to think that baby led weaning doesn't actually work if you have a child not remotely interested in food

[duchesse]

First off, let me say that I've done BLW or its nameless equivalent over 17 years and 4 children.

Child 1 (now 17)- interested in food from 5 months, started 5.5 months, was feeding himself with a spoon from about 7 months, could cook a fry up at 4 (with parent at elbow obviously)

Child 2 (now 15)- Weaned at 6.5 m against my better judgment on "advice" from HV as there were concerns over weight. She would still be spoon-fed by her parents now if she could. Is a take it or leave it kind of girl. If it's something she doesn't like she'd rather not eat it at all.

Child 3 (now 13)- Started eating anything and feeding herself simultaneously at 9 months. Has never stopped eating since.

Child 4 (13 months)- would quite happily still be existing on milk from me, and if the day has been too busy running around for long to stop for enough milk stops, will wake up hourly or two hourly through the night for top-ups. She's very active, running and playing all day every day, just really not that interested in food. The only way I'm going to get her to eat anything is to spoon it down while she's distracted in some way. Sit her in her high chair and she tries to get straight up again, sit her on my lap and she's turning over the table cloth or throwing dishes on the floor. Give her a plate of delicious morsels and lobs them one by one on the floor. She will taste them, sometimes even nibble bits, but will eat nowhere near enough to keep body and soul together.

So I have 2 options: either persevere with BLW and being woken 6 times a night, or spoon gloop into her. So I spoon gloop- it's the same stuff we're eating, just semi-liquidised.

Am I BU to think that BLW doesn't work for every baby?

I think this is just another example of how children don't read the same textbooks as us and are all different! I think you just have to go with what works for each individual child. It's great that there are different ideas and approaches to try for thing like weaning, but it's never a one size fits all deal with any aspect of parenting IMO.

I've only got one child so I don't know but I've found for us that a combination of finger food and spooning stuff in works. If I left him purely to feed himself I'm sure I'd be getting woken up hourly at night. If he has something to hold he doesn't notice the stuff being spooned in.

I am also overly reliant on toast fingers/organix carrot puffs/rice cakes to fill him up as he loves carbs. My lovingly steamed veg sticks tend to end up uneaten on the floor.

I'm not sure if it's a matter of BLW not 'working' for every child, but more that each child is very different in their requirements and will progress their own pace.

We did BLW with DS1 and tbh it was quite a stressful experience for me, as he wasn't that interested in food. However, he's now 2.5 (just bf morning and evening) and still seems to exist on virtually nothing some days. He seems to go in cycles of eating tons for a couple of days and then very little for a day or so after that.

I'm not sure if your 4th child would sleep more due to being spoon fed. I'm also not convinced that you can make a child eat more than they want, irrespective of whether they are being spoon fed or BLW'd.

Will be very interested to see what other posters say.

YANBU
ds was a spoon baby, didn't like to touch food. he ate a lot form 6 months, but was not interested in touching food at all. BUT he spoon fed himself at 13 months.
dd (10m) is the opposite, she likes touching food and dislikes being spoon fed. if I give her yoghurt I give her loaded spoons. until 2 weeks ago she only ate teeny tiny quantities, but so far it has not made a difference in the nights (still 3-5 wakings/feeds).

My DS was never interested in putting things in his mouth - not even toys, his fingers etc. He also didn't have any teeth until just before his first birthday. So BLW wouldn't have worked for us either. He'd have just looked at the food and left it on the table. He must have been nearly one and a half before he finally became interested in putting food in his mouth and biting it.

Mishy- it does make a very noticeable difference! Three square meals (albeit spooned in + a few biscuits) means she sleeps 8:30 till 5am. Feeding herself for the day means going to bed at 8:30, waking at 11pm, 1, 3, 4, 5... you get the idea.

If spoon-feeding works for you, then do it. None of these ideas should become something you must religiously follow whether it suits your circumstances or not. BLW is a nice idea, but spoon feeding doesn't cause some terrible harm

Just out of curiousity - is there a reason you aren't refusing milk for her? Even now DD (18mths) would take milk over food everytime.

It just seems that a baby that age who is not interested in food at all may have issues other than the method chosen. Not an expert though obviously.

weasel- I take the long view on milk. afaic milk is a better food for very small children than any other. Two of my three other children have fairly quickly preferred food to milk, just not this one or her older sister. Older sister stopped the milk at 18 months (I forced the issue- wanted my body back to myself after more than three years of bf and pregnancy). Child 3 had milk until 2. Would imagine feeding child 4 for a similar length of time. I don't view stopping milk as an abrupt parent-led activity, more of a gradual process.

duchesse - my 13 month old DS is very like your 13 month old! we've tried BLW - and he was fascinated by it to begin with, but now he'd much rather chuck the food over the edge and be spoon fed from my plate. or, even better, not eat at all, but spend all night attached. And he never seems to stop moving, day and night. god knows where he gets his energy from. he does like cake though, and will run through flames for anything cake like. he is most definitely my child...

Wow yes, that is a real difference! No doubt then that the combination approach is the way to go.

Fair enough...

I guess you anbu then, they do recommend bf on demand with BLW and the combination is not working well for you!

I'm really interested in your post as my 13 mo is exactly the same, although I stopped bf at 9 months. He's big and tall for his age, completely irrepressible and energetic but it's hard to get much food down him. I have the same high chair drama which I can sometimes improve by scattering his beloved pomegranate seeds over the tray to keep him interested. He has never let me spoon anything into his mouth so purees never happened (although he will suck up an Ella's pouch). Sweeping up a quantity of food very similar to the one served is always dispiriting!

Like you I find he sleeps better if he's eaten enough, so we spend lots of time out (easy for me, with just the one) I always take a pot of chunky finger food because he'll eat in his pram. I'm learning to trust him and let him eat when he's hungry and only as much as he wants.

I also keep trying new things - he seems to like variety.