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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my FIL should let our children see his trainsets!

22 replies

lakelandaddict · 18/10/2010 12:56

My FIL collects trainsets. He spends ages in his shed with them and some are quite valuable but others are less so. I made a comment about how nice it'll be when our DCs are older to play with his trainsets and he spluttered and said not a chance. I said obv I know some are valuable but that in due course when they are older wouldn't he enjoy showing them to the children and involving them and sharing a hobby - I wasn't suggesting he leave them to run amok with valuable ones or to even play with them without supervision. He said he would be getting padlock for the door and they wouldn't be allowed close to them. He wasn't joking.

You might suggest he thinks my kids won't treat them with respect - but my dc is a baby at the moment so no reason to think he will be particularly boistrous or anything.

AIBU to think he is being a selfish bugger. My dh was allowed to play with them with my FIL when he was a kid and found it a great way of bonding with him given neither of them are particularly talkative.

I feel that I don't want to ever let my dc know they are even there if they can't even look at them, yet it is obvious there is something in granddad's shed (maybe bodies - he is a weird man!!!!) because he disappears there all the time. And tbh, I would make my dh be with them anyway because FIL is weird and I don;t think he is a bad man or would do anything, but I feel he should be kept an eye on if only because his manner often makes people want to cry.

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 18/10/2010 12:58

yabu

they are his. They are not toys, they are his expensive hobby and you are 'dissing' it.

I wouldn't let kids play with my diamonds either Grin

lucy101 · 18/10/2010 12:59

I think YABU.

It is his hobby, maybe much more than that to him and if he doesn't want to share that, risk damage (and yes miss out on a bonding opportunity with his GC) then that is his choice and you should respect that.

GetOrfMoiLand · 18/10/2010 13:01

YABU. They are his and it's his hobby. He probably goes in his shed for a bit of peace and quiet also.

scurryfunge · 18/10/2010 13:01

He probably likes to spend time alone in the shed and it is more about that then letting them play. If that is the only opportunity to unwind then let him do it.

Buy you children a cheap set to play with.

curlymama · 18/10/2010 13:03

Most normal people would be able to see that he is being a bit precious over a train set. But men have their wierd little 'things' and I suppose if he doesn't want children paying with his toys, he has that right.

I guess I wouldn't want a child going through my make up either.

My DH has a ridiculously huge collection of toy cars, well, I call them toy cars, he calls them models. He would let the dc's play a bit with most of them, but it probably wouldn't be that much fun for them because he'd be so bloody jumpy the whole time, scared that they might shut a door too hard or something! Thankfully, they are not really interested.

JinnyS · 18/10/2010 13:05

I think YABU. I'm sure that in time if your DCs show an interest in trains themselves he will be more than pleased to show his collection off.

ForMashGetSmash · 18/10/2010 13:09

Thats so funny because in last week's People's Friend Magazine...there was a story ExACTLY about this! A grandad who wouldn't share his trains! In the end h bought a decent track and trains for the DC's to play with when they visited...

mayorquimby · 18/10/2010 13:12

Yeah I can imagine that there'd be limitless bonding opportunities for him and his grandchildren while he's being supervised due to their mother not trusting him and thinking he's a weirdo.
Surely that's going to be more of a barrier to any bonding than him having a hobby of his own which he deems unsuitable for grandchildren.

BalloonSlayer · 18/10/2010 13:20

YANBU but train enthusiasts are not entirely human, you understand.

My Dad was one and I was not allowed to touch any of his trains until I was 14!

In later years, when we'd go up into the loft with the DCs to look at them it was under the strict understanding that they didn't touch anything.

When Dad and his cronies did displays, you'd see all these eager little boys looking (and bear in mind how upset Dad and the gang would have been if no one came to see their layout). Every now and then some grouchy old bugger would snap "No touching!" at some poor little boy who had just breathed too close to an engine or something.

Perhaps you could suggest that FIL buys a child's trainset for your DCs (eg a Thomas one). He will probably enjoy boring teaching them how to build tracks and eventually will show them his stuff.

My Dad died nearly 3 years ago.

