to be upset at not being invited to step-daughters 18th birthday dinner

[poppyswill]

MIL has organised an 18th birthday dinner for my DHs DD and the entire family ....except me. I have a good relationship with my in-laws, but have never met DHs ex (they were never married but had two DDs together). We regularly see the girls as they stay with us whenever they like. We often have them for xmas, holidays, birthdays (fair enough tailing off now they are getting older). DH and I have been together for over 11 years, also have DS 3 and DD 8 together and they absolutely adore their sisters and vice-versa. I have no ill feelings towards his ex and we have never even spoken to each other let alone seen each other. Just don't understand why MIL is meddling - why doesn't she let the parents organise their own DD 18th. TBH I said to DH tonight if he and his ex had suggested a celebration dinner for just the four of them I would've completely understood, but for MIL to organise dinner for entire family minus me seems a bit much. Oh and another thing MIL wanted to invite ex to our wedding as it would've been nice for her to see her daughters as bridesmaids?! I'm feeling a bit hurt TBH but perhaps being unreasonable?

My guess is, the dsd will have the dinner at her grans and then get a taxi to a club with her friends, leaving everyone sitting there.

YANBU about this, some MIL'S are too full of their own self-importance.

Your MIL sounds like an ignorant old bag a nightmare. As others have said, have your own 'do'. It's been like that for years with us, and DCs are always happy to have several celebrations

We are clearly weird, had an ex of mine at our wedding. And TWO exes of DH, both of whom he had DCs with. The first one I am fine with, even made sure they had a pic all together as the opportunity will probably never arise again. The other I have since grown to detest,she came to collect DSS essentially. No photo there

Does your DH speak to his ex? What does she think about going to dinner at her exMILs?

I would be giving MIL a taste of her own medicine as soon as I got the opportunity. The more I think about it the more I am amazed that she would do that. I would be very, very annoyed and upset if I was you and would be letting my feelings be known to her

Aaaaw thanks for your all kind words of support - sometimes you really have to ask for advice because you actually start thinking YOU are being the unreasonable one. I don't understand MIL at all at times - she is very much the matriach of the family and perhaps just wants to ensure everyone knows it. We will have our own celebration just the six of us and I shall not let it bother me one bit that I'm not invited to theirs (!?). Havent had a chance to quiz DP about the reasoning behind her choice but she really put her son in an akward position arranging this without me. Thankfully he did the right thing but will have a chat with him this evening. Thanks again everyone!

YAMDNBU- my MIL would never dream of doing that sort of stuff with my DSDs !

I hope your DH will back you up and talk to MIL about it. Also agree about organising your own celebration.