To not go near my mother at the moment

[ilovesooty]

To give you the background: my mother was fine until April this year. Until that point I'd been happy going near her. I'd visited her at home and been happy to do so. I live 130 miles away. She has a background of MH issues. When she said she had problems I dashed down. I won't bore you with the details, but she has been in hospital, in transitional care, home, and in hospital again. She's now in residentional care again. I can't cope. She's been horrible to me. I can't do this.

can you find a support group in RL?

Sooty

I cant believe your post. I am lying in bed at the moment unable to sleep (i have to get up at 6.30).

Please read my posts on mental health board - called re my mother.

My mum was admitted into hospital on thursday. i have visited everyday and it is not easy with working f/t and with a 12 year old.

I am not coping with it. I am lying here in bed going over my life and the mess it is in because of her (i feel so bad posting this). I always knew something was wrong with her but life just continued.

Its been awful visiting her in hospital i want her out but at the same time dread her being out iykswim.

i hope someone comes along and posts soon it will probably be in the morning.

but big hugs from me, i feel shit and this post is a mess as i am so tired x

By the way you are not being unreasonable.

I just want to add that it is very difficult to get support, i have tried and tried.

I just got a leaflets for my dd on mental health and for myself a leaflet for a group in my part of the world - which i cant attend as i work mon-fri 9 - 5 (currently in a long-term contract and cant afford the time off) the groups run at this time. I visit mum in the evenings, i have a 12 year old and i am a single mum, the support for me isnt there.

The support was never there, i grew up with my mum and her funny moods - my family has just washed their hands off her (that was many years ago) so its just my sister and i and we are exhausted.....

anyways, goodnight! just havin a wee rant.

Very sorry to hear your Mum is being horrible. My Mum has MH problems too and has always been difficult to some point. More so since I got married and dont pander to her. I hope you get through this and you both get the appropriate help. x

My closest friend has issues like this with her Mum. It's awful, and I really feel for you.

YANBU to not want to see your Mum while she is being horrible to you. You probably understand that she is ill, and doesn't mean the things she says, but that doesn't stop it hurting like hell. If you choose to stay away from her until she is a bit better, you would be doing nothing wrong at all.

When my friend has had to do this, she feels so terribly guilty, but I try to reming her that she has to distance herself to protect her own sanity, and even her marriage and children. She finds it very hard to cope with the normal things that children do when her Mum is bad, and loses patience quickly. Her husband finds it really hard to understand why she would want to keep seeing her Mum when she says awful things about all of them, even the dc's, so that ends up causing arguements and resentment. In the end, she has to put herself and her family first, and I truly believe she is doing the right thing when it happens. She still stays in contact with the proffessionals though, so she knows what's going on with her Mum, it's not like she abandons her completely.

In short, do what you have to do to look after yourself. I hope you and your Mum get all the help and support you need.

Curlymama

Your friend sounds like me, it is horrendous and altinkum i know how you feel.

I dont want to be doom and gloom but i believe that i became a single mum due to your friends situation, although my oh was weak and tried to understand but didnt, she is lucky in that respect.

I feel that from growing up until now (in late thirties) i never really had a chance, we were never allowed friends into our home and when things were bad say when mum was in one of her moods it was and is hard keeping up friendships with people. I sometimes wonder how on earth i have my dd.

It is constant, my mum has hurt me so so much and i keep coming back for more because when she is herself you couldnt wish for a better person but this illness is hell for us daughters. I think more so for daughters.

I think that op should maybe post on the mental health thread, i have found the ladies there most helpful, but what people dont understand is the pain and hurt you go through seeing your mum become someone else. Most people want you to walk away but you cant its your mother and you love her