< looks tearfully at £400 engine sitting next to me on windowsill >

Deliaskis · 18/10/2010 13:28

It was probably the word 'play' that set him on edge.

I do think it's probably the difference between toy trains and model trains that might be the problem here. My Dad has model railways and they're not toys, they're works of art which have either cost a lot of money or he has spent hours and hours labouring over with the tiniest tweezers and paintbrushes you could imagine.

Toy trains are an entirely different thing, as any model railway enthusiast will tell you (with serious look and shaking of head).

D

JinnyS · 18/10/2010 13:34

Coming back to this. Imagine you collected teapots. One or two may be expensive but the majority you just like and you keep them in a display cabinet.

Imagine that someone comes round to your house with a 2 year old that likes having dolls tea parties. When your back is turned a teapot is given to the child to play with. Then the spout falls off. You'd be ever so upset I guess but maybe the mother wouldn't see that there was a problem because it wasn't a valuable one and her child really wanted to play with it.

At what point does a child's desire to play with something override an adults desire to keep their precious collection to themselves?

I think it's when the person who owns the thing says no. Even if it is a relative

cat64 · 18/10/2010 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MilaMae · 18/10/2010 13:36

One of my twin boys is train mad and has had to endure fil's trains on display in a glass cabinet for the last 5 years.

Now the twins have turned 7,they actually got removed from said cabinet on our last visit.I could hardly breath I was so petrified a breakage might happen.

Do you really want to endure a shedsworth being manhandledand and a "wooopsy,mummy a pistion came off"?If so you're a braver woman than I am.

Having said that dtwin 2 is getting as bad as fil with his Starwars Lego creations,he follows me hoovering now. Hmm

He's going to end up with a shed isn't he.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 18/10/2010 16:25

YABU. It's his hobby not toys for the kids.

Just because they are trains doesn't make them toys, any more than if he collected stamps, or coins. I can see how, because they are trains, you think they are toys and therefore the kids should be allowed to play with them, but imo, you're wrong.

Buy your kids a train set.

Tortington · 18/10/2010 16:27

yabvu, they are not toys.

ColdComfortFarm · 18/10/2010 16:30

I would guess that FIL possibly has Aspergers - hence odd manner and passionate interest in trains. I don't think you sound terribly kind and understanding yourself tbh when it comes to the FIL (though sure you are fine with everyone else - that's not a character assassination) and i do think you need to realise this is his precious collection, not toys, no matter how odd and childish you think his hobby is.

Tortington · 18/10/2010 16:34

i could iagine future DILs saying " my mil is so mean she wont let my children play on her drums"

yeah...err, no...fuck off

Mutt · 18/10/2010 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaisleyPumpkin · 18/10/2010 16:39

Same as everyone else says.... "play" isn't really the word when it comes to the trainset stuff as an adult hobby.
We had a tenant who was into his trains. He had a little sign up that said "DO NOT TOUCH THE ROLLING STOCK OR LITTLE PEOPLE" he lived on his own! Confused

As you say your DC is a baby at the moment. Maybe in the future, when they've built up a relationship and if your DC is genuinely interested in the model world his grandad would love to share it with him a bit.

atswimtwolengths · 18/10/2010 16:40

I'm sorry, I'm still laughing at this, in the OP:

"...but I feel he should be kept an eye on if only because his manner often makes people want to cry"

Poor you, having a FIL like this. I wouldn't want the children to play with his bloody trains - buy them their own train set in the unlikely event they develop a passion for them, but don't let them go into his shed unaccompanied!

DanceOnTheDarkSide · 18/10/2010 16:42

They aren't toys. Each train probably costs hundreds of pounds to buy.

droves · 18/10/2010 17:32

YABU .
DH is like this with his mamod steam engine.
Its boxed , still has original firelighters and everything.
Once a year he brings the precious thing down from the attic and cleans it.

The dc are not allowed to touch .
Im not even allowed to touch the damb thing! ... Me , (his wife ,she who has born his children, and cleans his skanky pants !!! the indignaty of it !!!!!! .

But then again DH is not allowed to play with ds`s thomas trains ! hehehe

(think they learned from their dad ! )

Grin
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