DH's annoying little ways

[Jux]

Talking about a book dh's reading:

Him: "I'm reading XXX, it's great. I don't think you'd like it. It's very complex."

Me:

I wait until we've finished what we were doing, put the kettle on and say

"I think that was quite insulting, telling me I wouldn't like the book because it was complex."

"Oh well, that was just part of my description of the book."
"No, that was the whole of your description of the book."
"Well, it's ...." (there follows further description of the book, while I start to feel even more p*ed off because he hasn't even come close to saying sorry)

Eventually, I have made the tea and say
"Look, you've just insulted me, and I don't like it."

Him: "well, I was only telling you about the book"

Me: "you can't even say sorry" (he never does - for anything)

Him: "well, I'm sorry if you feel insulted..." at which point I leave the room. It was the 'if' that got me, really.

Did he actually think that you wouldn't like it because it was complex? Because if he didn't mean that then he wouldn't want to apologize.

I was just going to say that Jux, he didn't say 'because' did he? Having said that I would probably take exception too!

I think you're over-reacting based on this conversation alone.

I hope you didn't make him a cup of tea :)

Does sound patronising if that's all he said. I would say that to someone who I knew liked light reads, but I'd explain the comment. 'The plot is complex, twisted and full of sub-plots and it does go on a bit, you might find it a bit boring' or whatever.

I don't think it's just the meaning behind it that matters either. Even if he didn't mean it like that, he needs to think about what he's saying.

Sounds a bit pompous to me! My DH says stuff like that sometimes about films and it annoys me.

Sounds like a poor choice of words rather than a meant insult.

I know what you mean though, the point is that your more hurt now about the lack of understanding that you were hurt in the 1st place rather that the original "insult".

Stupid I know, but I've done it too. DW says something, I misunderstand and take it the wrong way, then get into a huff when no apology is forthcoming, then remain in a huff when DW explains there was no insult in the 1st place and I'm being stupid for being in a huff, which puts back up even more...

Thing to do is ask yourself this: Would DP be such a prick/bitch/whatever as to deliberately cause offence like that?

Thanks all. I knew I was being petty, but he is a pompous patronising twat a lot of the time, and he never does apologise for anything (even when he really is at fault). I also know that when he says "I'm sorry if you feel" whatever, then he twisting it so it's me at fault, and pisses me off mightily.

So yes, I was petty, but wouldn't it have been sooooooo nice if he'd just said "Oh sorry, I didn't mean that ...." instead.

ahhhh..I understand you OP but as others have pointed out.. he used a poor choice of words perhaps?..

unless he does this all the time...you know him better than us..

I can never understand people who have hurt someone else unintentionally or not, who have a problem saying sorry...whats that about???

Your post made me laugh, because DH and I say to each other every time we are reading a good book "Oh, this is a good book, but I don't think you'd understand it" or "it's quite complicated so I am not sure you'd like it". (yes, we like our little rituals!)

Maybe if you tell him that because he never apologizes it makes you petty on other occasions?

Why are you married to a 'pompous patronising twat'?

Your original post was petty, this added information is completely baffling.

I say stuff like that about books or films all the time to my gf. It's not an insult, it's just an opinion on wether or not I think she'd like them. It's not that I think she won't understand them or get them, just that I think she won't like them based on previous experience. TBH I think she likes her movies and books as light escapism and just doesn't enjoy ones which take concentration or finds them boring. Not a slight on her intelligence, she just doesn't seem bothered (gave up on "East of Eden" after the first page because she was bored that it was going on about "the rolling hill of the Salinas valleys" etc.) so I tell her if I don't think she will enjoy a book based on what I think I know about her preferences.

OP is angry...thats all it is proud..sometimes I'm married to a idiotic,moany, wanker

and I'm quite positive he is occassionally married to a grumpy,pompus,cow

OK mayorquimby, but the reality is that he prefers lighter reading - in fact only reads sci fi - and I prefer the heavy stuff, so his experience of my tastes are that the more complex something is the more likely I am to enjoy it, which is why it was annoying when his only reason that I wouldn't like it was that it was complex, and why I went at him. As he didn't see the need to say anything else and I discovered I was feeling a bit peed off about it, I told him.

Mumcentreplus, you're right, I was cross. And, yes, proud, he can be a pompous patronising twat and was being on that occasion; which was probably about the 4th time this morning so I had had enough of it for today. He has been in that sort of mood all day, and has spent quite a lot of this morning giving me unneeded, unasked for advice on various things which I've already done, and reminding me of how I can't do whatever, but he can (but doesn't), when I've done it anway.

OK, today he is annoying me a lot.

but the reality is that he prefers lighter reading - in fact only reads sci fi - and I prefer the heavy stuff

Sci-fi is lighter reading is it?

Read any of Iain M Banks "Culture" novels?

Yes Daemon, all of them. I would call them lighter reading, sorry.