To want to do what I want at Christmas?

[ilovehens]

Been with dh for over 10 years. We usually go to his mum's house (his father died a few years ago) and I have always disliked it, but tolerate it to be polite.

I'm a nurse, so sometimes I have to work on Christmas day, so dh takes the kids with him to his mums - she lives 150 miles away. My eldest goes to his fathers every other year - he lives 200 miles away. I just spend my time alone, then go to work inbetween.

All in all Christmas is generally crap and what I would really like to do is go out for a meal and not have any cooking/washing up to do. All I usually do at Christmas (when I'm not working) is wash up and generally skivvy around. No tv, no relaxation, nothing.

The thing is, dh has a sister and sometimes she comes over with her family and helps to look after things for their mum.

This year my dh asked his sister if she was coming over and she said that she hadn't decided yet. dh then said to me that he couldn't book any tables out because he didn't know how many of us would be there. So, because SIL hasn't decided yet, we can't go out and I'm stuck with yet another crap Christmas.

My dh doesn't work because he's taken early retirement and I go out to work and run the house, sort the kids out etc. I really would like a little rest this year and to just relax, but dh isn't going to let me do that and I think he's being selfish and I think that his sister is being selfish not taking her turn to look after their mum because she wasn't over for Christmas last year either.

Am I just being stupid? I felt really sorry for myself last night and couldn't stop crying. I just feel like a doormat and everyone elses choices come first.

Book the table for you and yours then let everyone else know they need to let the restaurant know asap if they want to join you.

Why are you running the house if DH is retired? Sounds like you're not being supported at all at the moment and Christmas just brings it all into focus.

I think you have to explain to your DH exactly what you have put here. You have as much entitlement to the Christmas you want, as anyone else. If you have never had it in 10 years then your turn is well overdue.

You could offer to have your MIL spend Christmas with you in your home. If she refuses then it will be her choice to spend Christmas without you all. You cannot be responsible for everyone elses lives and happiness.

If this was me, I would insist upon having my own way. Someone is always going to be pissed off and unhappy. Why should it always be you? A husbands primary responsibility is to his wife. If your husband won't put you first, then put yourself first for a change and don't feel guilty. You have compromised enough

I'd go for you, DH and the kids ONLY, and not worry about anyone else - seems that all you've ever done is fit in with others.

Or, could your dh do the xmas dinner at home, time it to coincide with your shift, and invite his mother over.

Yes that's a good idea bubbleOseven, MIL is moving into a flat near to our house before Christmas, but I thought it would be nice to go out this year. It would save the mess because my shift starts at 5pm til 9pm.

I was just hoping that SIL would be over with her family and then we could have all gone out. As it is, I'm worrying about them coming over and there being nowhere to sit if we're cooking a meal at home. MIL is only going to have a two bedroomed flat with no dining room and our dining table only sits 4 .