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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be slightly upset and hurt regarding my birthday this week?

14 replies

CrazyPlateLady · 18/10/2010 09:40

Its my birthday soon. I have younger brothers and sisters, 3 of which are adults now.

I am getting very sad at knowing they will be useless yet again and I won't get a card unless they are reminded (not doing it this year). My sister has a good reason, she is away at the moment and not back until next week. It is my brothers that I feel sad about. I am in my late 20's and last year was the first time I actually got a card from one of my brothers, I actually nearly cried. The other brother is away at uni and is bloody useless with money, pissing it all away even though he has a well paid part time job and his loan. My birthday is 2 days after their mums (we are half siblings but I don't think of them like that) so they have no excuse for forgetting.

I don't want to have to remind them, so I'm not going to but I know that will mean I will not even be given a thought about. I have never once forgotten or ignored their birthdays, even when I can't afford much, some bottles of beer are not too expensive. I reminded 1 brother of DS's birthday earlier in the year, in plenty of time so he could get a card in the post. No reply, no card, nothing. At Easter when I saw him he did say that he has been useless and has no excuse, but this doesn't wash with me every time.

I am pregnant and hormonal but I feel really sad that I seem to think of them a lot more that they think of me tbh. I know I am going to have the minimum of cards when I actually have quite a few family members that just don't bother. My aunt has also stopped bothering to send me cards, even though I never forget hers or her 2 DCs birthdays.

I'm fed up of caring about people that don't seem to give a shit about me. Sad

OP posts:
MrsKarpet · 18/10/2010 10:21

Sorry nothing to say to help really but just being pregnant/hormonal etc can make everything feel so much worse than usual. Get yourself a really nice treat and concentrate on the cards you do get given not the ones that don't get sent....some people are just better at card/present stuff than others, and some people are just a bit rubbish sometimes. Happy birthday btw X

RiverOfSleep · 18/10/2010 10:25

My brothers are rubbish at birthdays. I don't take it personally - I know they love me. It doesn't mean your siblings don't care. They are just crap at sending cards.

Anyway it doesn't matter how many cards you have, it doesn't 'prove' anything. You have a DS and a baby on the way and therefore you have lots of love around you [pink and fluffy emoticon needed].

I hope you have a lovely birthday Smile

CrazyPlateLady · 18/10/2010 10:28

Thanks. It just hurts that I always make an effort for theirs and I don't get a single thought in return.

OP posts:
otchayaniye · 18/10/2010 10:29

I don't even get one from my mother.

selby · 18/10/2010 10:44

Some people are really rubbish at the card/present giving so you have my sympathy! DH & I have had an eventful year both healthwise and workwise. Life is too short to get upset over these sort of things so quid pro quo - this year, I've consciously decided not to make an effort (first time in 20yrs so it will be obvious!) towards those who are clearly too selfish/lazy to make an effort back. Yup - it definitely makes me feel better...

proudnscary · 18/10/2010 10:45

Among my friends and family, we only mark the kids' birthdays these days. Unless it's a big one, or the birthday boy/girl arranges drinks.

I think you are going to have to grow up and accept this.

Happy Birthday btw!!

stillbobbysgirl · 18/10/2010 10:45

My Dad spelt my name wrong on my last birthday card!

I personally think birthdays (apart from the big ones 30/40 etc) are for kids really. It only one day - the other 364 are just as important and if you have a loving relationship with your siblings the rest of the year then why does this matter so much? It is only a date on the calendar. I genuinely could not care less if no one apart from my husband and kids remembered my birthday, I am probably very odd.

FunkyMonkey1983 · 18/10/2010 10:52

I personally think it's a guy thing.

My older brother hasn't bought me a birthday card in years, I only ever get a text from him to say Happy Birthday! My foster brother doesn't bother and neither does my step-brother!

DH didn't used to get me birthday cards when we were dating until I got upset one year and cried because he didn't get me a card! He couldn't understand what the fuss was about as he'd gotten me a present but felt terrible for making me cry! Now he always remembers!

FunkyMonkey1983 · 18/10/2010 10:53

Blush sorry about the overuse of exclamation marks...

OooeeeoooeeeoooeeEthel · 18/10/2010 10:57

None of my family have remembered birthdays for years. I have 3 brothers and all of them are pretty much incapable of remembering trifles like birthdays really. My parents don't do anything except paying for the odd lunch out if its around the date of my birthday. I've been used to it since about 17 or thereabouts.

Dont sweat it too much. Have a happy birthday from all of us and enjoy the day however you are spending it.

Oh, and hormones in pregnancy are absolutely a good enough reason to feel fed up about anything you want to.

Smile
MaudOHara · 18/10/2010 11:01

Birthdays have never been a big thing in our family once you're out of childhood.

That said if it is important to you then it should be important to them - no advice really but have a lovely birthday

LittleRedPumpkin · 18/10/2010 11:11

It's part of the transition from being part of your parents' little family, to being part of your own, isn't it?

This birthday I got a card from my mum, wrapping in my bank statement she was forwarding, a card from my godmother, and dinner out and a bunch of lilies from DH. So I think what your brothers are doing is fairly normal, though it's a pity if it upsets you (I have two brothers).

Is the baby your first? How about making sure you and DH start up a good tradition of birthday celebrations between you? When we were very little presents were bought in our names for mum by dad, or for dad by mum, and then later we helped choose them. Children love making a fuss of their parents' birthdays, and if you make sure it's done for your DH, he can do the same for you.

zukiecat · 18/10/2010 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamadiva · 18/10/2010 11:28

It was my birthday yesterday, I have 3 cards... one from my gran, one from my DS and DP and one from a friend. The only gifts I got was a bottle of Morgans and £20.

My mum sent me a text and my brother phoned (he is only 15). Oh and my MIL and DP's neice were staying the weekend and neither acknowledged it at all, most annoyingly I asked last night if they had money to buy themselves a chinese and we would pay for ours as we are a bit skint, they said yes and gave us a fiver for their 2 curries, 2 rice, chips and a porion of BBQ ribs Hmm, we got a curry between us. So I have spent all of my birthday money on a meal for 4 when we only got one Angry. MIL has now pissed off back home 200 miles away without so much as a thank you for any of it!

Was a bit gutted but heyho.

Happy birthday :) and sorry for ranting but rather p'd off at the moment :o

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