I think a lot of the problems here stem from the different hats a HV has to wear with different families.
Most (and a huge majority of mn readers I imagine) need a signpost to baby clinic and local groups and a cursory PND check. Takes minutes and yes, the information can be found elsewhere these days, but remember the system is as it has been for years. Maybe it should be given to HCA/nursery nurses under supervision of one HV? I don't know. Different areas do it in very different ways, but this is what gets squeezed when the cuts bite.
Then there are the few families who need more support, or yes, referrals to ss or other agencies. They take up a disproportionate amount of HV time and energy, but I don't think anyone here is arguing that this work is not the most important part of the role.
But, it is entirely normal to be anxious, shattered and yes a bit pfb about your own newborn. Any question you have about that little bundle you became 100% responsible for less than a fortnight ago (when you first meet your HV) is a huge thing, and unchecked can worsen baby blues. Add into that the large percentage of mn mums who had a professonal role pre mat leave, and it's pretty clear to see a mismatch between professional HV seeing overly fretting mc mum who only needs the shallow end of the service and pfb mum who feels she's flailing around in unknown territory, with anxieties made worse by broken appointments/lateness without warning, inability to control with whom her appointment is, or even when someone might be coming round. For that person to then minimise her concerns and be unable (for time constraints, lack of concern or lack of update) to enter into discussion about current best practice can make things worse. Of course these perfectionist mums are prime targets for PND...
I'm in two roles in this. Im a gp, so see a percentage of these mums when they can't get what they need from the HV service, so come to the surgery instead, and get involved with the more complicated end of the caseload too; and a new mum myself with a few of these clashes to report first hand.
I choose to see it as a mismatch between what I do and where I live that my HV asked which brand of milk I was feeding dd at 8 weeks, (I had my boob out when she called me from the waiting room, but it was a busy clinic, and we've all said stupid things on busy days); although I did get a bit disgruntled to be told I shouldn't be visiting a friend who had had a CS at roughly the same time as my forceps delivery as we shouldn't be supporting each other as needed to concentrate on ourselves. As I'm not at work so a little out of the loop, what with the newborn and all, I wanted info on the new meningitis jab too, but all I got was "do let us know what you find out, a lot of people have been asking us that"
As soon as dd can sit up on the bathroom scales I'll weigh her at home, free up a space in clinic and just keep the HV number in the front of her red book, ready to use if I need it. For the majority of us, he HV service is a backstop, and if I'm lucky enough to stay in the group that is less prioritised, I'm very happy about that.
With my work hat on, I wish they were easier to get hold of though, but not based in individual practices any more, so can be tricky to catch up.