Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to be invited out?

11 replies

Aloneinthehouse · 16/10/2010 19:27

Hi, namechanger here

Prev Hist: Married for 6 years together 8 currently aged 24 with 2 children. Long term marriage problems basically over the fact that I dont't do enough housework and won't accept him trying to insult me

Current:

H's birthday on Sunday, today he has got up played on xbox while I was out with boys went to golf with all his mates (which is something he knows I am not into and am not bothered about) comes home see's the boys for 10 minutes before he jets off out for the night to the town centre and sleeping over his mates house (something I generally get invited too as one of his problems with us is that we dont spend enough time together)

I get not a word, I have to dig and interrogate for info as to what he is doing I know the girlfriends of two of his mates are attending so its not a lads night out which I would accept, I am 24 with no social life other than when I go out once a week to play sports

AIBU to think that an invite would have been nice as tomorrow will be spent with him recovering and then with MIL.

We are on a really rocky relationship stage where it is a very fine bridge to whether we stay together or not, I am trying damm hard to work at the housework that fwiw I dont see the problem with, the boys are 2 & 3 so most of my energy is on them

It has made me really upset that he doesnt want me to come do I just accept its actually over, I can't even put it down to an oversight on his part

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 16/10/2010 19:52

Yes, an invite would have been nice.

Your marriage is in big trouble. I think that you need to focus on the 'big picture' and try to sort that out. Do you have a plan or anything?

DeadPoncy · 16/10/2010 20:06

He seems to have a lot of fun things on this weekend. Have you got any fun time for yourself in the rest of the week? Or is this your lot - cleaning while he has fun.

Doesn't sound very equal to me, but maybe this weekend gives a skewed picture because it is a "birthday" weekend for him?

Sorry I can't say more without knowing whether this is normal.

Original poster
Aloneinthehouse · 16/10/2010 20:35

No plan really I am just trying hard without much return,

It is a skewed picture he goes out maybe every fortnight on a friday night but every week on a wednesday I go out on monday nights but mainly I am expected to be a good SAHM who does everything while he works from 11-6

OP posts:
DeadPoncy · 16/10/2010 22:57

That's still not fair, is it? Seven-hour day versus always-on-call.

Hecate's very right about a plan. How about thinking out the household responsibilities, and then telling him how you would like them shared out more fairly.

There are loads of threads on MN, started by people complaining that because they are SAHMs, they end up working far longer hours than their partners; the posts of other MNers on these threads could be really helpful, as they include examples of how things could be shared out better, and analysis of exactly why and how it is hard work to be a SAHM. For example, so what if you have coffee in the park? You are on duty; you can't do anything else because you are on duty; and your other half surely also has lunch at work, talks to colleagues, networks a bit... Therefore, your "cushy" life is not really better/easier than his "hard day in the office/whereever".

Scroll back through AIBU, and you will get loads of ideas!

Original poster
Aloneinthehouse · 17/10/2010 08:08

Thank you for replying, only trouble is he doesn't see why he should do anything which includes extra childcare :( but the way you have put it is very good

OP posts:
moid · 17/10/2010 08:25

Its tough I know, boys aged 2 and 3 are hard work. To be honest I think he doesn't go out that much and you are getting out once a week. Yes, his birthday weekend would have been nice but maybe he didn't think you were that bothered.

Fast forward a couple of years and the boys will be doing football / rugby etc.. at the weekend and maybe he will be more interested then.

DH has always been quite hands on but now my boys are 7 and 9 he spends saturday morning at football coaching and sunday at DS2 football matches. A lot of dads find it difficult to connect with very young ones but find more ways to interact as they get older.

Maybe give him a task getting the boys cycling or teaching them to swim. That maybe will get him more involved.

moid · 17/10/2010 08:28

PS: Boys aged 2 and 3 would put the strongest marriage under pressure. You are very young so do not make any hasty decisions, as long as you are safe and the boys are safe it really is worth trying to work it out. It might be that working some more "Me" time in to your schedule.

DeadPoncy · 17/10/2010 22:49

"he doesn't see why he should do anything which includes extra childcare"

But aren't they his, too? There is a mismatch here between your working days and your leisure.

I've just done a search through the archive. These threads are not the only ones, but will give you a start on gathering the arguments and reasons you need to explain yourself. All in AIBU because that's where I remember them from, and I needed to do a quick search. You could have a look in Chat and Relationships as well.

to be a bit sad my DH thinks I do nothing all day?

To stop lending dh the odd pound here and there....?

those with prescchool aged children and no childcare

Original poster
Aloneinthehouse · 22/10/2010 22:14

Thanks for your replies, I think it is more a relationship problem :(

Tonight he was arsy with the kids after he hurt the eldest (just turned 4) by squishing him accidently whilst playing and then he came to me (he told him off when I encouraged DS1 to go to his daddy), called me a moody c.o.w. (he spelled it out as the boys where in the room due to the fact I got annoyed when he insulted the dnner I had made as he had something similar for lunch, said fuck you and walked off in a huff after I asked him again if he wanted rice with his dinner (he made himself something to eat)

I mean for fucks sake what the hell have I ever done to deserve this shit????? I cant help it if the kids would rather come to me when they get upset I look after them for 90% of the time

OP posts:
DeadPoncy · 22/10/2010 22:22

Definitely a relationship problem. Why don't you re-post this in Relationships? There are a lot of people there who have all the details of different routes into counselling.

Include a link to this thread with your post, or copy and paste what you have written here.

Good luck! Smile

RoobyMurray · 22/10/2010 23:51

It doesn't sound like much fun. Do you want this? Do you like this?

Because, we can make choices to enjoy our lives. Smile

New posts on this thread. Refresh page