship with his family and his mum asked about his savings when he was single but it's not her business any more when he has a wife, isn' it?

YABU... It sounds like a totally normal conversation. If your husband and his family are comfortable talking about financial matters then getting married doesn't change things. My family know some broad-brush things about my finances e.g. how much my house cost. If he was discussing something personal to you as an individual... your credit card bill or your salary, for example... that would be a little different.

Normal IMO. My MIL is always harping on about finances. It's irritating, but she's just looking out for her son.

Normal.

My MIL doesn't ask but we have been talking in the last few months about moving (have been wanting to for the last year). She didn't ask anything but DH told her what we would get out of the house if we got X amount for it. How much we had saved up to go towards the deposit etc. She didn't ask and we dont tell some things (like DH using his inheritance from his Nan to buy his season ticket this year - with my agreement by the way!). In her defence, when DH (I wasn't with him at the time) got a loan against the mortgage to convert the bathroom and decorate the house, she said she wishes he had told her because she could have lent him the money instead. So sometimes it's not such a bad thing.

I think it's quite normal to discuss finances in general, it's not normal for her to want to know the ins and outs of your day to day finances, debts, loans etc.

sounds normal to me. Parents just want to know their kids are OK even if they are old and married!

Sounds Ok and normal and like the conversations we have with my mum and dad.

Dh's family talk very openly about money and this wouldn't be an unusual conversation for them.

My own family are secretive about money to the point of obsession and I have no idea about any of their financial matters. That's sort of 'normal' for them but I prefer the in-laws way. I know they just have each other's best interests at heart so no reason why they wouldn't discuss openly.

Don't know if perhaps somewhere down the line my family had experienced being deceived financially, something that caused them to be so over-cautious about discussing money, but that's how they were and they were just different.

Why would you have the idea that a parent would have to restrict their concern for their children if they are married?

I think that is weird.

Sounds normal to me. My MIL knows how much I earn (roughly). I think I told her so she would stop worrying about DH and DS given she has only a state pension and attendance allowance to live on. Whats the problem.

Normal even if it's our joint account?
I wouldnt mind that she would wonder if he was single but he is adult person with own family(just me and him). I don't feel great if someone wants to know about our savings balance as it comes to me as invasion of privacy.

I never heard of any comment about our finance since then but I'm just concerned if it would happen in the future.

So I recently told my husband ''Do not tell our savings balance to anyone(including family) as it's our private information but he didnt mention anything about it.

Sounds normal.

I think you're overreacting. If his mother was pumping him for information 24/7 or if she was trying to borrow cash, or use her knowledge of your finances to make your life difficult in some way... maybe you'd have a point. But all mothers want to know their children are financially secure and if saying 'Mum we've got £xyz sitting in the bank' puts her mind at rest then where's the harm?

If what you're saying is you don't trust your husband or his mother with the information then I think that's a bigger problem.

I was about to say what chil said.
You sound very uptight.

Being secretive about things like that is more weird, to me.

Haveachat, you said yourself in the OP '..then naturally my mother-in-law asked him....' (my bolding). So even you think it was a natural question for her to ask, following on from what your DH had been saying.

FWIW, we have no problems with discussing this sort of thing with either my parents or my in-laws. They're our families, and they're just looking out for us. In fact, my parents lent us quite a lot of money for 2 weeks, so we didn't have to get a bridging loan when we bought our last house. And I know my in-laws would have done the same thing.

If they demanded to see your bank statements, fair enough, that's over the line, but she was just following the conversational line.

You said she "naturally asked" and then you say it seems weird. I'd go with the natural.
It's no big deal.

She probably had a specific concern at the time, perhaps she was thinking of loaning you money, but since you didn't need it hasn't.

My dad asked all about the interest rates etc on DD's CTF before he gave money for it.

YABU, she stops having an interest when he gets married? Odd. Does your family stop having any interest in you when you married or is it different for the men?