SIL - AIBU?

[Peculiarjulia]

Sorry this a bit long!

Both my DS have birthdays in the week before Christmas. Neither was planned that way - DS1 was born 5 weeks early & we were completely caught by surprise with DS2. For the last two years we have given them a joint party the weekend before Christmas but this year have decided not to do that as it's just too much with everything else that is going on. Instead we decided that we would take them into town to see the lights etc & then go for a meal at the Rainforest Cafe on the Saturday before Christmas and then invite family round for lunch on the Sunday to do presents etc. As it's a couple of months away we hadn't formally invited anyone but had mentioned the plan in passing to my parents, brother and the inlaws.

I got a text today from SIL asking what our plans were for the birthdays and whether we were doing anything that weekend as she was thinking of booking something for PIL that weekend but would avoid it if we had plans. I replied back telling her our plans & she replied saying that she had booked for her DD to see Father Christmas on the Sunday afternoon and that PIL are going are going along too.

I'm a bit annoyed by this - i just don't understand why she asked about our plans & then made hers anyway. I don't mind being flexible with our plans as it'll only be my DS who miss out but what is she on? AIBU?

Can't your PIL do both? Just juggle the timings slightly.

Maybe she'd already made the plans, then realised afterwards that it might clash with your plans. Technically, you also made your plans without telling anyone first, so YAB a teeny bit U to complain about her doing the same. If she went ahead and made her plans after you spoke to her though, then YANBU.

I would ask her why she asked you your plans so they don't interfere with what she wants to do if she had already booked something anyway.

Surely PIL can come to yours after they have been to see Father Xmas?

Maybe she misread your text and thought the meal was the Saturday as well? I would check the times with her and work around it.

I don't see how she has done anything wrong tbh. Why not have your party meal the weekend be fire then it's further away from Xmas and people have more flexibility with times, or make it a day earlier/ later

As I said, I don't mind being flexible with our plans as if I don't it'll only be my DS who miss out so I probably will swop the days and have the lunch on the Saturday & our day out on the Sunday. (They are seeing Father Christmas at 4pm on the Sunday at Selfridges & are then planning to go to Hyde Park for Winter Wonderland & we live about an hour away from central London so I think it'll be a bit much for them to get back to us). I know I hadn't given them a formal invitation but they know we always do something for the DS birthdays as we have done for last 4 years (DS1 is 5 this year & his birthday is 22nd). i just think it's odd that she's asked me about our plans & either had something booked already or booked it afterwards - why bother asking?!