to just want to rewind my whole life and start again?

[SweetnessAndShite]

I know you shouldn't have regrets but I realised today I can count the number of things I've done (or not done) that I don't regret pretty much on one hand. Just feel I have ballsed up the whole thing. Not in a major balls up way but in a culmination of lots of mini cock ups.

I agonise for ages over decisions and then end up making crap ones. I am haunted by the unwise way I acted in my youth. I don't enjoy my life yet have no motivation to change it.

I know it's never going to happen and I should just move on and concentrate on the future but I'm consumed by looking back and wishing I'd lived my life differently.

Thing is, you can't go back; all you can alter is the future, so do yourself a favour and leave the past where it belongs.

I feel like that sometimes about my life. I could have done a better job of things.

Maybe if you spend a lot of time thinking about your past, you could try and figure out why you took wrong turnings

Don't know how old you are but I'd imagine more of your life is ahead of you than behind you

\I think you should read "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. It's lifechangeing if you're stuck in your current frame of mind, and helps you move past indecision and regret.

Controversial suggestion but have you thought about going to a church, or perhaps speaking to a christian friend? One of the most liberating things i've experienced is the feeling that everything that i've done wrong or messed up has been forgiven and that situations can be redeemed, healed and generally rescued. For me, this came only from Jesus. It doesn't un-do what has passed but it does free you from it emotionally and spiritually.

People sometimes make bad choices, and sometimes just end up in situations where no option is a good one. Be kind to yourself, take a deep breath and look to the future. You can be a stronger, better person tomorrow than you were yesterday. hugs

I think maybe you need to be less hard on yourself (easier said than done, I know)

As Heracles says, you can only change what hasn't happpend yet.

The best way to use past mistakes is to learn from them. For example, if you've spent too much time prevaricating and overthinking decisions then resolve to be more spontaneous in the future and go more with your instincts. If your inability to move on is because you build up 'the future' to be something insurmountable and daunting, then change things in relatively minor ways to begin with.

If you make a tiny change to your life and succeed, it will give you the confidence to go on to try something else. And if you spend some time every day thinking of all the good things in your life, this can interrupt the negative thoughts running round your head.

I should add... if you really do spend all your time rehearsing the mistakes of your past and if this is interfering with your ability to function normally, then see a doctor. Depression can take many forms.

I bet you have not made better or worse choices than anyone else on here - it's all about attitude.

I did stupid, risky, ill-advised things when I was young. Didn't we all?

I am very happy with my life now. My husband, kids and career - but it's not all roses. And I choose to enjoy it if that makes sense.

I try to enjoy all those random, wonderful moments with the children - they are so much better than the big ones like wedding days and house buying blah de blah.

Can I be honest? I think you may be depressed. Have you seen your doctor or considered counselling?

Thanks so much for all your replies. Yes, depression has been something I have suffered from for a while. I am medicated and generally feel much better than I did. Perhaps I am just going through a dark patch.

BagsofHolly Thanks for the book suggestion. I will definitely give that a go.

Micheala Thanks for your suggestion too. My parents were/are born again Christians and I have dabbled with church but although I really want to believe I just don't feel it in my heart.

I have had counselling in the past (after my Mum died and during my severe ante natal depression with DS2) and I think perhaps it might be time to revisit that.

Thank you all again.

If church is the answer, you're asking the wrong questions.

No I don't feel that church is the answer. I sort of wish it was but it's not - not for me anyway.

nice and positive Heracles?

Glad you're feeling a bit better Sweetness. Hope you keep getting stronger. xx

Maybe try and think of something good that came from something negative. Like someone you may not have otherwise met or something you learnt or maybe you were able to help someone else going through something ? I have always tried to look for the silver lining, but it can be very well hidden, but it is there. Have you thought about cbt perhaps?

It's often better to make stupid mistakes when you're young and learn from them rather than have a blameless youth and then make a tit of yourself in later life.

I generally think that the best thing about the past is that it's over and you don't have to do it again.

If you hadn't made the choices that you made back then, you wouldn't have those exact kids that you have now.

Thats what I tell myself anyway.
Are any of the things you regret changable, eg career?

Are you unhappy in your relationship?
Is there one thing that you could change now about your life that would make it better?

Are you me?
I feel like I did the same, look back and see wasted opportunity, feel scared & guilty at times.

However, I tried my best at the time, even if I got things wrong. I have had an interesting youth and some weird and wonderful experiences. I like who
I am now.
Hindsight is just great eh!

Ps I disagree with the person who suggested the man upstairs, may work for you & good luck to you, but
I don't need a crutch.. partially due to my life choices and experiences I am strong enough without needing to 'believe' in any sort of cult/sect.

The most exciting thing about your life is the future.
It's all there waiting.

The past is gone. Good, bad or indifferent, it's done. By all means learn from mistakes but never get tempted to over analyse. That way paralysis lies.